Females are not your lunch time joke - dealing with sexism

Something that has always struck me and has begun striking me even more as of late – a woman may never be seen completely as a human being, an intellectual creature with the vices and virtues that exist in every human being. It would take an extraordinary human being, the kind that I haven't met yet to acknowledge a female in this manner.

Being a woman makes you invisible. Being attractive makes you invisible. Because it is only your body they will see, who you truly are will always remain unseen.

The unfairness of it just kills me – the incredibility that something so atrocious can happen in polite society simply astounds me. I feel insulted. I feel disrespected every f****** day of my life. Not just by men but by women as well. But this is something that we as women go through in our lives so much so that we have gotten de-sentized to it, that we just brush it off, laugh it off as if it is merely the dust of everyday life. We are displayed as objects before we are even acknowledged as human beings, we are sexualized at such a tender age when our minds are still innocent.

I admit, females are attractive creatures. As a woman, I myself think that the female physique is much more alluring than the male physique. It is more aesthetic, it is mysterious in its functions and levels of pleasure and lovely in all its curves and contours and it is okay to admire it. It truly is a functional work of miraculous art. But it is not okay to sabotage that beauty. It is not okay to penalize the female for their naturally bestowed artistry.  

I am not a feminist. I don’t think I have ever been one. I like looking good and indulge in shaving, waxing, plucking my eyebrows and whatever that is frowned upon by the “Feminists” of our generation, I want to have a family – to create life within myself regardless of those “why should the woman sacrifice her body shape to carry a man’s child” arguments, I admire gentleness and good manners in both men and women alike, I adore cooking and I have my food blog to prove that and I love my bras because I know that sudden movements fucking hurt without one. I have always believed that men and women each have their strong points – men are better at certain things that women aren’t and women are better at certain things that men aren’t. There is no contest, there shouldn’t be. There is a reason why we are made that way and I respect, acknowledge and embrace those differences. Nobody can contest with nature – no matter how hip, modern and revolutionary you are.

People often mistake politeness and courteousness as signs of weakness. This is the biggest mistake that one can make.

I think this is a conflict, a sort of a dilemma that any woman with a sense of self-worth and self-awareness goes through. True that most of the time we just numb ourselves to the sexism around us and smile through gritted teeth simply not to create a scene – at work, in the streets, even among your closest circles and we don’t even realize that we are doing that. It has become a mechanism. Most women go through their lives having fully converted to this twisted religion of submissiveness and self-debasing – a sort of a fetish that the majority of Sri Lankan men and women seem to revel in. We as girls are taught from a young age by our own mothers no less, that our brothers by virtue of having been born male are the more important family members. In such a context when even women deny each other their rightful status as equals, how can one even speak of equality and fairness?

And then there are the lot of us who do know our worth, who have been trained from a young age to make our own space in the world and are proud of our achievements. Nobody handed us anything on silver platters and as a result we have every right to stand our ground and not take any shit from anyone. But does it matter? Does any of it matter at all if all you get is disrespect and sexism from the society in return? I do wonder sometimes.   

What makes men overlook your stature, your status as a human being, as a person and simply stare at your chest or beneath the hemline as if no other part of you exists? What makes them make crude comments and rude jokes about the females that they encounter in life? “Can’t you take a joke?” they ask and tell you to take it easy. I really don’t see what’s so funny when they comment on how your dress makes them feel or what they have to say about your body. I don’t know how easy they would take it if a woman happens to point out that the sleazy smile on their faces makes them look like warthog bottoms.

What gives them the right? It is as if ‘women’ jokes are the coolest jokes in town. It is as if female colleagues in a workplace are simply pornography that they can masturbate to in their heads. What gives them so much power? Is it the advantage of physical strength that makes them so flippant about their masculinity? But living in a world where most menfolk simply sit in front of a television all day forcing fast food down their throats, I must say that women will be able to trump this in no time at all as well if they cared to stay in shape.

It is even worse when you find out that the people who you regarded as intelligent, sensitive and frankly ‘above that’ have stooped to doing the same. Makes you lose faith in humanity altogether.  

The point I am trying to make is this. All your education, all your intelligence and capabilities are eclipsed by the fact that you are a woman. And God forbid if you are an attractive one! People will create the illusion of giving you respect just to be in your good graces, but catch them when they are a little drunk or out of their best judgment and you will catch a glance of the ugly, desperate animal within – an insult to humanity as it were.

