Utterly disgusted by the way our FB heroes are responding to the Wariyapola incident. Actually left me shocked. It's just recently that I realized that this is how the majority thinks.
For those of who are not familiar with the incident, there is a video going around that shows a girl responding to a man who had harassed her in public. She screams at the man, hitting him occasionally. For me who had been no stranger to street harassment, I was glad. Women in Sri Lanka are finally taking a stand against the kind of harassment that makes it impossible for a woman to travel freely within the country.
What usually happens is that girls keep their heads down and pretend as if nothing happened, quietly fading away into the background when harassed. My years in public transport and in a local university where being a female language student who does not participate in their political rallies nor idiosyncrasies automatically gets you reduced to an obnoxious slut (their words), has taught me that being passive is not the answer to harassment. Cornered in many a bus, many a university corridor, I had always struck back. It is only when one does speak up for oneself that respect ensues and registers itself. I am glad that I took the time to train myself in self defense. Respect has to be earned. Silently enduring all only encourages more harassment.
I know the feeling of being harassed. It leaves you feeling downright wretched, broken and so dirty that you end up being angry at the whole world for not doing anything about it. Then you direct that anger at yourself for not doing anything about it and that stings even more. It's a terrible feeling that clings to you like a bad smell for weeks afterwards. Of course those who have never taken a bus in their entire lives would not be familiar with this feeling. Those of whom are fortunate enough to have everything handed to them in silver platters will not be familiar with this feeling. But majority of us who have to go about managing our own things by ourselves are thus subjected to harassment at various levels everyday of our lives.
It pains me how some people I consider as my friends, males, have responded to the situation. Of course they are not aware of what a woman has to endure everyday, simply making their way to work, running errands, etc. They do not get their bums squeezed, chests groped, leered and jeered at in public. No females (or males) bare their intimate body parts at them in the street or in buses (I have a feeling they would enjoy it if this happened) and neither do they get spoken to in pure Sinhala filth and obscenities. They do not get harassed at work places, be treated as if your opinion does not matter, just because you are a woman. They do not get degraded on the street, get put down to the level of a gigolo based on what they wear. So how can they possibly understand?
Some men even ask, "Why do y'all shout so much about this harassment and that harassment? Do you guys get so harassed? How come we never notice?". All I can say is, shave your faces, put on a wig, put on a skirt (doesn't even have to be short. Knee length will do) and try crossing the road anywhere in Sri Lanka. Try withstanding the honks, the flashlights, the obscene catcalls and deliberate bouncing-into-you episodes for two hours and come back and ask the same question.
Another famous byline I've observed in the same context is that you are "asking for it" by what you wear. The idiocy of such people astounds me. A woman should be free to wear whatever she wants to wear, whatever she is comfortable wearing or whatever that flatters her appearance. Yes, it is a given fact that the female body is more aesthetically appealing than the male physique will ever be, but why penalize the woman for it? Do we think that men should be raped when they go about shirtless or wear shorts? Of course not. Predatory mentality methinks, preying on the weakest. It makes them feel so much stronger, picking on the physically weaker sex, thinking that they won't be attacked back.
An underlying inferiority complex surfacing? I think so.
It is not gentlemanly to do so without a question. But then, gentlemen are a rare breed.
If there is one thing I cannot stand, that is rudeness. And all this is unspeakably rude. I believe people should be civil to one another, no matter what cast or gender.
Coming back to the incident, the FB heroes commenting on the incident want to find that girl's FB account. Ha! I almost chocked on my dinner reading the comments.
Another thing that made me laugh is how people assume such harassment to be compliments. Most of all women (whose accounts had female names but not entirely sure if they were authentic accounts or not) who attacked her appearance, saying that she should be flattered that this particular man paid her attention. It is a well known fact that the majority of Sri Lankan males would hoot, leer and jeer at anything with a pulse that qualifies even as faintly feminine. In a country where 80 year old grandmas are raped, explain to me how making one feel uneasy with lewd comments is supposed to be a compliment. One has to be very much attention depraved in order to consider so.
