Tranquility :)

Feeling of inner peace........how rare is that? And that is exactly how I feel right now.Inner peace...........

Haven't really had the time to write a blog post the past couple of days just because I felt guilty spending time tapping away blog posts that nobody is going to grade on the keyboard when I HAD other boring stuff to tap away which ARE going to be graded by unmerciful examiners pretty soon. So yes, life has been busy but calm and satisfying. The creativity levels are high these days too and I've been writing some highly insightful things lately and everything seems to be under control emotionally, physically, mentally. And what might not be under control are just........well, out of my grasp *indifferent shrug*. And I now know better than to worry about things beyond my control.

I have learnt many a valuable lessons for the past couple of weeks or so. More likely, its been a constant journey of learning throughout these past couple of years. Yes, at first I got excited, angry, even upset, got overtly happy and then got overtly disappointed only to arrive at this juncture in my life where serenity is valuable more than anything else. And as our Great Lord Buddha has preached centuries ago, I have understood now that the middle path is the way to go. A sort of a passivity if you may, but I like the feeling. Its so peaceful and so quiet and I haven't felt this way in a very long time.

Its all about giving your best, doing the best you can, being the best you can, doing good to others, self-sacrificially sometimes and just being hopeful for the future. Its about not accepting much and being satisfied with what you have and knowing that you have done the best you could and the rest is up to the rest of the world as what happens is beyond your control and there shall be no regrets no matter what happens. Its about putting your faith and trust in that higher power which guides us all, putting your faith in destiny to do what is right for you. Justice will be served and those who do wrong will be punished as well as those who do the right things will be rightfully rewarded. That's just how the world revolves and that has always been the case with me. The good has always been rewarded while the bad has been punished. Severely. And so far, I had always been guided down the right path and I trust myself to find my way, always.

Life is all about the lessons it teaches you, the things you learn, the maturation process. It knocks the breath off your chest sometimes but only to fill your lungs anew with a freshness that you've not experienced before. And while you go, you lose somethings only to gain something new, which are usually better than before if you are wise enough to make the right choices. Sacrifices must be made to attain something new. Be it your pride, the ego, the fears, your faults, habits, something or someone really important to you, etc. Nothing can be gained without first letting something go. Something must be given up to achieve something valuable. Nothing comes free.

The best part is there is no more fear. There's only calmness and acceptance, tranquility, knowing that I shall accept whatever that life ladles out to me, no questions asked. Its just that there are no more nasty surprises, I know that ANYTHING is possible at this point, so I won't be shocked either way. And as the extra bossy instructors during my Girl Guide days would constantly repeat over and over again to the point of making us sick : "Be Prepared!" I'm sure that they would be so bloody proud of me if they met the Girl Guide in me now :D

Its all about preserving your dignity and looking life full in the face with your head held high and yet being humble enough to admit a mistake when you are aware that you made one. Nobody is perfect. If you are not perfect, you just cannot expect others to be perfect. That's a fact of life.

What is important is this tranquility that prevails right now, this deep sense of inner peace. With so many things to face up to, with so many challenges, be it exams, thesis writing, personal endevours, important meetings that could change my life forever coming up in the next couple of weeks, I should be in a ball of jitters right now, but I'm not. I'm thankful for all the things I have in my life right now and I know many would kill to have what I have and I'm proud of it all. I have people who love me, who care for me and who are constantly looking out for me, and most of all, I have myself looking out for me. I am not afraid. Come what may, I know that this girl will brave it all single handedly, unflinching, unmoving and always, with a smile on my face. I've always been a fighter and what's more, I know when to let go and when to hold on. Valuable lessons learnt through many a tears and pain. I've grown up I suppose. Grown up to be the woman that I've always wanted to be. Yet I would retain my childlike innocence because it is important to me. I like returning to that inner child of mine once in a while when being a grown up becomes too tiring.

Tranquility......... I would not have it any other way :)

Random bits of life

Been feeling a bit philosophical lately, pondering on life, on its frivolities and most of all, its complexities. Have much to grouch about but hadn't really the time to bitch nor the sufficient amount of blood to boil over the apparent crappiness of the current condition, so I shall just keep my head above the water trying not to drown in the immense amounts of work that our university system has oh-so-generously bestowed upon us hapless mortals which is one reason that I have not written much lately and why my life has transformed itself into a filthy troll parade. Sigh..........................

I find Celtic music soothing. It takes you softly by the hand and leads you up mountains, down valleys and to the middle of enchanted forests, whispering tales of ancient Vikings, long-eared elves, long lost princesses and soft flowing rivers. Never fails to put a smile on my face whatever goose-crapping mood I'm in. I'd recommend it for anyone who appreciates good music.

Writing calms me down. It helps to get it all out and it helps to get lost in my own head and get the mess sorted out once in a while in there. Right now it just looks like this giant mongoose with a sensitive stomach ate up a whole library, a fast food joint and a garbage truck and shitted all over my brain. I'm serious, its that bad.