These are the problems that escalate, that get ugly and end up hurting people. One only takes notice of these things when someone is raped, or worse yet – raped AND murdered. They will say ‘oh poor thing’, probably put up some sympathetic FB post, rally around the town square demanding justice and after a few weeks, everyone will forget. But who will rally for the everyday sexism, who will speak for the belittling, disrespect and the insults of everyday life? If someone has to get raped or murdered for an issue to get some attention, then there is something so clearly wrong in this twisted murk of a society that we live in.  

As a woman, I refuse to take shit, I never have – not from anyone. I refuse to take part in this twisted little mind f*** that is this society. I thrive on being a woman, I think it’s a fabulous thing to be. And I hope anyone reading this, man or woman would think twice about disrespecting anyone around them – whether it be at home, at work or on the streets. Females are not there for entertainment purposes. They are not your lunch time jokes. My greatest wish is to see us treated if not as equals, as persons with brain, heart and soul. Females are not that crude anecdote you related that made everyone in your office laugh, or components of your dick humor which makes you ‘the dude’ amongst your colleagues. Females are not your blow up dolls, not physically and neither in your mind. It is not 'fun' or 'rad' to make fun of women. It just proves one to be an ignorant and bitter failure of a being, the 'human' part being somewhat doubtful. Your attitude is the big, bright beacon of your personality, the one that tells the world 'here's who I am!'. Would you like to be naked in the public with all your ugliness exposed, you must decide.      

  

There was the launch, and then there's this album! - Stigmata's The Ascetic Paradox

The Lady was not going to do a review - because after the preview, a review would have been a little.....much. But then she listened to the album. She listened to it once, she listened to it twice, and then she lost the count of times she listened to it altogether. And then this rant pretty much typed itself.  

The venue was buzzing and you could cut the electricity with a knife. When we got there (a good hour early since parking is notoriously difficult at the venue) the ticket tables were still being set up and familiar faces were floating all around with a mixture of purpose, nervousness and anticipation. The air was different, more different than what we have experienced at any other gig we have been to – this was more intense, more MORE. We knew something exciting was coming. I think everybody sensed it as well.

We were ushered up a dark hallway lined with light, just enough to find our way, with walls adorned here and there with backlit characters from The Ascetic Paradox (I thought this was appropriate since we were after all, in the Halloween month). We then arrived at the exhibition showcasing photos and various artwork inspired by the band over the 15 years. For those who had been following the band throughout their journey, this was a heartwarming experience indeed. Earlier band members, portraits of the trio who had kept the Stigmata brand alive right from the start – Suresh, Tenny and Andrew (from hair growth, hair fall, haircuts to seasonal changes in face fuzz), it was a little like going through a family album, watching the kids grow up. Unforgettable moments from miscellaneous concerts, the craziest hair lashes, the grooviest band moments that make you say – hey, I was there when that happened! It is a feeling of having been there - from the first album to the fourth – and in the process, seeing them grow from boys to men involuntarily.

However, having seen a lot of the photos that has come out of the numerous gigs through the years, we expected a collection of mammoth dimensions at the venue. 15 years is a very long time and as I have commented earlier, these guys are some of the most photogenic devils that I know. We were a little surprised by the somewhat modest collection we found there. Followers, fans and photographers had been notified to send in their Stigmata moments prior to the event and it was disappointing to see that perhaps only a few may have had responded.

From the exhibition to the auditorium. We passed Delish wafting delicious smells and ignored their devilish temptation and headed into the hall where we loitered for a while longer till the action really began.  

The band arrived on stage with masks in place concealing their faces. And with a hearty conch shell bellow, a thumping of traditional Sri Lankan drums strangely and delectably reminiscent of a traditional devil exorcising ceremony, the launch began. This was significant I think because many demons were exorcised that night. The demons of everyday mundane existence vaporized into the air conditioned interiors of the hall as the music delivered a sort of serenity and invoked blessings upon the mesmerized audience – blessings of the heavy metal kind. Maybe I was mistaken, but the frontman seemed nervous during the first few notes, a fleeting observance barely picked up by the audience but somewhat noticeable to us who have never seen him nervous throughout the past long years. This was quite endearing, because it was evident what this night meant for the members of the band. But within the first few notes, they owned it. They blossomed out like an exotic night blooming flower, spreading their fragrance, entrapping the audience within its enchanting spell. The stage was theirs, every eye, every ear, and every mind in the audience was theirs, each person swaying to the rhythms that the band so generously lashed out to the night.

