A long rant

Yet another glorious rant! It's been a while since I ranted away to my heart's content. Those of whom are bored out of their minds by random ranting, be warned. This is your cue to run several miles.

Been a crazy two weeks. Weekend had been non-existent. Work had been (dare I say fun?) but exhausting, for the lack of a better word. But it's amazing how quickly you can bounce back from exhaustion and all that it entails if you truly enjoy your work. For the moment, I do.

I am somewhat of a workaholic. I do not mind hard work as long as my work is being appreciated. What I cannot stand although is chaos. And lazy people. I don't like slackers. I like working with enthusiastic, passionate, helpful, genuine people. I like idealists. Even if they can be quite hard to work with, I like associating with people with a vision. In a world of plastic falseness where principles and personal ideals are as disposable as used tissues, idealists who are genuinely passionate about their cause and who will not compromise on their ideals are indeed, rare breaths of fresh air in a city congested with petrol fumes and cheap perfume.

It's disappointing how hard it is to find a descent human being with their ideals intact. It depresses me sometimes how I cannot seem to find at least a handful of human beings that I can actually respect.

I feel blessed. I am surrounded by people who genuinely care and that alone is the foundation I stand on. However, I've come to realize that people who matter are the ones who will make time for you to show that they care. The rest are just specks of dust unworthy of your attention. I'm choosy about who I associate with and so, my attachments are strong, having been saturated on only a few select, handpicked people. However, if I choose to add someone to my inner circle and my attention is ignored, it is personal and my interest too is eventually lost for good. I am a tad too sensitive than I like and am quick to shut down on people, at the slightest sign of rejection. Psychologically speaking, I'm an INTJ girl after all.

Why is it so cold these days? Really, I don't understand Sri Lankan weather. One minute we are all sweating the skin off our bones and the next, we are freezing our bowel movements. It's almost end of November and there is nearly no hint of that tingly Christmassy feeling at all. It was there aplenty few months back (and I've even questioned my sanity when I was feeling Christmassy in September), but not anymore. I don't think I will ever settle for a cold and gloomy Christmas, let alone a white one. Christmas for me will always be golden, happy sunshine, warmth and that searing but exciting restlessness that keeps you running round and round with stars in your eyes. It will always be a bit sweaty, clean hot skin, pungent from the sweltering warmth of sun-kissed languid afternoons. Christmas for me will always be the smell of cinnamon, of cardamom and baking cakes, of rum, fried things and marzipan. It will always be the smell of new Christmas decorations, the rustle and shine of tinsel, the twinkling lights of the Christmas trees of childhood. Christmas for me is chocolate fudge, laughter around the table, roasting poultry, frilly rich dresses and happy barks and warm furry hugs. Christmas for me will always be the smell of scented candles, memories of the beautiful times and wonderful, tear-jerking nostalgia of things that had been and never been but could have been.

I am already lost in the Christmassy world. But the sensations are long awaiting. Or perhaps I've been too busy to feel them? This weekend will be fairly laid back and I may be able to taste a bit of my own life once again, hanging out with the people that I care about. I've missed it all a bit too long! Let's see. But the main point is, the Lady has been happy :)

Culture shock

*This post is probably going to rub quite a few "patriots" the wrong way and I write this with the danger of appearing self-righteous and preachy. However, those with a modicum of brain power will realize that the aim of the post is not to slander or belittle one's own country, but simply to point out where we fall short as a nation or simply, as human beings. (those without are the reason why I have to put this explanatory note in the first place)   

Scene 1 

Setting - Melbourne International Airport. A girl stands in front of a screen displaying flight details.

Voice - Excuse me

[The girl turns around. Behind her is a gentleman around 35 - 40 years in a  business suit carrying a briefcase. He is smiling at her]

The girl - Yes?

Gentleman - I'm sorry, you must hear this everyday, but I will tell you what I came here to tell you anyway. I noticed you from there [points somewhere left] You are very beautiful.

Girl - [Looking slightly surprised] Thank you.