For those who claim that passing such comments, prodding and poking females in public are done in "jest", it must be made clear that those who prod and poke animals and torture them to death just for "fun" are mostly diagnosed as criminally insane when subjected to psychiatric care.
All I can say is living in a country such as ours, I believe that every girl should be trained to protect themselves. Mentalities of these lewd, tasteless and ignorant morons cannot and will not be changed. All we can do is prepare ourselves. As for attacking that girl for the way she acted, the way she spoke in that instant, who knows for how long she endured this kind of behavior? Who knows what she had gone through in her life till that point? Who knows what the man said to her? Who knows if that was indeed, her breaking point? Of course, the way she reacts is not ladylike at all and under any other circumstance, I would consider it crude and ugly. But I am of the opinion that if one acts in an ungentlemanly manner, they must be prepared for some very unladylike behavior.
It's like how everybody got so excited about Jaqueline Fernandez's hoppers at Rs 200/-. Nobody talks of Sangakkara's kade paan at Rs 200/-, Pol sambol at Rs 240/- and Kankun at Rs 480/-.
I am reminded of a part of a conversation that took place in the university many years back during the rag season. "Behave like a woman" he said, teeth bared in aggression, like a rabid dog, some pseudo-socialist creature with a huge chip on his shoulder who believed that being a woman is all about wearing long skirts and Bata slippers, plaiting your hair in a braid and putting up with all their crap, head hung low. The girl in question answered, with her head held high "if you behave like a man, I will behave like a woman".
For those of who are not familiar with the incident, there is a video going around that shows a girl responding to a man who had harassed her in public. She screams at the man, hitting him occasionally. For me who had been no stranger to street harassment, I was glad. Women in Sri Lanka are finally taking a stand against the kind of harassment that makes it impossible for a woman to travel freely within the country.
What usually happens is that girls keep their heads down and pretend as if nothing happened, quietly fading away into the background when harassed. My years in public transport and in a local university where being a female language student who does not participate in their political rallies nor idiosyncrasies automatically gets you reduced to an obnoxious slut (their words), has taught me that being passive is not the answer to harassment. Cornered in many a bus, many a university corridor, I had always struck back. It is only when one does speak up for oneself that respect ensues and registers itself. I am glad that I took the time to train myself in self defense. Respect has to be earned. Silently enduring all only encourages more harassment.
I know the feeling of being harassed. It leaves you feeling downright wretched, broken and so dirty that you end up being angry at the whole world for not doing anything about it. Then you direct that anger at yourself for not doing anything about it and that stings even more. It's a terrible feeling that clings to you like a bad smell for weeks afterwards. Of course those who have never taken a bus in their entire lives would not be familiar with this feeling. Those of whom are fortunate enough to have everything handed to them in silver platters will not be familiar with this feeling. But majority of us who have to go about managing our own things by ourselves are thus subjected to harassment at various levels everyday of our lives.
It pains me how some people I consider as my friends, males, have responded to the situation. Of course they are not aware of what a woman has to endure everyday, simply making their way to work, running errands, etc. They do not get their bums squeezed, chests groped, leered and jeered at in public. No females (or males) bare their intimate body parts at them in the street or in buses (I have a feeling they would enjoy it if this happened) and neither do they get spoken to in pure Sinhala filth and obscenities. They do not get harassed at work places, be treated as if your opinion does not matter, just because you are a woman. They do not get degraded on the street, get put down to the level of a gigolo based on what they wear. So how can they possibly understand?
Some men even ask, "Why do y'all shout so much about this harassment and that harassment? Do you guys get so harassed? How come we never notice?". All I can say is, shave your faces, put on a wig, put on a skirt (doesn't even have to be short. Knee length will do) and try crossing the road anywhere in Sri Lanka. Try withstanding the honks, the flashlights, the obscene catcalls and deliberate bouncing-into-you episodes for two hours and come back and ask the same question.
