Creeps on the streets

Creeps on the streets. Yes, makes you think that half the male population in the country belong in loony bins. There are several types by the way. Yes, I'm considering opening up an asylum for the mentally challenged.

Lets start with the starring type. You would see them every where, on the streets, in buses, hospitals, schools, restaurants, shopping malls, dosai joints, photocopy centers, under lamp posts, behind trees, in your local soya ice cream spot, gawking at you with their mouths hanging open while you wonder if you've got something on your face or you've got a stray piece of underwear attached embarrassingly on to your cloths. They stare at you with rounded,wide-opened eyes, stare down your non-existent cleavages, making you wonder if they've got X-ray eyes that pierce right through your cloths and right under your not-so-flattering lingerie. Anyways, we Sri Lankans are naturally curious and are prone to staring (image of a man at a restaurant staring at another one's plate to see what he has ordered) so if the staring surpasses the curious level and borders on manic behavior, its time to hit the frown button.

And then there's the commenting type. This group divides itself in to several subdivisions- the wolf-whistlers, the ass-whisperers to the loud-mouthed-trash-talking bunch. The wolf-whistlers just whistle while the loud-mouthed-trash-talkers would greet you in loud "hi'"s, comment on your cloths, jewellery, shoes, accessories, etc and laugh out loud at their own jokes while you roll your eyes at the heavens and simply walk away. The ass-whisperers are the worst. They come up behind/beside/in front of you and whisper obscenities in to your ear like a lover whispering sweet-nothings to an attentive sweetheart. Although they make you want to snap their heads right off, pour gasoline in to their windpipes, stuff gunpowder down their filthy little throats and fire them away, they are relatively harmless. Nothing that a set of headphones and some blaring, head-banging music could cure.  

Then there are the stalkers, the half-wits that may and may not pose a threat to the stalked. These creepy-crawlies can be found anywhere, particularly in secluded neighborhoods, but then they could be watching you from behind dark glasses in the middle of a bustling city and you'd never know. They stalk you in vehicles, they stalk you on foot, they'd stalk you in a friggin' wheelbarrow if they could but they'l stalk you anyway because they love the chase. Some will be content in just following you around and watching your reaction from their rear view mirrors, pretending to be on a phone call, while others may satisfy themselves by starring at you point blank. Some may follow you to your home, wait for you in the same place same time and then accompany you to your work place and from there, to your home again. Unless they intend on kidnapping you, murdering/raping you or exporting your kidneys to Romania, you have nothing to worry about. Its a fetish, I assure you.     

Then there are the pubic shows. I don't understand why certain "males" in our society go out and buy cloths for themselves at all when all they do is go around flashing their minuscule packages at unsuspecting females, disgusting them from any hopes of ever having sexual relations with a man. What in the Dick-ens ( excuse the pun) do they expect, for the women folk to suddenly get all excited & give them a BJ or something? Honestly, this type exceeds the definition of the word "pervert"and borders on downright ridiculously retarded.

The other day The Lady Grouch came across a young girl, early teens at most, who was being harassed by one of these exhibitionist types. A tiny sprat of a man, barely four feet tall was circling around the girl saying something in a low voice & I could see her crying silently as I passed her by. She was obviously glad to have some company, hastened her steps & kept close to me and I decided to ask her what is wrong. At my approach, the sprat-man cycled away hastily & she broke in to sobs again & told me that the man was following her, cornering her up at lonely spots and displaying his private parts to her, muttering vulgarities  in her ear. I decided to accompany her to her home as she was clearly frightened & decided to aim a kick at the sprat-man's bicycle to send him flying if he dared come any closer which he didn't. Guess he read the foreboding look in my eyes that screamed blue murder & the desire to rip off his almost invisible testicles & hang them out for the crows to peck at alongside the sprat from which they were extracted, hanging upside down ( who will be, by the way in the process of becoming Maldives fish ) in the baking sun.

That is by all means, not the first time that a girl walking down the Sri Lankan streets had been harassed so deplorably in broad day light & it shall not most definitely, be the last.. I'm sure that most of you girls out there had been nodding your heads in agreement as you read this as almost all the female population go through this kind of donkey shit in their day to day lives up to a certain degree. Lady Grouch too had been stalked, whispered filth to, flashed & starred at so many times to the point that she was once forced to knock off someone's teeth, owing to her volcanic temper which took the harasser completely by surprise. We the "fairer sex" are supposed to remain passive and enduring in the face of gross indecency as even the authorities would laugh it off & make the plaintiff uncomfortable if one dares to stand up to this type of street harassment  Wonder what the authorities who go around capturing "porn stars" & lovers walking hand in hand, pulling down advertisements & banning mini skirts are doing about all this. Bull shit paradise indeed.

Being a girl in our small paradise island is a hard job, but someone's got to do it. So wutcha waiting for ladies? Time to put a stiletto-heeled foot down on street harassment & smash it to a pulp. Knock em balls off & straighten up your hair. You know you can do it ;)