Dog behavior resulting in the increased rate of rape incidents :O

There seems to be some sort of a doggy orgy going on in the streets these days. Jeeno is constantly hovering about the gates, darting out in to the streets at the slightest chance, only to come back very late in the evening, hardly even able to wag his tail. And they all seem to be chasing after this one female dog (she being the ONLY female dog available in the neighborhood at the moment), she is constantly being followed around by a hoard of admirers, sniffing away at the very ground her paws touched. Its absurd really, this outrageous doggy orgy, you could hear them going at it all through the night. One female and all those males too! Oh no! *Gasp, shock, heart attack!*

In this country of purity where the TV screens are blotted out with humongous squares even when the strap of a lady's dress slips off her shoulder or her skirt is lifted a tad bit by the wind, I am wondering why our highly virtuous authorities allow this kind of outrageous, highly immoral behavior of the doggies out on the streets. Well, "inappropriate" cutouts have all been taken down, "porn stars" have been arrested, young lovers strolling hand in hand are being harassed and I suppose they are all too busy censoring alcoholic and smoking scenes off films that are being telecast to attend to the child rapists and perverts that go about harassing women in public. Since all the sources from which our pure, virginal culture could be contaminated with being removed and out of the way, it is maybe the doggies going at each other in the streets that is the cause of the augmented rate of rape cases in the country?

Sexuality has always been a taboo subject in our country. Little boys' hands are being swatted away from their crotches from a very young age and little girls are being warned about this spot in their body (sort of like a death button really)  that they should never touch unless they wanted to die. I for one, grew up with a mortal fear of my body, horrbly afraid of touching the wrong places and dying so young. So you see, we have always been made to be afraid of our sexuality, not understand and embrace it like it really should have been done. But things did improve as time went by, sexual and reproductive studies have been introduced in to the curriculum (although teachers chose to squirm at the mere mention of the word sex and preferred to skip those chapters) bisexuality became the "in" thing in society and people began to discuss sexuality merely to appear "cool". But there had been a paradigm shift somewhere in the near past where preserving the culture suddenly metamorphosed in to forbidding lovers to hold hands in the streets to the utter ridiculous notion of banning miniskirts (Chauvinistic much?) and blotting out 2/3 of a movie just because it had kissing/drinking/smoking scenes in it ( I had given up watching local TV channels out of pure love for my TV set)

What do the authorities expect to gain out of thus glorifying and mystifying this notion of sex? Haven't our ignorant, (ahem) learned prudes across the lake ever heard about the theory of the forbidden fruit? It is human nature to crave for the unattainable, to probe in to the forbidden and gain it, most probably through highly questionable means. So why this exoticism of something as natural, normal and basic as sex and making it out to be something perverse in the process? In Abraham  Maslow's hierarchy of needs, which includes the most basic human needs like food, water and shelter, sex too is defined as a bare essential. What happens when one is deprived of one's basic needs? The results flash across your daily newspaper in big, black letters, the ruination of young, blooming rose buds, old women violated, murdered, young women with their whole lives ahead of them abused physically, shattered psychologically, scarred for life...............................

Hypocrisy is clad in white and seated in the high backed chairs in the parliament. It is from there that they decide to ban all porn sites, take down "inappropriate" cutouts, blur half of a movie and censor the rest leaving only a few minutes of watchable material, while they perform the entire Kamasutra and the whole acrobatic routine of the Chinese circus behind the closed curtains of their luxurious hotel suites. Its hard being a woman in this country. As if all the discrimination, double standards for men and women, the suppression, chauvinistic attitude that one has to suffer even from one's own kith and kin that has always oppressed the womankind for centuries isn't enough. The law makers of this country need a gender change, even if it was for just one day, stripped of their Prados, their battalions of body guards and made to take public transport, just so they realize what the ordinary woman suffers, just to get through their day. They should feel what it feels like to be groped, poked, flashed at, abused with sexually explicit words each day in public transport, on the streets, sexually harassed and discriminated at their work places. The last thing we need are sexually depressed men roaming the streets, waiting to pounce on us long-suffering females.