To capture a moment in time within one’s fist, to fully own that moment with guitar strings, drum sticks and lung power alone and to bend and twist the captured time as they willed and to command the love and the attention of the biggest audience that we have seen at a Sri Lankan metal concert, how glorious a thing it must be! This is exactly what Stigmata did that night – they ruled the night, they ruled every mind, heart and spirit that occupied the venue, burning bright and white. If only we could rule the world like this – with love, music and communal head banging!  

Well, let’s just say it was a good concert *looks around shiftily*

A gravity-defying moment

The album in its entirety was performed that night which was a gutsy thing to do and the best part was that we got goodies and memorabilia to take home as well – the album to slowly and leisurely savour, a customized shot glass, The Ascetic Paradox fridge magnet that doubles as a coaster (like hell I would keep any dirty glasses on that gorgeous thing), customized guitar pick each carrying a character from their mind-boggling album art, The Ascetic Paradox poster and a customized card pack, each card beautifully elaborated with a character from the artwork itself. I gushed and rambled on about the artwork on a previous post so I am not going to do it here. But I must say that the merchandise is truly marvelous.  

So here is my share of the merchandise

Since coming home with us, the album has not had a rest. It’s hard to describe this album, within itself a paradox. There is a larger Sri Lankaness in it than what we have experienced in any Stigmata album before, a more earthiness firmly based on Sri Lankan soil. There are toe-tapping baila beats (baila beats you say, in heavy metal??), groovy Middle Eastern tunes, the ever resonating Sri Lankan drums – the insistent thump that makes any Sri Lankan heart beat – it’s a curious mishmash of wonderful and unlikely things, and every single note within it a discovery. It’s easy to see that the band had put their heart, soul, flesh, blood and every fleeting ounce of energy into it because it’s tighter than (chee, you buggers) a closed clam and more solid than a block of concrete, so much so that it makes you shrink back a little and hiss - what sorcery is this!

I have been playing this aloud in my house for over two weeks and I haven’t had (m)any complaints yet. I even found my father tapping his foot to a particular baila beat and my mother humming the mind-effing guitar tune from “An idle mind is a devil’s workshop” in between pruning the hedges with the giant pair of scissors (which was kind of worrying). However, my dog just makes this WTF face while standing very still whenever I play the album in his vicinity. Oh well….. 

The album starts off with ‘Our Beautiful Decay’. A deceptively funky rhythm intro that encourages a few jive moves of your own, evolves into the hard hitting stuff that evolves into a 6-8 baila beat that evolves into the hard stuff into baila and hard stuff again *pants*. Let’s face it, the 6-8 baila beat is in the blood of every Sri Lankan anywhere in the world and I am not surprised that it is such a huge hit amongst the crowd. However, it is the intricate weaving of Sri Lankan drums, baila beats and heavy metal that is truly mind boggling. This beautiful concoction is further enhanced by a set of labyrinthine lyrics, remarkable in its intricacy, deep in implication. Rich imagery conjures up vivid pictures - butterflies tearing their chrysalis and flying off to the sun only to be burnt like Icarus while he asks the audience “Are you dancing in the shadows?”. It’s mad, it’s magic, it’s mayhem and it’s marvelously catatonic. In the end you come out of completely cleansed that you feel free of the grit and the grime of everyday existence once again.  

Our Beautiful Decay has been played at gigs so many times before and I believe that it is with this song that they initiated the making of The Ascetic Paradox (or was it “And now we shall bring them war’?). And personally ever since the first time I heard it, I’ve been waiting for a recording of the song because it’s unusual nature (and also Tenny’s fabulous dance moves on stage to the piece) had intrigued and aroused my curiosity. And as I predicted, I absolutely love it and I am not alone in this. I know,I'm psychic and I'm awesome.

