On time and being "busy"

As a child, I had wanted to be busy. I used to look at my parents and others who I used to regard as adults and marvel at how wonderful their lives may be, how important they must feel, to be so busy all the time.

As a university student, I smirked whenever someone said they were busy. I preferred long bus rides to a quick cab ride or being driven around by someone. I liked long walks and often walked the 5-6 KMs that was there from my university to my home refusing to take a bus or a tuk. I did not understand why others did not do the same. I was dismayed that people were always in a rush to get somewhere, I hated how they used to honk at traffic lights instead of patiently waiting, enjoying their time. I reveled in visiting friends and spending time with them and could not understand why people older than us did not revel in it anymore. I hated how no one took the time to stop and appreciate the small things. I did want to rush anywhere.

But now I do. In fact, I am always rushing, everywhere at any given time. 

As an adult (ok well at least age wise) I now understand why people are always rushing, why people are always in a hurry to get somewhere, why people grow restless waiting. I understand why people are impatient and they do not enjoy the privilege of meeting up with friends, stopping and appreciating the little things in life and basically, taking it slow. Because I myself am in a constant rush now. 

I am not sure when it happened, but suddenly you are caught up in this whirlpool of events and happenings that leave you exhausted all the time. Earlier you would rather go out dancing, catch up with friends or travel, do something adventurous but now, getting holed up in your room with a nice cup of tea with no one for company and a few hours to yourself is the perfect adventure that you’ve been dreaming of.longing for.

What happened? I started working. I started rising. I started getting ambitious. I now have everything I have ever dreamt of career-wise with a very comfortable material life. But I have lost something very valuable to myself along the way. Time.

I remember the time I worked 4 jobs because I was not satisfied and still enjoyed the painfully slow bus rides home. I remember the times when coming home from work was not a certainty and after going home from office at 11 pm, opened up my laptop at 12 to continue working till the wee hours of the morning only to get up and go to work again. I worked through weekends, I worked through nights. I worked hard and I worked with honesty. I created a life for myself and depended on no one to provide for me. And of that I am proud. 

   

Because of that, life is not as hectic as it used to be anymore. I am reaping the fruits of all that hard work all those years back and if I wanted, I could retire now and still lead a comfortable life. But I do not want to stop. This is the real tragedy. 

I used to wonder at people getting pedicures done at salons, paying good money. Why could they not get it done at home – scrub the feet, file those nails, push back the cuticles, get rid of the dead skin at the soles of feet, apply nail polish – base coat first, color second and top coat last, a small interval between each of these steps. Now I find myself getting a pedicure every once in a while. I get pedicures just to feel good. It feels good to rest my feet for a while – something that I hardly get time for anymore.

Strange how things have changed, opinions and all.

The thesis monster has been slain. It is strange though, I had thought that it would have physically felt like lifting a weight off my head and I would feel like dancing through the meadows, arms outstretched with an absolute sense of freedom but nothing of the sort has been felt. It just feels…..normal.

Although the MBA is finally over, there are other things that take up my time. My food blog for example. It’s taken off at a rate and I am ever so proud of it. Slowing down now would be fatal.

All the trips that me and the husband creature promised one another we would take, all the things that we promised ourselves that we will do, still awaits. Honestly speaking, all I want to do right now is stay home and sleep! And cuddle. And eat and drink. And just lie around doing basically nothing in particular. 

Life. It was only yesterday that was Sunday and here I am already wishing for the weekend. But what we don't realize is that as we eagerly wait for the weekend, we are also wishing for less time with our loved ones, less time on planet earth, less time to be young, the end of an era, for death itself.

We humans sometimes don't realize what we wish for - and then get it anyway in the end.