It takes a considerable amount of time scrutinizing young lovers hands to see if they are even the slightest bit coming in to contact with each other or censoring a film (since there is an awful lot to censor) . Why haven't these geniuses figured out that they could be capturing and punishing half a dozen rapists and public pervs and making this society a safe place for our children to grow up in during the time they stand around tearing down cutouts and analyzing, interpreting and dissecting "porn" videos that they obtained from the net?

So I suppose the authorities will take necessary steps to eliminate this appalling behavior of the doggies on the streets very soon. It is, most undoubtedly polluting, sullying, demolishing, buldozing our pellucid, pristine culture! This is, after all, the purest, most virtuous country in the whole world.
 
So.................What next? Chastity belts for the whole bloody nation?

Avoiding the pink elephant

One of our dogs died several days ago. I was avoiding having to write or talk about it all this while, in fact, I was avoiding her death all together but today, I just realized that I just could not walk around this huge, luminous elephant that is right there smack in the middle of the room forever. Its crazy how these things walk around following you like big, dark, cold shadows, blowing icy cold breath down your shirt as you go about your day. So I shall write about it now. And hope that the feeling will pass.

Isn't it amazing to what extent that we would go just to avoid pain? Denial of truth. Sometimes its just easier to just avoid the truth than having to face the bitter reality that is a little too real for our tastes.

 She wasn't even with us for that long, it was only about two years ago that my mother brought her home, a stray puppy stranded, chewing at a poster on the roadside. She grew up healthy and stout with a rather vivacious appetite but was quite fearful, although she did a hell of a lot of barking at kites, lizards, squirrels and everything else that moved. I have to admit, she was never my favorite, Jeeno having been my super sensitive sweetheart for a considerable amount of time even before she arrived at the household. She wasn't very polite either, she was an utter nuisance sometimes, always getting in our way, always slobbering up all over the place, graceless and her loyalties lied with whoever gave her something to eat, even if it was some random stranger who happened to pass by.

                       We never got her sterilized because we considered it inhuman to do so. Four months ago she gave birth to six puppies half of whom she killed by sitting on them ( Maybe she thought that she was a hen??)  and the other half by starving them to death ( would explain the hen theory cz eggs don't necessarily come and pull, chew and suck at your tits) She just wouldn't let the pups who have barely even opened their eyes come anywhere close to her nipples. Even after we placed them there she would throw them away with her mouth without a second thought. We tried to feed them, under the instructions of our vet but I suppose pups that small just couldn't survive without its mother's milk and care so they died. She was an indifferent mother. She didn't even care.

                        She had expressionless eyes, yet they were somewhat sad, somewhat fearful. They never sparkled with joy, they never expressed gratitude, they just emanated this eternal state of sorrow which puzzled us because she was a rather active dog, always pestering Jeeno to come out and play, pestering us for something to eat. She was somewhat of a glutton that one. So when she wouldn't eat for three whole days, we got worried. She did take her milk though and a yogurt at every meal so she wasn't exactly starving. Besides, dogs have these purging periods from time to time and we thought it to be normal although, we were hoping to take her to the Vet again if things didn't improve just the morning we found her dead. She never looked sick enough to die.

                We have had dogs from even before I was born. We have had several dozens of different shapes, sizes, breeds, sorts, seen them grow up from puppies to adults and then again see them getting buried under the soil after having lived their share of the world several dozen times too. Each time the pain was the same and each time a new K9 member comes in to the family, you promise yourself not to get too attached and to look at them in a detached kind of way, to remind yourself of the ones who had parted and to remind yourself time and time again that this one too shall leave when its time comes. Each time, you promise yourself not to take them in to your heart, that you are not going to shed tears over the inevitable, that after all the things you've been through, you think that you have learnt your lesson and hardened up. But each time with their deaths you have to face that sinking feeling of this gloomy darkness settling upon you, the lead weight of death sitting on you like a huge iron bird hovering above you and pecking away at your brain. No matter how many times you have seen them go, its still the same kind of pain that you feel somewhere deep down. No matter how much you try, death will never be "just" another death. There really are no safety precautions against death, is there?

And now Mother Dearest wants to get a new puppy but I am not so sure. We are tending to three stray puppies and a mother dog that has been left on the lurch in the street outside our house these days. One of the puppies has just been taken in for adoption today, only two remains. We shall be taking care of them for the moment I suppose. I really cannot make up my mind to commit myself to another four legged soul again. They all end up breaking our hearts and leaving us forever. Even if you heal the scars remain. They remind us of all the balls thrown to play fetch, all the times you've held their paws at the vet, all the times you fed them, brushed their coats, being licked at completely unexpected moments, even the times they made you angry............You feel so sorry that you scolded them and all you could do is wish they were alive so that you could have given them a biscuit, a scratch behind their ears, apologize for being too harsh.........................

