Grumble, Grumble.............

Its just abominable how incredibly lazy I've become, but I suppose the laziness is just a part of my reluctance to pick up the wad of notes and attempt to beat in some international law and comparative political systems into this kicking and screaming brain of mine. And its amazing how so very important the frivolous task of cleaning out your bureau drawers (they've survived throughout the years with all the crap inside them just fine) or how very inspired you become to write that never ending novel of yours, all very much out of the blue of course.

The fact of the matter is that I am not a quitter. I feel guilty quitting, no matter how hard it is and no matter how impossible something may seem, I still keep at it, even if it is excruciatingly painful and even though I grumble all the way. That in fact, is my vice. As a result, I am studying away, cursing the very inventors of this wretched subject, cursing the institution  and in fact, cursing every Tom, Dick and Siripala responsible for this immaculate mess that I am in and still sitting down and trying to knock in some extraterrestrial knowledge into this brain of mine which seemed to have shrunk radically during the utter waste-of-time excursions of the past 4-5 months. I haven't been to a SINGLE class for the past 5 months (as a result of the said good-for-nothing occupation) and now I am expected to sit for an exam with the help of a few scribbled notes photocopied from a friend! The past 4-5 months had passed in a daze, a sort of a daydream and here I am suddenly startled with the knowledge that I have to face an exam on things that I am completely alien to. How could it POSSIBLY any more perfect!

However, the past two weeks had been God's gift to me. I read voraciously,  I wrote, rather typed like a woman possessed, I cooked and baked and reveled in the delicious baking aromas that send golden beams of homeliness radiating through a house and felt the soft gooey textures of dough as I mixed, folded and kneaded various breads which were things that I have never had had time to do (and missed doing) in a very long time. My doggies were overjoyed to pounce on me, bite and lick me all over while yelping happily as they used to and my dear, dear parents, The Darling, well, the time spent with them is definitely priced above everything else. Life is indeed beautiful if you did not have exams breathing down your neck.

Two students involved in FUTA died in a motorbike accident. Some say they were killed and there seems to be enough evidence to support that while the son of a certain minister has been declared to be qualified to hold the post of the Minister of Education post once he comes back from a one month (one week?) course in the USA. That is actually very true because any flea brained, uneducated moron is qualified to become the Education Minister of our country at the rate of which it is going. I feel lucky to have gotten out of the uni when I did. We seem to be the last batch ever to get out of a local uni, unperturbed. I am completely, utterly and blissfully politically ignorant but even those of us like me to whom this filthy game of politics is as elusive as that ephemeral rainbow at the other end of the world, the atrocities that go on in the country has become all too evident.

Thinking back on the death of the two students, its heartbreaking. Being a battered victim of that repulsive joke they call as university politics myself, we are well aware how certain political parties take advantage of the naivete of the students, specially those of who come from rural areas. They influence these poor students to rebel, picket and to harass innocent students in that abominable practice referred to as the rag who will in turn brainwash the coming generations the same way that they have been treated. Not that university administration is in anyway helpful. Over the years, we came to realize that walled up within those air conditioned offices of the university were the hell's very best in flesh, screeching banshees who will willingly tear out your intestines and bloodthirsty demons who will rip out your throat if a poor meek student dare ask a question. Its a vicious circle nevertheless. However, those who don't convert to the ridiculous system carried out within the majority student circle (which usually consists of terrifying newcomers to death, picking fights with other student groups, etc) will be harassed for the rest of their miserable university lives and be forced to live amongst various insults and torture,  burning a pint or two of blood daily, exchanging burning words and twisting frowns with the fooled and delusional on a daily basis. Young minds are infinitely malleable and these filthy rotten scoundrels of politics know it very well. While these innocent creatures trapped within a colourful illusion lead in the front trenches of a bloody battle, taking every single blow, ruining their future and their education, the real leaders of this chaos seated amongst plush cushions behind the scenes in comfortable rooms, claim for themselves prestigious positions and other mercenary benefits. All the students will get are sleepless nights, bruises and wounds, fatal cuts, complete and utter ruin of their education on which their parents had spent the money they never had, sorrow to their loved ones and in this case, even death.

