When I was small,I honestly didn't know what I wanted to become when I grew up.I would stare blankly when other kids my age would promptly come up with their desire to become doctors when they grew up and since that seemed to be the "in" thing at the time and me being clueless about what I wanted to be thought that it would be the right thing to become.I went home and asked Mother Dearest if it was ok not to become anything when I grew up.Needless to say,she was somewhat shocked.Seeing her horrified face I asked her if it was ok if I became a doctor.She was relieved.Her daughter wanted to become a doctor.What more can a mother ask for?
After a while when I was old enough to understand the makings of the medical profession, I decided that cutting up frogs in medical school and poking fingers up other people's asses was not all that glamorous and decided that I wanted to be a Goddess.This was the era when I was highly taken up with Greek and Roman mythology and had begun to read extensively upon that subject(a barely 10 year old me borrowing books about Greek and Roman civilizations,mythology and its bases astounded the librarian and made him believe that he indeed was looking at a child genius but was sourly disappointed later on in life when I got obsessed with Edgar Allen Poe,goosebumps and all that responded to the tag "horror").Not that the highly addictive TV series of Zeena,Hercules,etc (that I watched open mouthed,not daring even to chase away a fly that had landed on my nose lest I should miss anything) had anything to do with it.It was oh-s0-wonderful to parade around in togas and gold brocaded slippers,golden flowing hair,bearing shields,spears and swords(not that they ever used them.They preferred a more direct method of striking down the person that pissed them off with lightning) Plus they never age.And they never had to do any exams or do shitty jobs,wash plates or take out garbage.It was my dream job,being a Goddess.
But to my dismay I found out that I was born a mortal and could never become a Goddess while I was alive.Then I wanted to become a spy.The sexy black and slick-a-licious cat suit was only a part of the attraction.I wanted to kick people's butts,I wanted to chase criminals half way around the globe,seduce them to giving up state secrets,kiss hunky random strangers and disappear,leaving them wondering and definitely wanting more.I wanted to be able to pull out guns from every joint of my body,to be able to throw knives and actually be able to hit something with them,I wanted to protect the innocent and the helpless.I wanted to fight crime,to be a mistress of disguise,to be able to do all those fancy things you see on movies like jump from one building to another with cat-like grace,to hang from a helicopter with one foot,armed to the teeth,mean,green and menacing.I still do,I still want to be a spy,but for practical reasons this time.I'd rather be held at gun point than be held hostage by an utterly inhuman, crassly inconsiderate educational system run by cold blooded individuals who make us believe(at least for a moment) that they actually do care.Just sayin'
The point is,all fantasies aside (I know I will never be the coolass,crime-fighting,ass-kicking sort of spy that I've always wanted to be *sob sob* ) Seems like I'm back to square one.I'm back to starring blankly at other kids while they promptly come up with who they want to be when they grow up.I know what I want to be,I want to be a spy,I want to be a Goddess,and perhaps even a much sought after writer/a poet who makes oodles of money by way of monolithic sales of books all over the world(which I'm too lazy to write or don't have time to write,burdened with phenomenally turd-like assignments and the like).The only difference between now and then is that now,I shall have to be practical with what I want to be.Dreaming for us,is overrated it seems *sigh*.I know I shall eventually end up a diplomat,smile and nod diplomatically at diplomatic people at diplomatic black tie events,but will I ever be happy with nodding diplomatically as I shall be as being an absolutely undiplomatic spy? I highly doubt that.Being an adult sucks.Cz eventually you will have to grow up and face the realities of a forever changing world when you'd rather be feasting on ambrosia and striking down mortals who displeased you from the top of the heavenly mount Olympus,popping a grape or a two in your mouth in between the lightning bolts*sigh*
I'm off to have a Marie biscuit dunked in plain tea in while(cz I heard it helps to keep you awake) Hopefully it will allow me enough time to work on one of my MANY assignments atleast tonight *sigh* Good night everyone! (I sigh an awful lot these days,don't I?)
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