Why is it that we never learn? Why is it that we turn around and do the same thing, consciously or unconsciously that we promised ourselves not to do, do stupid things like get ourselves emotionally attached to things, people and animals that we know will leave one day, hurting us, wrenching our hearts out, crushing whatever it was left in us to pieces? Nothing is permanent, I know that very well, I have learnt lessons the hard way and I am still learning, but why am I still making the same mistake? Can we love without getting too attached, ready to let go whenever it requires us to do so? Will it hurt less if things are done that way? Why do we have to go and get ourselves diving head first in to deep emotional connections when we KNOW that most of the time, you just cannot trust another not to hurt you? When will we learn? Or am I the incorrigibly and hopelessly pathetic one who has attachment problems that run too deep? I hope not. The problem is, when I fall, I fall too hard, fall too deep and I cannot clamber up so easily. And I usually have no one but myself to blame for being so naive, for being so trusting, for loving, with everything I've got, with nothing to fall back on, thinking that they will live on forever. I really do hope that I have learnt my lessons from past hurts, from past disappointments, past deceptions and worst of all, past deaths of these four legged fur balls that nuzzle up to you and demand a part of your heart which they take with them when they die..................I fall too deep and I never land on my feet. And I've only got myself to blame.

100 things :)

                The Lady is getting quite tired of blowing her nose. Yes, another crappy flu weighing her down and no, she hasn't taken any medication yet. But with all the sneezing and blowing that's been going on, I thought I'l try to list down a few things that make me happy for a change. So here I go. Lets see how I do :)