While all this is true and right, a human life is worth much much more than all the riches that a politician can horde in his entire life time. So if anyone really is responsible for these deaths, they deserve an extremely slow, prolonged maggot infested death with their eyes searing in a cauldron of hot oil. The country is rapidly going to the dogs with its authorities sucking out its very bone marrow like soulless parasites. Its citizens are now showing their true evil and selfish inherent nature me thinks, induced by the extreme conditions that they are put through each day in their lives. Sri Lanka is a beautiful country which does not deserve this abuse. It is a land with whole shiploads of potential which once upon a time was chockful of helpful, genuine people, a species that seem to be extinct these days. Smiles are rare in this country now while frowns and painful grimaces are in plenty, muddying the streets and sullying the souls of those who pass by. And thus the tragedy ensues .......

Is it just me or has the world suddenly turned hostile?

Been wondering what's been happening to the country lately. Grandfathers are raping their granddaughters, sons are murdering their own families, women are setting live dogs on fire not to mention the blatant atrocities of politicians who either think that the people are too stupid to notice or they no longer care whether anyone notices or not, because they are so sure of the absolute power they possess. And then they go and gloat about it on media too at which you gasp and say "The nerve!." But that is about ALL that we ever do!

In other countries, such people are put in straight jackets and locked up in asylums or branded as psychopaths, sociopaths, lunatics or just plain delusional. Here in our island haven, they end up in comfy seats across the Diyawanna or sailing upwards, murdering a helpless few along the corporate ladder while perching comfortably on the top and crapping on whoever that has the misfortune to land underneath. While success is all very well and much commended on, why become such obvious A holes in the process is my problem. 

The country seems to me of late, a gnawing ball of tight and painful blackness of which the intensity grows each day. I am beginning to wonder whether it is the fact that our country is too small that we feel it more or if indeed the people have become so unspeakably evil over the years. Just a couple of years ago, lending a helping hand to a total stranger or getting help from a complete stranger while out in public is a completely normal thing while now, you feel extremely grateful just because someone held the door open for you. The normal thing now would be that someone slams a door shut in your face while your arms are full of goods with no way of opening the door. A visit to a public place would affirm the fact that the people are always angry or are always in a bad mood and is in constant competition with one another, whether it is in the supermarket queue or casually browsing through books in a bookstore. Walking down the streets alone has become a chore what with vehicles trying to run over the pedestrians and other smaller vehicles on the way. Or you see a driver or two poking their heads out and dispensing quite generous amounts of explicit words all around.  

Is it because our tropical climate heats up the blood too much that everybody is constantly in a perpetual sweltering flurry? Is it because that the prevailing economic and social conditions have forced the people to become so selfish and hard-hearted that the nuances of humanity has long since been washed off them? Is it that people have finally stopped fighting the inherent selfishness and savagery of the human being (as stated by  Thomas Hobbes the negative dude) and decide to be their true selves? Is the end near, can the Mayans be right when they predicted the end of the world or is a zombie apocalypse on the rise except the zombies will be human beings themselves when they end up eating their own? Or is it simply because I think wayyyyyy too much than I should? 

SCATTERED- Available at stores now :)

So the launch happened and it went quite well too. Just as I expected: perfectly serene ambiance, good music, good company and mellow lighting. Perfect.

Now people keep on asking, why Barefoot? Why go endorse in the typical 'Colombian', sarong-wearing, mantra-chanting, wanna-be artsy hippie culture? Yes I'm aware of the many labels and tags that the place comes with but I have never been one to care for such labels or tags. As long as it falls within my budget range and is convenient for me, I'm cool with that. I don't have big ideologies, I'm flexible and I make do with whatever I have whenever I have it. I've discovered that it is much easier to survive when that is the case.