The second song of course, ‘An Idle Mind is the Devil’sworkshop’ was released prior to the TAP launch and has had remarkable reviews and ravings since.  The third track – ‘(Still) Born again’ starts with a groovy acoustic session at the end of which the heavy stuff are handed out in abundance and brutifully. The fourth,  ‘Rush Through the Twilight Silver Slithering Stream (oh no, you won't be pronouncing that in a hurry) is another one that struck me with its clever and beautiful lyrics once again (I’m sorry if I’m going on about the lyrics, but I can’t help it ok).  “Society is indiscriminate - it's live and let live - live and let's kill” the singer is not only the minstrel but the prophet, the poet and the merciless critique of society. This is what I find refreshing about Stigmata music – its ability to not only serenade the ears, but also to speak to the mind.

The fifth track “Calm” is a beautiful ballad that serenades, lulls and cajoles the senses. Here is a track that has that unmistakable Stigmata touch upon its delicate skin, a vision for the mind, a cool, soothing balm for the soul. It jolts you at all the right places and calms you at others – that perfect balance of love and fist like in those perfect romances! And we all thought that ‘Lucid’ would have no rivals!

The sixth – Axioma is the brutalicious maiden who will continue to seduce with a gun pointed at your head. It’s heavy, it’s ravishingly lovely and surprising in its delicateness of expression and it is totally badass. Needless to say, we are in love with it.

One of my favourite shots of the trio singing "Let the Wolves come and lick thy wounds"

The seventh track of the album, “Let the wolves come and lick thy wounds” (‘not your spoons, your wounds’ as Suresh would say) was one that I had waited impatiently ever since I heard of it first. Mainly because I was swept right off my feet by the collaboration of Sanjeev Niles and Suresh de Silva in ‘Cadence of your tears’ – a dark, deep and soothing lullaby that pierces to your core and lights you up (and it appears that I still haven’t finished gushing about that piece), and was curious to see what this duo (plus Chrishantha de Silva of Salvage of course) would conjure up this time. And also because we heard the piece performed once and despite the technical glitches in sound that day, I knew that this was going to be good. And I was right! (again, I’m psychic and therefore, awesome).

The track starts off with a mélange of Flamenco (?) guitar and Sri Lankan drums which gives way to an angelic chorus by the Soul Sounds choir and the mood is set for a peaceful and calming musical repose. But no! The chorus suddenly and abruptly gives way to the deep, dark, reverberating voices of not one, but all three of the trio singing (rather deliciously bellowing) the chorus of the song. The punch it delivers hits you at the top of the head and drills down to the pit of your stomach, with irregular intervals and jarringly unexpected twists and turns keeping you on your feet right throughout. The deep baritone of Sanjeev is unmistakable in this while the voices of Suresh and Chrishantha spring forth from within its depths and embrace your ears with a power that is truly enthralling. This is a track that is ingenious in every way and a collaboration (for we know that not all collaborations turn out gold) that was done just about right.

The eighth and the closing opus of the album is a 13 minute long monster that is varied, vivid and valiant in its projection. The 13 minutes in itself is like a grand epic with morsels of melody, spectacular sweeps of guitar wizardry and tenacious punches of brutality that leaves your  head spinning (in a really good way). It’s somewhat of a magician’s hat – each time you listen to it, you discover something new and the charmingly bizarre fact is, the same can be said about the album itself. If ever there was a grand finale to a grand album such as The Ascetic Paradox, this would most definitely be it. 

A special note on the lyrics of the album which were delivered to us in a mind-frying little booklet within the CD itself. The words speak to that part of you that not everybody can speak to and the imagery they evoke pulse ever so savagely – like the heart of a great mysterious beast in tune to the rhythms they are set to. They dance around you in this frenzy that is almost psychedelic, blurring the lines between fantasy, reality and mythology. Each imagery leads the way to another more powerful one with brilliant play on words, clever juxtapositions and metaphors that make you stop and think and once put together, make your heart skip a beat. This is poetry, storytelling and that intrinsic rhythm in language combined together in that signature disjointed Stigmata vibe. The booklet is more of a miniature poetry collection rather than an album booklet, handed to us with text arranged in vertigo-inspiring spirals, curves and arcs within it. We believe that the frontman/lyricist has really outdone himself this time.