Gentleman - You are very welcome. Have a safe flight. [Picks up the briefcase and walks away. The girl stares after the gentleman slightly baffled but smiles to herself after a while]

Scene 2 

Settling - Bandaranaike International Airport, Colombo. Same girl slightly jetlagged passes immigration and approaches the Dutyfree shops

Voice - (loudly) Ah nangi! Dutyfree eken monawath ganne nadda! ('Ah nangi' is a common crude term used by Sri Lankan males to address girls in a playful yet derogatory way. Loose translation - Aren't you going to buy anything from the dutyfree)

Voice 2 - Poddak hina wenna ko (Smile a bit please) [Snickering, leering, hissing ensues]

[The girl stops and stares obviously dismayed but couldn't bother commenting. She walks away]


Scene 3    

Setting - The luggage belt at the Melbourne International Airport. The girl waits for her baggage and spots it. She tries to haul one by herself.

Gentleman - Let me help you with that [Waits till all her baggage arrives and loads them on to a trolley for her]

Girl - Thank you very much.

Gentleman - My pleasure [smiles and collects his own baggage]

Scene 4 

Settling - Luggage belt at the Bandaranaike International Airport, Colombo. The girl waits for her luggage, spots it and tries to haul it by herself. Couple of males around her, airport staff watch her attentively. Several males mockingly cheer her on but nobody offers to help. 

Voices - Haiyyen allaganna (Hold it tight) Balagena wateyi (It will fall in a mocking tone) [Hissing, snickering continues]

Scene 5

Setting - Melbourne Airport customs. The customs officer watches her smilingly as she tries to push her trolley in a straight line. One of the wheels have gone astray. She approaches the officer and submits her forms)

Customs officer - Good day! What have you got there darlin'?

Girl - Clothes, books, some spices, you know the usual stuff. Would you like to have a look?

Customs officer - Nah, no need. The spices are all processed yeah?

Girl - Processed and packeted.

Customs officer - Good girl. There you go, all stamped up. Oh wait, wheel trouble eh. Let me fix you up.

[He goes off and fetches another trolley, shifts all her baggage to the new one] There you are. Off you go darlin'

Girl - [moved] Thank you very much.

Customs officer - Pleasure. Enjoy your stay [Calls after her] Great driving hun! *grin*

Scene 6

Setting - Sri Lankan Airport Customs. The girl has been cleared off the initial customs check and is proceeding towards the exit. Another set of trainee custom officers gather near the exit and descend upon her.

1st person - Stop. Passport? [Girl hands over the passport]

2nd - What do you have here?

Girl - Clothes, books, some chocolate, the usual stuff.

3rd - Open the bags [The girl looks at them perplexed as she has been cleared off. A senior customs officer passes by]

Senior officer - (Calls out to the trainee lot) She's been cleared. Nothing to see there. Let her go.

[The group disperses reluctantly, looking at the girl almost grudgingly]

Scene 7 

Setting - Supermarket, Melbourne. The girl is at the checkout counter getting groceries. A girl works the tills

Cashier - Good evening! How are you today? (smiles)

Girl - Good evening! I'm good. And you?

Cashier - Oh I am doing just fine. You have beautiful hair

Girl - Thank you

Scene 8

Setting - Supermarket Colombo. Same girl out shopping. The girl working the till looks at the customer, takes the whole of her in, frowns and continues to check the items out with a screwed up face.

Scene 9

Setting - Road crossing, Melbourne. The girl waits for the lights to turn and crosses the road with her grocery bag. One bag breaks and some apples roll over the road. The lights turn green for the vehicles but not a single vehicle moves. Two gentlemen get out of two cars, help the girl recover the apples and carries her bags across the road. Then only, the vehicles start moving.

Scene 10

Setting - Road crossing Sri Lanka. The girl crosses the road. Vehicles barely stop but whizzes past almost brushing.

Voices - Ah sweetie! Koheda yanne? (Where are you going) Oya mara sexy kalla ah! ('kalla' being a derogatory term, objectifying a woman) Balagena happey (careful you will be hit by a car in a mocking way) Sha! Oya maarai anee. [Wolf whistles, hissing, cars honking, headlights flashing, leering, jeering]

Scene 11

Setting - Melbourne streets. The girl gets onto a bus, punches in her Myki and settles down on a seat. The driver patiently waits till she is well settled and then only drives off.

Scene 12 

Setting - Colombo streets. The girl gets onto a bus. No sooner does she have one foot on the footboard the bus pulls off with a jerk. She has to fight her way in with great effort, get her change out with great difficulty and hand the money to the impatient conductor who accepts the money grumbling.