And Barefoot was MORE than just convenient for me. The staff was very friendly and cooperative and the ambiance was just what I wanted. The pricing fell well within my budget range too. So I had no complaints. I'm a simple kid :)

Anyways, the response to the books have been quite tremendous. Those who have read the book have commented copiously on the content and I am very, very happy about the fact that the collection has managed to reach out to many in a very personal way and that is exactly what I had wanted too. Absolutely touched with what people have to say about the collection. To place the cherry on top of the cake, just today I was informed that all the books that I had left at the Barefoot bookshop, the only place where the books had been available at the very beginning had been sold out and that they need a new stock. Needless to say I was astonished. Must give them a refill tomorrow.

Writing a book is easy, publishing is quite hard, a launch is harder and when all is said, written, designed and done it seems that selling the books is the hardest of all. Bookshops are avoiding poetry collections like the plague and I can't understand why. However, the Barefoot bookshop turned out to be the only ones who embraced the books without a fuss while the rest had to be convinced and cajoled into it. As a result of my sheer perseverance, Scattered will be available in all leading bookshop within the coming week.

Dropped off some copies at Vijitha Yapa as well and it should be available within a few days at their outlets. Copies are already available at the Sadeepa Bookshop, Wisdom bookshop and at Sooriya Bookshop, Maradana. Have to make a personal appearance at Sarasavi to get some books in there as well. The only thing lacking is the time :(

However, Scattered will definitely be available at the International Book Fair starting on the 18th, so you can get it there as well, of course at the Sooriya Bookshop, Vijitha Yapa and Sarasavi outlets. Hopefully, you'l find it there :)

So yes, read my humble collection and please let me know what you think. Your comments would mean the world to me. If you cannot reach any of these shops, please mail me at jayani.senanayake@hotmail.com and I will only be happy to get a copy across to you!

Murphy's Law phenomena

Murphy's law is such that when you are late, even something as innocent and unsuspecting as a measly piece of curried chicken can charge at you, ruining your entire day. Happened this morning when a very unassuming and a very dead looking piece of chicken that was on my breakfast plate suddenly flew at me in a vengeful fury (obviously not very pleased at the mishandling it was getting as I hurriedly fumbled through the plate) and attacked me, making me bleed curry all over my crisp white shirt. Funny how much damage such a tiny piece of chicken can do. This incident forced me to change into another piece of garb and this time, I made sure I stayed WELL away from chicken or other such dangerous things.

When you know you are late and rush out of the house half-dressed, almost out of your wits that your transport has arrived (the driver is quite short in patience. If you're not there, he's gone), it takes its own sweet time, not giving a rat's tick's a** to the fact that you have rushed out in a demonic flurry, not even bothering to take a second look at yourself in the mirror just to make sure that you don't petrify little children and scar their young and tender minds for life on your way to work. While you stand waiting, total strangers pass by stare at a flustered, disheveled looking you with hair that beats the angry wig of Rumpelstiltskin single handedly (or should I say, single hair-dly) and you really start wondering whether the planets have plotted together and lined up for the sole noble cause of embarrassing you. How lovely....

And finally when you get home to collapse on the bed in the comfort of your own cosy room after a loooooooong day at work, there is a pile of fine dust waiting for you in there, stuff that the person who had been polishing the windows for the last two days had left behind. Perfect... What is more perfect is that you are allergic to dust! (and that's also about the only thing in this whole wide world that you are allergic to too) So you run out of the room sneezing up a lurid storm while your skin breaks out in nasty hives, only to return later on dressed like an astronaut at war with acid-spitting Martians to clean things up. By this time you are boiling at the highest point that a human being can possibly boil at because everyone knows very well of your near-fatal allergy to fine dust but no one had bothered to clean things up before you got home. Sigh......perfect ending to a perfect day wouldn't you say!

But these I suppose, are the everyday woes of the ordinary working woman. And me being an ordinary working woman with an extraordinary talent for getting into embarrassing situations, have more than the usual share of everyday woes I suppose. But overall, life is good. Feeling more than the usual amount of tired what with the book launch coming up and what not, but after this Sunday, everything is going to go back to normal. 