Respect for a band that has held it together tight and awesome for 15 years

Here is an album that delivers hit after hit after hit of pure Sri Lankan uniqueness. Here is an album that has been carefully thought out and planned out that there are no loose ends. Here is an album that transcends boundaries and laughs at established rules – which in itself is no great shock for if ever there was a band that broke all possible rules and lived, rather thrived and rejoiced to tell the tale, that would be Stigmata. Here is an album into which the very essence of the band had been poured and here is an album that truly portrays how much the boys have evolved over the past 15 years. And it's pretty bloody impressive. 

An apt manner of celebrating 15 years of Pure Sri Lankan originality wouldn’t you say?

It would be uncharacteristic of the foodie in me to not compare something this good to some kind of a food so I would say that this album to me is like Sri Lankan Love cake – piquant and spicy delivering kick after kick, sinfuliciously sweet and fragrant, absolutely flavoursome with surprises and discoveries at each single bite, so very addictive that you can never have enough and essentially, very much Sri Lankan.

Also, I think a huge shout out should also go out to whoever had been instrumental in putting together this monumental album and the monumental launch that went with it. I do not know in detail what went on behind the curtains, but from what we have seen and what we have experienced during the launch, the amount of work and dedication that went into it is very much apparent. Everything went like a well-oiled machine - no glitches anywhere, at least nothing that we noticed and an event of such behemothic proportions does not get organized by itself. So here's to the folk behind the curtains, under the tables and beneath the stage - no more than an army of friends and followers who had gathered around the group over the years, brought together by the power of their music.

This much love and this much devotion! The band may not be making millions selling their records (for now), but in our eyes, they are a very rich bunch, blessed with unfathomable treasures.   

If you missed out on the 17^th October gig, know that you’ve missed out on something momentous, a chance of witnessing history in the making. BUT as it happens, the guys have got quite a few CD’s and goodies still left, so the good news is, if you wanted to experience this brutal beauty by yourself, you still can! Only a few premium packs containing the album, poster, card pack, fridge magnet/coaster, guitar pick and shot glass are left, so if you want them you better hurry up. Contact them on their website or on the Facebook group to reserve your CD or merchandise – and I must now, at the danger of sounding like an advertisement say you can’t afford to miss out on these for 2 reasons - 

1) this is something that shouldn’t be missed by anyone who appreciates not only good music but a good piece of art in general

2) these guys don’t produce these goods on a mass scale so once they run out, they have run out

...so for those who want a slice of this pièce de résistance extraordinaire, better grab them now. 

There is art that is borne out of commercial necessity and then there is art that is born out of the necessity of the soul to create something beautiful - anyone can feel the difference. While many albums have been known to shine momentarily with borrowed light and fade away into nothingness eventually, The Ascetic Paradox shows the world the difference between the two in rising above the rest and shining with its own luminosity. The Lady recommends this sublime experience highly. Because she believes that everybody deserves a touch of beauty, a peek into the divine every once in a while.

      

  

...and then there's the family picture 

     *Disclaimer - all pictures in this post (except the one with the merchandise) were sourced from the band's page which in turn were posted there by various individuals. The creative rights of the photos belong solely to them.    

On Soulmates, Kindred Spirits and the call of the universe

Why is it that everybody seems to be talking about soulmates these days?

For the past couple of weeks, I met at least 8 people with whom I had very insightful and rather unexpected discussions about soulmates and kindred spirits. I have spoken with many people about this curious soulmate phenomena before but this is the first time in my life that this kind of soulful discussions had been carried out with such consistency. Is it karmic, is it pure coincidence or is it just the rain? Or maybe, the universe is gesturing at me wildly to write about it. And when the universe calls, you've gotta answer.

Soulmates come in many forms - as friends, as lovers, as family members. And contrary to popular belief, there is definitely more than one soulmate per person (but none if you spend your life in eternal oblivion never really opening your eyes). When one hears of soulmates, one effortlessly jumps into assuming that it is a lover. This may be due to the sheer strength of connection that one feels between the soulmates and due to this, it is easy to jump into a romantic involvement in a heartbeat, but it shouldn't always be the case. I am not saying that it doesn't work out that way, in fact there is a very high chance of soulmates working their way through a romantic relationship than two complete strangers who have no connection with each other whatsoever. But I also believe that the universe works hard to help you figure out what exactly is right and if your instincts are sharp enough, you will be able to pick up on those signals and continue upon your intended path.