What hit me today suddenly is, living in this god forsaken country, you kind of get used to the harassment, the rudeness and the general ugliness of people's behavior and it all becomes background noise. Once in a while when you do get out of the country do you remember, hey, humans are not so bad after all. These are everyday situations I've put down. I've chosen Australia because those are the freshest memories, but experience is quite similar in other western countries as well. It is this sudden realization that prompted me to write this post today, of all the days. You become used to these atrocities to such an extent that at the event of a small kindness like someone opening a door for you, you are surprised. This must not happen. We are human beings after all. Not animals.

Granted that our infrastructure, economy and etc might not be even as close to being developed as Western countries, but surely it does not take an awful lot to be civil to another human being? Trouble is, we take everything from the western countries - their extravagant lifestyles of car races, fine dining, clothing and even their accents, but we don't even attempt to make an example of their good habits. Is it because our life here is so hard, that our economy in general squeezes, wrings us on everyday basis in a struggle for survival that we can't even get ourselves to smile at another person and just be pleasant? Makes me wonder.  

We were once a nation that was known for the smiles of its people and their general hospitality. It's still there to a certain extent among those who live in villages that are somewhat away from the dirty claws of urbanization. But us the urbanized lot have become cultural orphans belonging neither here nor there. Walk onto a public space in Colombo on a weekend and you will be surrounded by clones - straightened, coloured hair, bleached skin, anorexic figures, fake accents with everybody looking like gene confused clones, everybody looking the same. Attack of the clones. Individuality is lost. Why would anyone want to look like everybody else, doing what everybody else does just escapes me. And this 'everybody else' just happens to be 'not Sri Lankan'.

Women have to be stick-thin, body-hairless, fair, have neat straight hair and be subdued in nature. Men have to be clean-shaven, fair, wear neatly pressed clothes, highly polished shoes and have neatly cropped hair. They may stand out from time to time, in a typical Sri Lankan setting, but globally, they blend in with the furniture. Who sets these standards anyway? Colonial mentality? I feel so.

For me an attractive man is someone who stands out from the crowd, someone who refuses to conform and is a gentleman in every way. A beautiful woman is someone who celebrates her individuality, someone who is comfortable in her own skin and is big, bold and deep in every way. Others are just pretty faces, background trees and rocks. Landscape - easily forgettable. Especially when they look and behave like everybody else.

Globalization is necessary but we must weed out the bad and take only what is good. But what happens is the exact opposite. It does not take a lot to be kind. It does not hurt to be civil to one another. As for sexual harassment, if you like the way a woman looks, it does not hurt to let her know that in a civil manner. Actually, we appreciate it and might actually like you as opposed to wanting to throw our shoes and whatever that hurts at you.  

An orphaned nation we are, not knowing where we belong, not wanting to know where we belong. But as all rootless trees go, a rootless individual is easily swept away in a storm. Pianos or drums? Choose one. 

Ramblings on a Sunday morning

The Lady is a happy creature these days. She walks with a spring in her step and a smile on her face.

A dogged determination to live healthy drives me these days. Well, healthy-er. Growing up with a health freak of a mother I've always learnt to eat healthy. Yoga is as usual and part of life as eating, drinking, brushing my teeth and the regular routine of life and I am fond of dancing. Being a bit of a creature of the night, sleeping was the only part that was lacking. I disciplined myself into getting into a routine and I now get 7.30 - 8+ hours regularly. The effect is remarkable.

I feel so much younger! I have so much of energy and so much of enthusiasm about life in general that it is crazy. No more feeling tired even before the day has begun, no more bouts of lethargy. There's just so much energy! Comments on how much younger and more fresher looking I am these days don't hurt either. All in all, it's evident that the early to bed regiment is working.

Sometimes I worry that I will outlive everyone. People have such unhealthy lifestyles these days. But I am working on keeping the people that I care about just a bit longer by inspiring them (which varies from bribing, coaxing to death threats) to live healthier too.