The launch is on the 09th, the coming Sunday at 5.30 PM at the Barefoot Garden Cafe if anyone's interested. Me never having been very fond of speaking, particularly about myself out in the public have always preferred to listen rather than speak is wondering whether this is the right time to freak out. Well, like I said, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! And I am off to do justice to this long awaited collection that finally saw the light. Wish me luck! 

Scattered - A launching on 09.09

So.....the book is out and the Lady is impatient for feedback. But the launch is yet to come. 09th September is the date, 5.30 pm is the time and Barefoot Garden Cafe is the place. Those of who are interested in what I've got to say are most definitely welcome. But please do RSVP at the link below :)

https://www.facebook.com/events/461770107196727/

A little jittery about the launch actually, being the not-so-social and sometimes, prefer-the-solitude kind of person that I am. Oh well, I suppose a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

It will be a small gathering of people who are genuinely interested in poetry and literature in general. It will not be one of those mass scale, flashy things that leaves you wondering what the heck its all about. At least, I want to keep it like that. Because that's what my poems are about. They are intimate, they are personal and they are very much close to home. And I would simply not forgive myself for a launch that is any different.

Speaking about the book, I would like to view this book as a collection of memories. Little snippets of memory actually, little ends of memory threads along which I can travel, once I caught an end. Every poem has a story of its own and a very intimate significance which makes it extremely special to me. However, I do not know how special it will be to others who will be reading my work, but then again, fingers crossed, you will like this debut collection :)

A little fun fact about the book. It starts on the page 9 and ends in page 99. And its launched on the 09.09 (not planned, I swear. Circumstances led to it). A strange but wonderful coincidence! Specially since my lucky number just happens to be 9 too!

There will be music for sure as I am quite the music buff and also because I wouldn't want to bore anyone out of their minds with only my boring voice droning on and on. So yes, it will just be myself reading out some pieces from the book and some wonderful tunes. And I have given Mrs Vijita Fernando to read my book and she will be commenting on that as well. I'm just waiting to hear what she has to say about it :S

So all this will be happening on the 9th September. If you can spare a Sunday evening, do drop by. And buy my book!! :D

Dreams do come true :)

Yeeeeeeeey!!! Its finally IN PRINT!!! The hard part is done, now we wait!

My poetry collection, the long awaited one is finally coming out. Woke up one morning and made a decision to take matters in to my own hands and publish it by myself. Well, the publisher of course is Sooriya Publishers who was very helpful, very gracious in an age when all other publishers out there seem to have lost their faith in the poet kind. Point is, I did it, something that I never thought I would do and something that I had absolutely no idea how to do. You learn by doing they say. And I learnt, a whole truck load.

I learnt that there will be plenty of lip service but never enough work. I learnt that there will be people who will readily give you bucket loads of false hopes and just leave you in the lurch waiting for something to happen when in reality, you would just be wasting your time. I learnt that while many may claim to be your friends, friends in reality are very few. I learnt that unless I move my butt and get things moving, nobody else will move it for me (things I mean, not my butt). I learnt that nothing comes easy, that I will have to work hard to achieve anything worth the while. I learnt not to rely on others and not to trust too much. I also learnt that I should not delay anything in life no matter what and no matter how many promises are made.

I also learnt that I have got an awesome, AWESOME, awesome family and a boyfriend who will accompany me to hell and back. I also learnt that I've got awesome friends! I love you guys sooooo much!

The lovely ladies of the EWC, specially Mrs Vijita Fernando was there for me at the very beginning. I really wouldn't have known which end was up if it was not for her. Mrs Sybil Wettasinghe was being her usual darling self and was as excited as I was about my book! It was one nerve wracking ride but hey, I am now well versed in the fine art of publishing, which is pretty great.

Hoping to have the launch on the 8th September at Barefoot. Not because I am posh like that, but because out of all the places I checked, Barefoot proves to be very co-operative, affordable and the staff is super-duper helpful which is pretty awesome. Do drop by if you have the time, there will be plenty of poetry and music to go around.Will post when the time is confirmed as first I will have to get the books in hand which is due in two more days. Can't wait!