Another famous byline I've observed in the same context is that you are "asking for it" by what you wear. The idiocy of such people astounds me. A woman should be free to wear whatever she wants to wear, whatever she is comfortable wearing or whatever that flatters her appearance. Yes, it is a given fact that the female body is more aesthetically appealing than the male physique will ever be, but why penalize the woman for it? Do we think that men should be raped when they go about shirtless or wear shorts? Of course not. Predatory mentality methinks, preying on the weakest. It makes them feel so much stronger, picking on the physically weaker sex, thinking that they won't be attacked back.
An underlying inferiority complex surfacing? I think so.
It is not gentlemanly to do so without a question. But then, gentlemen are a rare breed.
If there is one thing I cannot stand, that is rudeness. And all this is unspeakably rude. I believe people should be civil to one another, no matter what cast or gender.
Coming back to the incident, the FB heroes commenting on the incident want to find that girl's FB account. Ha! I almost chocked on my dinner reading the comments.
Another thing that made me laugh is how people assume such harassment to be compliments. Most of all women (whose accounts had female names but not entirely sure if they were authentic accounts or not) who attacked her appearance, saying that she should be flattered that this particular man paid her attention. It is a well known fact that the majority of Sri Lankan males would hoot, leer and jeer at anything with a pulse that qualifies even as faintly feminine. In a country where 80 year old grandmas are raped, explain to me how making one feel uneasy with lewd comments is supposed to be a compliment. One has to be very much attention depraved in order to consider so.
For those who claim that passing such comments, prodding and poking females in public are done in "jest", it must be made clear that those who prod and poke animals and torture them to death just for "fun" are mostly diagnosed as criminally insane when subjected to psychiatric care.
All I can say is living in a country such as ours, I believe that every girl should be trained to protect themselves. Mentalities of these lewd, tasteless and ignorant morons cannot and will not be changed. All we can do is prepare ourselves. As for attacking that girl for the way she acted, the way she spoke in that instant, who knows for how long she endured this kind of behavior? Who knows what she had gone through in her life till that point? Who knows what the man said to her? Who knows if that was indeed, her breaking point? Of course, the way she reacts is not ladylike at all and under any other circumstance, I would consider it crude and ugly. But I am of the opinion that if one acts in an ungentlemanly manner, they must be prepared for some very unladylike behavior.
It's like how everybody got so excited about Jaqueline Fernandez's hoppers at Rs 200/-. Nobody talks of Sangakkara's kade paan at Rs 200/-, Pol sambol at Rs 240/- and Kankun at Rs 480/-.
I am reminded of a part of a conversation that took place in the university many years back during the rag season. "Behave like a woman" he said, teeth bared in aggression, like a rabid dog, some pseudo-socialist creature with a huge chip on his shoulder who believed that being a woman is all about wearing long skirts and Bata slippers, plaiting your hair in a braid and putting up with all their crap, head hung low. The girl in question answered, with her head held high "if you behave like a man, I will behave like a woman".
3 comments:
Hi,
Thank you so much for taking the time to write about a major problem in Sri Lanka. I get really angry and nauseated everytime I get these types of stupid reaction from people. What surprised me at first was that I get least amount of help from females when I experience sexual harassment, and no compliment when I stated up for it. On the other hand, it's no wonder because you hear the same from your mothers and grandmothers. I think the only way to make women to open their eyes, and stand up for their rights are to talk again and again until it reaches someone. So I'm gonna share this on Facebook. :)
Just today I was standing in the Crescat Food Court to have men, in office clothes gawking, snickering and giggling like school girls poking one another as I passed them by. It really is disgusting. You'd think that they've never seen a woman before. I am glad you liked it and I'm also happy to see that there are girls like you who are willing to stand up for it. Up until this incident I had always assumed that women never spoke up, never reacted against harassment. This is the start. There is a long, long way to go.
Good post, well written.
Post a Comment