1. A warm scented bath when you are having the flu
2. Being held tightly and kissed while you sneeze and cough away, him not at all minding the fact that he might catch it too- Makes you feel like a thousand million bucks :)
3. Those elastic phone calls that make you feel wanted and loved :)
4. The cold bath at the end of a looooooooong and tiring day, stretching your legs on an arm chair and sipping away at a hot mug of tea- Bliss! :)
5. That unexpected text message :)
6. Spanish guitar and flamenco music *swoon*
7. Helping an insect turn the right side up when it is struggling
8. Your favorite song playing on the radio when you are having a really crappy day
9. Roses. White and red roses - Just lovely
10. Waking up and realizing that you could stay in bed the whole day if you wanted to ;)
11. Cookie dough! :D
12. Discovering somebody that you haven't met in a very long time on FB
13. Having some random person come up to you and say "I read and love your work"
14. The phrase "I need you"
15. Leaning on the balcony railings on a rainy day, enjoying the cool breeze and letting the rain wash off your face
16. Someone getting a second or third helping of a food that I've made :)
17. Dancing silly to some silly song that you don't even like
18. Meeting somebody that you have admired for a very long time in the flesh :)
19. Sound of the rain
20. The smell and the sound of the sea
21. Strawberries and cream!! - My life has never been the same since I discovered this combination. The ultimate cure for any bad mood \m/
22. Chocolate coated strawberries- think Satan just winked ;)
23. Going out of the way to step on that crunchy looking leaf or to kick that stone along the road
24. Clouds :)
25. Evening walks
26. Celtic music- Nothing short of orgasmic!
27. Sea shells- I'm just fascinated by their various shapes and forms
28. Old places- This should probably come somewhere along the top. They have SUCH  a vibe to them, so much of untold tales within those walls. I'm addicted *sigh*
29. Chunky bangles and jewellery with BIG, semi-precious stones
30. Having a horrible nightmare, waking up to realize that it was just a dream *phew*
31. Suffering a breakup, waking up one morning and realizing that the pain is gone
32. Street fooooooooooooooood! :D
33. White lilies
34. That first bite in to a Mars bar
35. Solitary ramblings on a beach
36. Gigs, live music
37. Lectures ending early *yeeeyy!!* :P
38. Sudden inspiration to write and realizing that you've created something good :)
39. That first glimpse of a loved one after a long time, the anticipation, counting hours <3
40. Butterflies in the tummy
41. Staying up at night and wondering what everyone else is dreaming about
42. Chocolate fudge on a rainy day
43. Food inspirations! Creating a new dish that nobody has ever heard of (or thought of) and finding out that its actually edible :P
44. Puppies! - Again something that should have come at the top
45. Mangoes in yogurt :)
46. Helping random strangers and seeing them look all bewildered :D
47. A complete stranger coming to your rescue out of a sticky situation and turning out that you had helped him/her before and he/she remembered you :)
48. Candlelight and sandalwood incense <3
49. Early morning at the temple. Cool, crisp and extremely peaceful
50. Corsets and Victorian garments- Gotta love those classic dresses and accessories ;)
51. Anything goth- Be it gothic architecture, gothic dresses, goth music, goth make up, gothic art, etc Yeah, I'm pretty dark
52. Haunted (allegedly or for real) mansions, ghost stories, looking at old photographs and wondering what sort of a life those people had
53. Graveyards
53. Colosal Gothic churches, stained glass windows
54. Old statues
55. The Western Classics
56. A kiss on the forehead- Again something that belongs at the top
57. A SUPER TIGHT, never-ending hug by that special person- I get plenty of those ;)
58. Falling asleep in your loved one's arms and waking up next to him realizing that he's all yours- The MOST incredible feeling in the world :)
59. Autumn
60. That fleeting moment of chill when the flight takes off the ground
61. Smell of baking <3
62. Tripping, looking around and realizing that nobody had seen you :D
63. The theater- Always makes my heart pound <3
64. Seeing your parents wipe happy tears because of you
65. Running late, finally arriving at the spot and realizing that you weren't late at all! :D
66. Being early for a lecture- Believe me, its a very rare occasion :P
67. Thinking you are broke and discovering the odd thousand rupee bill in a jeans pocket that you've stowed away for a rainy day
68. An unexpected hug from behind :)
69. Friendly, non-creepy tuk tuk people
70. Upcountry train rides and putting my head out of the window and singing weird songs :D
71. Warm cheese toast on a rainy day
72. A loved one getting protective ;)
73. Holding hands while strolling on the roads
74. Politeness and good manners in men. Sexy as hell
75. Tinsel and Christmas decor! - I know I'm too old to be attracted by shining things, but what the hell! :P
76. Looking at old photos and videos and laughing, remembering the good times *sigh*
77. The smell of new books, new stationary
78. Finding that gorgeous outfit that fits you perfectly and gasping at the price tag coz its damn cheap
79. That long awaited sneeze that was tickling your insides FINALLY escaping the nostrils- Orgasmic, let me tell you
80. That first gulp of icy cold fizzy beverage hitting your throat after being thirsty for so long- Bliss!
81. That occasional realization that the life and happiness of another living, breathing, beating heart is your sole responsibility-  Makes you SO grateful when that happens
82. When my doggy comes and snuggles up me when I'm in a crappy mood
83. That moment when a song, vocals or a guitar riff hits its climax, you get goosebumps and your hair stands on end
84. BIG, hearty laughter
85. Sounds of the TV, people talking and a baby crying coming out from inside a house where all its windows and doors are open
86. Getting wet in the rain and coming home all drenched while people stare at you amazed
87. Electricity going out on a rainy night and sitting there listening to the silence and rain drops falling
88. Getting a brand new electronic equipment and learning to work it all by yourself - Trust me, its a big achievement for someone who's as dumb as me in the tech savy department :D
89. Magic, fantasy and mythical creatures- Be it centaurs, dragons, unicorns, elves, vampires, griffins, krakens, hydras, etc, they get the juices flowing. Again something that belongs at the top. 
90. Loooong flowing dresses <3
91. That hair raising moment when you are watching a movie and you are sure that the hero is going to lose but his armies arrive at the last moment and they have this epic victory!
92. Somebody you thought you didn't like much turning out to be a pretty awesome person and it turns out that you have quite a lot in common <3
93. Wuthering Heights and Heathcliff- I've always wanted a Heathcliff *sob sob*
94. Getting complimented on my looks on a day when I thought myself pretty disgusting looking- Yes, I'm vain like that :P
95. Pancakes!- Although my pancake cravings depend on my moods, I find that my mom's pani pol pancakes are for all seasons
96. Playing the violin- Haven't done that in a long time  but, its something that makes me happy :)
97. Wind in the hair when you are on horse back- Such freedom, such speed <3
98. That feeling of absolute freedom after finishing off an assignment- Heaven! 
99. Seeing so many hits on your blog's stats ;)
100. Feeling loved, wanted and cared for :)