Well, life............what can I say, it goes on. And I'm just waiting, just waiting and waiting and I don't know what I'm waiting for. Been feeling a little blank lately, sort of like this void widening and I'm waiting. And still I don't know what I'm waiting for. Hopefully its something good. But then there is no good or bad in the world, there are just grey areas which seems black or white in the beginning but after a while the mist clears up. I feel myself withdrawing and going into this protective shell and I don't really know why. I'm just too tired I guess, I have lost three kilos in two days and that is not healthy. Life can do that to you I've heard. I'l be hoping that I'l snap out of it soon and meanwhile, I intend on celebrating the small joys in life and getting back in shape, mentally and physically. Speaking of which, I finally got my hands on that punching bag that I've been after for a while now :)

Creeps on the streets

Creeps on the streets. Yes, makes you think that half the male population in the country belong in loony bins. There are several types by the way. Yes, I'm considering opening up an asylum for the mentally challenged.

Lets start with the starring type. You would see them every where, on the streets, in buses, hospitals, schools, restaurants, shopping malls, dosai joints, photocopy centers, under lamp posts, behind trees, in your local soya ice cream spot, gawking at you with their mouths hanging open while you wonder if you've got something on your face or you've got a stray piece of underwear attached embarrassingly on to your cloths. They stare at you with rounded,wide-opened eyes, stare down your non-existent cleavages, making you wonder if they've got X-ray eyes that pierce right through your cloths and right under your not-so-flattering lingerie. Anyways, we Sri Lankans are naturally curious and are prone to staring (image of a man at a restaurant staring at another one's plate to see what he has ordered) so if the staring surpasses the curious level and borders on manic behavior, its time to hit the frown button.

And then there's the commenting type. This group divides itself in to several subdivisions- the wolf-whistlers, the ass-whisperers to the loud-mouthed-trash-talking bunch. The wolf-whistlers just whistle while the loud-mouthed-trash-talkers would greet you in loud "hi'"s, comment on your cloths, jewellery, shoes, accessories, etc and laugh out loud at their own jokes while you roll your eyes at the heavens and simply walk away. The ass-whisperers are the worst. They come up behind/beside/in front of you and whisper obscenities in to your ear like a lover whispering sweet-nothings to an attentive sweetheart. Although they make you want to snap their heads right off, pour gasoline in to their windpipes, stuff gunpowder down their filthy little throats and fire them away, they are relatively harmless. Nothing that a set of headphones and some blaring, head-banging music could cure.  

Then there are the stalkers, the half-wits that may and may not pose a threat to the stalked. These creepy-crawlies can be found anywhere, particularly in secluded neighborhoods, but then they could be watching you from behind dark glasses in the middle of a bustling city and you'd never know. They stalk you in vehicles, they stalk you on foot, they'd stalk you in a friggin' wheelbarrow if they could but they'l stalk you anyway because they love the chase. Some will be content in just following you around and watching your reaction from their rear view mirrors, pretending to be on a phone call, while others may satisfy themselves by starring at you point blank. Some may follow you to your home, wait for you in the same place same time and then accompany you to your work place and from there, to your home again. Unless they intend on kidnapping you, murdering/raping you or exporting your kidneys to Romania, you have nothing to worry about. Its a fetish, I assure you.     

Then there are the pubic shows. I don't understand why certain "males" in our society go out and buy cloths for themselves at all when all they do is go around flashing their minuscule packages at unsuspecting females, disgusting them from any hopes of ever having sexual relations with a man. What in the Dick-ens ( excuse the pun) do they expect, for the women folk to suddenly get all excited & give them a BJ or something? Honestly, this type exceeds the definition of the word "pervert"and borders on downright ridiculously retarded.

The other day The Lady Grouch came across a young girl, early teens at most, who was being harassed by one of these exhibitionist types. A tiny sprat of a man, barely four feet tall was circling around the girl saying something in a low voice & I could see her crying silently as I passed her by. She was obviously glad to have some company, hastened her steps & kept close to me and I decided to ask her what is wrong. At my approach, the sprat-man cycled away hastily & she broke in to sobs again & told me that the man was following her, cornering her up at lonely spots and displaying his private parts to her, muttering vulgarities  in her ear. I decided to accompany her to her home as she was clearly frightened & decided to aim a kick at the sprat-man's bicycle to send him flying if he dared come any closer which he didn't. Guess he read the foreboding look in my eyes that screamed blue murder & the desire to rip off his almost invisible testicles & hang them out for the crows to peck at alongside the sprat from which they were extracted, hanging upside down ( who will be, by the way in the process of becoming Maldives fish ) in the baking sun.

That is by all means, not the first time that a girl walking down the Sri Lankan streets had been harassed so deplorably in broad day light & it shall not most definitely, be the last.. I'm sure that most of you girls out there had been nodding your heads in agreement as you read this as almost all the female population go through this kind of donkey shit in their day to day lives up to a certain degree. Lady Grouch too had been stalked, whispered filth to, flashed & starred at so many times to the point that she was once forced to knock off someone's teeth, owing to her volcanic temper which took the harasser completely by surprise. We the "fairer sex" are supposed to remain passive and enduring in the face of gross indecency as even the authorities would laugh it off & make the plaintiff uncomfortable if one dares to stand up to this type of street harassment  Wonder what the authorities who go around capturing "porn stars" & lovers walking hand in hand, pulling down advertisements & banning mini skirts are doing about all this. Bull shit paradise indeed.

Being a girl in our small paradise island is a hard job, but someone's got to do it. So wutcha waiting for ladies? Time to put a stiletto-heeled foot down on street harassment & smash it to a pulp. Knock em balls off & straighten up your hair. You know you can do it ;)