The behavior of  the male animal is truly fascinating. At the presence of a female of his species, the male animal will make sure that the female animal makes a note of his presence and will not leave until his mission has been accomplished. Especially ones with that much of extra ego who simply cannot stand being ignored. Next comes the demonstration of his assets. The male animal will usually puff out the chest, straighten his shoulders to make himself appear taller and broader. He will make constant displays of strength and power, all the time making sure that he appears prominent in the background. In simple terms, he will strut his stuff. At the apparent disinterest of the female, the male animal will often keep trying or lose interest whilst the most ego-ridden of the lot will take offence at the disinterest and will purposely and very blatantly ignore the female. It's all very interesting. That primal instinct of the male animal to showcase his strength and the capability to protect and maintain a family I suppose? It's kind of like a mating call. Simply enthralling. I like observing people.

Me and SLT have a complicated relationship. Sometimes it's love and most times its seething, boiling rage. I exceed my 40GB limit for the month fairly quickly (yes, it's SLT's most ancient unlimited package) and the internet becomes excruciatingly slow. Like I can have a good sleep and wake up while it loads kind of slow. When that happens, banshee mode is so on! Sparks and random objects fly with the tantrum session usually ending with a well spiced phone call seeped in chili to the 'Sri Lanka Telecom' with a suffering telephone operator at the other end, not knowing what hit em (I know it's unfair to unleash the whole width, breadth and the height of my fury at them but most of the time these operators are so obnoxious that you simply cannot help yourself. I dare say, you even derive a secret pleasure out of it) The connection just reset and I am somewhat appeased. For the moment.

To help people, to make a difference in this world has always been something that I've always strived for. Naive as I was in my younger days, I had always assumed that dedicating myself to a humanitarian organization would suit this purpose just perfectly. But older and (hopefully) wiser now, having observed organizational behavior and the nature of the human kind in general, I have eventually come to terms with the fact that if I wanted to help, I would have to do it in my own time. And I am at peace with that.

I have realized that happiness lies within me. Yes, this is a common quote that you see plastered across social media, FB timelines and yes, even bumper stickers. Cliched as it is, no matter how many times you see this, the moment the truth of this statement hits you, it's a form of enlightenment in itself. I have realized that no matter how selflessly you give yourself to those who you've considered to be your own, if you place your happiness upon them, you will always be unhappy. Because it is human nature to be selfish, even if they don't intend to be. Your happiness will never be as important to another person as it is to you. But it is okay, that is how it will always be. As difficult as this was to accept, I have come to terms with this. And I am at peace with that.

During the past couple of months, I have also realized that I relish, enjoy and revel in my alone time. I have learned to appreciate the precious time I get to spend with myself, my thoughts and I, and I've come to cherish solitude. It's a wonderful state of being where your happiness is entirely yours and you please no one but yourself. Alone time gives you the opportunity to look inside and ask yourself what you really want. Having a life companion who understands you and cares about you is all very well, but the understanding of oneself and what you want from life is quite something else altogether. I've realized that I am completely at peace with solitude. It is indeed, a blessing.

I have also somewhat figured out what I want from life primarily. But I have not yet figured everything out just yet. I may never will. But that's okay, you don't need to know everything at once. Normally I'd be perturbed that I am not sure about what I want but now, I am at peace with that.

The world is a vast place and I have come to realize that I have not even traveled a modicum of what it has got to offer. So the aim is to try and cover as much of it as possible. This year, I will not be travelling Europe as planned as it very well seems like the universe has way too many plans for me this year. And I am happy. Because life has a way of giving me what I need which may not always coincide with what I want. Although I do feel sad when things do not happen as I want, in the long run so far, things have turned out pretty darn great.

I've also learnt that if you lead your life fairly, justly and generously, helping those you can, when you can, however which way you can, not causing pain or harm to anyone, life always has a way of having your back, one way or the other. You see, universe has patterns. Everything in the universe happens according to a pattern and while the larger design may never be clear to us, it is up to us to recognize those little hints and nuances. It's a remarkable thing, this turn of events - if fate dictates (and you can see the signs well in advance in how facts and figures are almost incredibly interconnected, how certain opportunities have a way of getting missed by split seconds only to get reunited in the future and etc), things will happen in that specific order. I believe that the universe weaves the net of fate as we go or as they say, we write our own destiny in the choices and decisions we make. And living justly, generously and fairly is a choice we make every single day.

Besides, when you live in this manner, you feel that your life is lived and happiness becomes an everyday thing. And I wouldn't have it any other way :)