There you go, my list of 100 things. I'm pretty sure I've missed out on another 200 something things that make me happy so I will keep updating. For now, this is it. Good night everyone. Have a great night :)

Fried rice just got fried

So, the Lady is quite grouchy again today. Apparently, the head chef of our favorite local Chinese restaurant (that we order takeouts from quite frequently) had decided to take a day off and we the unsuspecting, just happened to make the mistake of ordering from it today itself. Resulting in, of course, that heart-sinking feeling of near fatal disappointment which kills in you all the fondness that you had towards that particular dish or that particular restaurant. Its like hearing one of your favorite songs day in and day out on your iPod and then going to a concert and hearing it being majorly effed up by the band. Sigh............

This particular restaurant is something that we had grown to love over the years. Its super customer-friendly, express service, the food is yummy and affordable and most importantly, the food has acquired that wonderful homey sort of feeling that comes only with years and years of familiarity. And you never really get bored with the food and best of all, it has never reduced its quality. What with the fluctuating economy of the country these days and the restaurants reducing the portion sizes, getting more and more stingy with the amount of proteins, vegetables, etc that they use in the dishes and placing ridiculous prices on the menu cards and all, this particular restaurant has stayed true to its customers throughout all these years. Which still attracts the same customer base which it attracted five years ago and the number just keeps on increasing. Being true to your customer and loving what you do has its advantages you see.

With all these plus points to its credit I know I shouldn't be grouching about just one disappointing meal but this post is has the noble intention of merely making the point that the customer knows when the chef had changed. Because we knew at the very unearthing of the parcels that it was not the same. The usual rice that we get from it is cooked to perfection and gleams up at you like little tiny pearls once you open them up but today, the rice looked grainy and crushed at the very outset of it. It was, indeed very grainy and scandalously under cooked. Plus it had these large (and I mean LARGE) lumps of limp, watery rice stuck together in clots which just drove away your appetite at just one bite. One thing I really used to love about this particular fried rice is their amazing textures. The rice was nice and not too wet, gluggy OR greasy, the vegetables fresh and crunchy while the pork has been incorporated in the rice in a rather clever way. They just used the fatty part of the pork so that when you chew on a mouthful of rice, these juicy, succulent particles of fat just explode in your mouth giving you this plethora of flavors and lubrication that is essential in getting the comparatively dry rice down your system. But today, the meat particles had been burnt to cinders and you can practically feel them falling apart in your mouth like little blocks of charred carbon. They had used the same sort of ingredients today alright, but only thing, the earlier juicy, succulent and flavorsome pieces of fatty pork had been so overcooked that they had become all rubbery and inedible. It honestly felt like chewing pieces of tasteless, insipid leather. Such a waste.

Not to mention the chicken bones and the overdose of ajinomoto. You just cringe as you bite in to huge balls of this particular flavor enhancer (?)  in the clumped up rice and you can very well see the hair on your arms and legs stand on their ends. Woe be gone to whoever discovered this horrendous creation called ajinomoto which most people in a food industry laden with careless, lazy cooks seem to think is the best thing that happened to them since microwave pizza. To say nothing of the profusion of chicken bones which almost performed dental surgery on my gums. I still shiver at the thought of it.

 I know that I am a rather harsh food critic, (I've often been told that) but its just that I hate to see such beautiful ingredients being misused, abused and ill treated and it just breaks my heart. Like I mentioned in one of my earlier posts, food need to be treated with love and only then will they treat you back with love (refer to Newton's 2nd law on motion : For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. Newton had, after all, said quite a few things which makes sense) which is true to love, care, food and everything else I suppose. Except karma and Wicca where the reaction comes boomeranging back to you threefold, but that's another post for another day.