Tired, bed awaits. Novel also coming together nicely, but tonight it shall have to wait. I shall catch up on my long suffering sleep tonight instead of tap-tapping away. Nightey night everyone! Happy Friday tomorrow!

Poking & Publishing pains

Fallen victim to one of those 'poking' fits that go around FB from time to time. I feel like a corpse that people have poked time and time again to see if I was alive. It feels.....oddly disgusting.

Once upon a time the 'Poke' function on FB used to be fun. Those golden days of Poke, you 'poked' your friends from time to time, just to let them know that you have not forgotten them.  You "poked" people that you have met somewhere and would like to get to know better but didn't quite know how to approach them. You 'poked' people as a means of expressing friendship, to see how they would accept it, to save oneself from the humiliation of rejection, as a means of preserving one's pride or dignity even. The Poke button had a delightfully innocent function those days. Or is it that the Poke button had always had a dirty, flirty connotation and I, in my blissful oblivion had been blissfully oblivious to its slightly disturbing function until up to now?

Whatever the case may be, how gross is it that complete strangers, ones you have never even seen or have heard of in your entire life come and 'poke' you, and repeatedly so, on FB? Let's say that one poke, just to test the water, is perfectly ok, but noooooooooooooo, they don't stop at just one, they will do it, again and again and again, specially when after you have removed their poke and thus knowing full well that you have absolutely no intention of responding to them, ever. What happened to the good ol' ways of sending a message or a friend request if you REALLY wanted to get to know someone? I find Poking offensive and repulsive, when done by complete strangers that is.

If one goes around poking random people in real life, they will only be answered by one or several thundering slaps or a blazing kick to where it really hurts. And I SWEAR to God if I get poked again and repeatedly so, I shall seek the culprit out and poke both his eyes out. And I'm DEAD serious.

Speaking of FB, that dreaded Timeline is going to be applied to each and every profile from 7th August onward. However much I hate the thing, decided to embrace change and converted the profile. Now I find the thing highly messy. It hurts my eyes to figure out which is which. Honestly, I don't think that I will be signing in to FB all that much now. It annoys me.

Publishing. Its hard work. One may wonder, what's the big deal. But what I have figured out is, what I will be putting out is my most vulnerable self, the innermost me and I will then let myself be judged by people who know nothing of me nor care about what I've got to say. Some wise person had once said that writing is like being naked in public. Well, lets just say that I really enjoy being naked all for myself. Getting second thoughts about being publicly naked now, despite the practical publishing difficulties of running against a deadline and all. I am beginning to look at books, lying around forgotten in bookshelves in stores with a new found veneration now. The amount of work that had gone into them, overcoming personal boundaries to get it published, not to mention the brain numbing procedures, legalities, its all too much. Of course, some had gotten it easy. Others like us, well, we have to work our bones off for it.

The worst of it all - having to to do it all by yourself. The lack of proper editors for poetry, the blatant disregard for it in this country, no "professional" publishing help - my publisher asks me why I chose poetry and assures me that I'm better off publishing a scholarship guide because that's the shit that sells. I know I should have gotten shocked by this kind of speech but honestly, it just brushes my ear and falls to the ground - I guess I'm used to this kind of negativity by now. I've been tricked, stolen from, given false promises to and left high and dry all of which contributed to delaying this endeavor. If they thought that they dissuaded me from this, they have another thought coming.  

I did not choose poetry - poetry chose me. And here's me, a lone girl with little to no help from anyone else trying to make this thing happen. With little over 1 month to go, I am content with how far I've come, despite the many things that have held me back.

I am well aware that I am jumping into the deep end of the pool without really knowing how to swim. Here's me hoping that instincts would kick in and I wouldn't be floating belly up in the pool at the end of it all.

Poya day, and a well deserved holiday. I just think that every week there should be a holiday in the middle of each week. Its very refreshing. Gonna make the best use of the day and get myself organized a bit. In saying so, I hear my inner self rolling on the floor laughing. And guffaws ensue. Alright, off to work and silence the inner guffaws! :)