How would I know? Because I have had my share of soulmates in my life. My best friends had always been soulmates and there was a period in life where I had been friends with soulmates exclusively. And no, that was not lonely because if truth be told, one or two soulmates in your life is actually way more rewarding that a host of simply other beings surrounding you 24 hours a a day. I am currently in a relationship with a soulmate - the one the universe wants me to spend my life with I believe and who was also once my best friend. Soulmates have a way of shaping one another – of steering you towards your destiny whether you like it or not. My experience of being romantically involved with a soulmate is very vibrant. An evolved soulmate romantic relationship is characteristic of growing together, rising above the mundane, inspiring one another and moulding one another to be the best that they can be and I have been fortunate enough to be blessed with one. They bring out the best in you, and this can be very confronting and even intrusive as growth is not easy - it comes with having to deal with one’s own ego and having to see past it. Romantic soulmate connections are intense – you feel scarred by them sometimes and the imprints they leave, they leave for life. Happy moments are ecstatic and when it makes you sad, you droop to the very depths. But you can never, ever experience the deep connection that you feel, that satiates not only your your mind, your body, and your soul with anyone else. Yes, it is that special.

And when you sit down and trace your lives together, you will see that your paths have unknowingly crossed so many times before or that you have almost met before but as circumstances would have it, you have missed each other many times over as well. In some cases you will also see that at certain periods of your lives you’ve gone through the same things. You often share the same tastes, similar characteristics and you simply click – for example, my current partner and I bonded over a common interest in music and once realized, we went on to discover that music wasn’t the only thing that we had in common. And in most cases, the moment you lock eyes on each other, you will simply feel that electric connection – that uncanny feeling of knowing that person before, that strange familiarity, even though that is probably the first time you’ve met each other.

No, not love at first sight! That's just cheesy. This is different. This is something deep and reverberating. It is karmic and in no way have to be romantic. It's simply, a sense of knowing.   

Karmic connections have a way of finding you whether or not you are ready to receive them. As life would have it, I have had to reject a few soulmates in my life, purposely placed barrages in between to separate and placed boundaries because frankly, it is scary how intensely, how deeply you connect and how quickly. It's disturbing how it all tumbles on to you too soon, too fast and way too intense than you bargained for. Also one may have to reject them when they come at the wrong time and place and if your instincts are in place, you would hold up your hand and say, whoa there please stop and slowly back away. But no matter how much you distance them they will always find their way back to you, or you will find a way to keep contact because your soul demands it - some as close friends, some as estranged best friends and some, simply semi-strangers that you haven't quite gotten to know just lurking around the corner, waiting to be known.

If you are not attuned to your own soul, sometimes you can still be attracted to your soulmates not really knowing the reason, simply attributing it to something superficial. This is you answering your soul’s calling to find that missing something, but due to the un-enlightened nature of one’s own consciousness, you confuse that call with a more superficial one and askew that connection entirely by careless handling, therefore driving your soulmates away. This is when the soulmates in question are immature or have not yet properly evolved that you know instinctively that he/she is going to drag you under too if you attach yourself to them. In which case it’s better to stay away at a safe distance until the sooulmate finds their path – gently nudging them in the right direction perhaps, never really losing contact, always in touch. And timing most often in these cases, is everything as wrong timing can lead to driving you further apart. But to evolve, a person must be willing first. 

And then there are the Faux soulmates. On the surface, there couldn’t be a more perfect soulmate. You have similar tastes and interests, you even finish each other’s sentences. But in the end it just turns out that the other person has simply been mirroring you all along. One must stay away from them – they are toxic. This has been known to happen, and when it happens it’s good to be aware.
     

Soulmate connections are rare, and when found, even in the situation of the soulmates not really having attained the desired maturity and the correct timing, you must not simply let go. It’s good to remember that you are connected by something stronger than just attraction, brotherhood or sisterhood, it’s most often destiny or the possibility of being guided to your true calling in life. If properly put to use, soulmate connections can be very rewarding. But who am I to preach, I myself have a lot to learn on the subject. But I have always been an intuitive person and I believe I have experienced this wonderful phenomenon more than most people must have. Yet, I don't flatter myself. 

Universe! I ranted on. I hope you are happy. Now leave me alone :P