Just went downstairs to make myself a cup of coffee but was quite disappointed to find the instant coffee all glued up together in one big mush in the bottle. Its really annoying when that happens and you can't really keep em powdery for too long once you open it. I've heard that instant coffee is not "real" coffee but its sure as hell easy to make. Its what they serve on planes, although it takes two or more packets of cream and sugar just to make it even slightly drinkable. I just hate it when they serve coffee on long flights. Keeps you up during the whole flight when you might as well have a sound sleep to avoid feeling jet lagged for a whole day after you've had landed. Nothing beats the good ol local Harischandra coffee I tell you. That's the real deal.

Getting back to the restaurant disappointment story, we later on found out that since there was nobody to cook in the kitchen that day, it was the cashier himself that had gone in to the kitchen and whipped up the dishes. All the more reason that one should stick to one's designated profession eh? Anyways, I just wish they had warned us, what with us being loyal customers for as long as we and them can remember and all. Well, one spoilt dish cannot spoil years and years of great dishes which earned them our unflinching loyalty. Its once again like your favorite band not living up to your expectations during one particular performance. You stay loyal nevertheless. Or the little mistakes that a loved one makes or that one little mosquito bite on an otherwise terrific night out. We humans (at least some of us) have incredible self healing powers. Or is it just our faith and sense of loyalty that lends it to us? Either way, you just learn to forgive and forget and move on with your faith like you always do. And that is how it should always be. You move on :)

Vampire abuse!

Ok, so this is another post about vampires *runs and hides* I know, I know, y'll had heard enough of them already, but I'm just truly infuriated at the amount of abuse that these glorious, mysterious creatures of the night are going through! First these untamed, dark, brooding, silent creatures were almost domesticated by the Twilight series ( diamonds are a vampire's breast friend? Hik hik ) and now there is this scandalous amount of cheesy vampirey stuff oozing all over the place on TV, radio, unsuccessful vampire novels, laundry baskets, underwear drawers, etc. Vampire diaries, True blood, Blood ties (I actually liked the program) the whole blooming Twilight series just to name a few has reduced these beautiful, deathly pale and bloodlessly glorious vampires in to a breed of mere blood sucking mosquitoes. Sigh.......... Tragedy!!

So what exactly is the reason for this sudden passionate (repeated) outburst today? I just happened to watch an episode of The Vampire Diaries, accidently mind you, while I was having my dinner. In my defense, when there is Simi Garawal on India's most wanted (the next worse thing since Koffee with Karan) on one channel and a wedding program on the other (I won't be caught dead watching one of those), what choice has a helpless girl trying to stuff some food down her throat without choking on it has? So anyway, it seemed to me that (according to the program anyway) there is a friendly neighborhood vampire or two around the corner for you to get bitten by and perhaps if you are lucky, to get turned in to a vampire! Or get yourself in to a complicated romantic mortal-immortal, I-wanna-drink-your-blood-but-I'm-too-much-of-a-wimp sort of entanglement, the choice is yours really.

And apparently, they use guns with wooden bullets to kill vampires these days. I was particularly stricken with that element which sort of vandalized the whole vampire culture. I mean, whatever happened to the good ol wooden stick through the heart and you die sprouting blood all over the place procedure? Sigh......So much has changed. Vampires even rip each other apart nowadays. Such a waste of glorious flesh. It was so much more fun when you go hunting for vampire coffins, open em and jam the wooden stakes through the heart and watch em die with this eerie smile spread out over their fanged, bloody yet sexy as hell faces. Much more enticing sort of a picture noh? Oh the crowds have grown so lazy that they always want to take the easy way out these days. Sigh.......

Guess I've always had a V spot for these majestic creatures of the night and I always will. Reading Bram Stoker's Dracula in grade 3 changed my life and my preference in men forever I suppose. Since then, I had been hooked. While all the other girls my age fantasized about clean shaven, neatly dressed, blond haired, blue-eyed knights in shining armor sweeping them off their feet, it had always been the darkly-clad (complete with the cape and all) and dangerous, silent, mysterious and brooding hero ( Grrrr...makes scratching gestures with hands on air) snatching me up on his bat claws and whisking me away to his bat-infested lair of open coffins and human skeletons. (Yes well, I've had my fair share of weird fantasies) Vampires were rare, delicate and unique creatures back then and I would have gladly walked up to a vampire (if I was ever lucky to find one) and offered my neck for his dinner back then. I've always wanted to date a vampire. But now, even having one as a friend would be sooooo yesterday. Sigh..............

