Sunday evening revelations

Sunday evening vicious circle of revelations -

I haven't read a single book or watched a single movie in the past few weeks because I am afraid to start a book for the fear of not being able to put it down because if I don't put it down I wouldn't have been able to complete anything that I had to do.

And the worst of them all - Why have all these things struck me now? Because I haven't even been able to THINK for the past few weeks!

Wow, rambly much?

The point being, I don't remember the last time I sat down for tea with my family - a habit, rather a ritual of sorts that we have always cherished as a family. I don't remember the last time that I had a relaxed chat with my other half, enjoyed a lazy and leisurely lunch or a dinner together, taking the time to truly enjoy the better things in life and each other. I don't remember the last time I had time to be with myself, to really think about life, to be alone with my thoughts. 

Just realized that my life hasn't really been mine for the past couple of weeks. 

I've been struck down by this terrible flu for the past couple of weeks but I've been dragging my aching body everywhere despite the warning bells, ignoring its pleas to slow down. As a result, I am still suffering. The tragedy is, despite the near-death experience (10kgs lost in 2 weeks, coughing up blood, dizzy spells and etc) I haven't been able to rest a single day. Gets screamed at by doctor - "I can give you all the medicine in the world, but if you don't rest, none of it is going to help!". I cringe and nod. Mea culpa. 

Different people have different priorities and mine are family,happiness and health in no particular order. All other things in life - money, status, etc - well they just facilitate my priorities.

Which is why I've decided to change my life. Unlike most people I've met in life so far, I do not believe in staying where I am unhappy, constantly complaining, constantly grumbling, growing bitter and resentful in the process just because it is good for my financial disposition/career/etc etc (fill in the blanks). I am a peace loving person. If I love my workplace, I would do whatever is necessary to contribute towards the brand - not clench my teeth and invest all my strength into fighting my way into creating a stronghold against the forces and personal vendettas that make my existence in the workplace hard. It is an unnecessary waste of time and energy - energy that I could use to contribute towards the brand. I do not waste my time and energy on petty trifles.

I want to be happy, I want to enjoy what I do, I want to feel appreciated and as a policy in life, no matter what area of life it is - I do not stay where I am not appreciated. The illness has either driven me mad or opened my eyes (I will find that out soon enough), but I have decided to take a decision. It has been a really tough decision but I suppose it is a necessary one. How the universe has lined things up for me kinda sorta tells me that I've kinda sorta taken the right decision; albeit a rather difficult one. Well, I believe in being at the right place at the right time. Being at the right place at the wrong time does not do anyone any good. Timing is everything. Maybe I will come back once the timing is right. And maybe the time will never be right. Ah we will just have to wait and see now, won't we.

Sleepy. And god knows I need my sleep. I shall continue the ramble tomorrow.