One other thing that the Twilight series tried to do (but miserably failed) is to caricaturize the age-old phenomena of werewolves and get the teenyboppers drooling all over them. The long haired, shirtless dudes with tattoos who dripped testosterone as they ran like gazelles through the woods were sexy enough but I guess the idea of a man sprouting hair all over him at the rise of the moon isn't all that appealing. Guess nobody wants to wake up the next morning coughing up fur balls if you know what I mean.

Just logged in to FB to see a fellow colleague of mine freaking out about her thesis which got ME all freaked out. Yeah, we absolutely LOVE doing that on FB, its more fun to freak out collectively than to freak out by yourself any day. Plus, it inspires us lazy bums to move our fat bottoms and get some work done through fear, like right now. So off I go. Good night everyone! Hope you have dreams of REAL vampires, not the lame ass plastic ones that you see walking down the aisles of your local supermarket, stacking tins and cans on shelves these days :)

Rainy day blues

Rainy day. The kind of day that you could sleep in for ages and not care about anything or anyone. Isn't it a glorious feeling to be able to curl up, foetal position and just let the mind take that much needed hike in the slumberlands, of course, not undisturbed by guilt at the reminiscence of all that work that awaits me, fangs and claws outstretched on the desk. Its just that on days like this, its easier to just smirk and wave away all those voices that nag you incessantly about work and if necessary, to deliver a much deserved punch on the face, break a tooth or two if they insist on not fastening their gaping traps.

Rainy day and solitude. Two beautiful things that a girl can never tire of.

Except right now, my usual solitary happy hour with my huge ass mug of warm tea in front of the TV just as I get up in the morning is being shamelessly usurped these days. And the culprit is Mother Dearest. Yes, to my woe and misery, she is on leave these days and she just finds it very convenient for her to flop down on a camel stool beside me and jabber the morning away just when I had comfortably snuggled up on the couch with my morning tea, my lazy pyjama-clad self and my daily dose of Merlin repeat telecast of yesterday. Its just that I do not appreciate being bugged early (ok, so not so early) in the morning. This time of the day is important to me because that's when my brain cells are nudged awake, one by tiny one. My tea, my Merlin are mine and mine alone. I do not want to share them. With ANYONE!! I desperately need those two things in order to brace myself before going out to face this big, bad, ugly world! Too dramatic of a statement? Yes, I thought so too.

By the way, Prince Arthur has the cutest of all cutest smiles don't you think? He has the most adoooorable disfigured set of teeth that I have ever seen! *swoon* Yes, yes I know, I have a thing for imperfect things. Sigh....I'm just made that way. Perfection bores me. Really.

Been feeling rather disconnected lately. Its like the whole world is shrinking away from me. Everything and everyone is so distant, so far away that sometimes, nothing seems real. Ever felt like you stretch out your hand  in search of some warmth only to be brushed by this icy cold gust of wind? Ever felt that there is no body to take you by the hand when you are lost in the middle of a snow storm, offer you their coat to keep you safe and warm, hustle you off to a warm and glowing house where you will be offered a homemade steaming hot, comforting broth? That's exactly how the feeling has been lately. I've been craving for that warm coat, warm hand and the steaming broth quite badly. Yes, yes, even I, the notorious antisocial loner need some warmth and sunshine once in a while. But at the outset, everything's just fine. Guess its just a state of mind. While everything shrinks and withdraws from my grasp these days, I just can't wait to get back in to the real world. I just can't wait to finish this God-awful degree and inject some "life" in to my life, so to speak. Right now, everything is stagnant and I'm dream-walking through life. Damn this rotten degree! It has done its best to ladle out quite generous servings of depression to us poor folk over the years.

Not in the mood to be a smart ass today. I'm just going to give in to the general mood and sink in to depression now. Yet, there is something so comforting and soothing in the sound of the raindrops falling. Think I'l just sulk away to that rhythm *sob sob*

Life really feels like it doesn't have ANY bloody meaning sometimes. Sometimes you just can't find any reason to live. Other than to fulfill other people's expectations of course. But why the dickens should we even bother? Just like that very wise, very loud Bon Jovi once screamed out, ITS MY bloody LIIIIIIIFE!!!!!!!    

Oh....Mother Dearest is making fish buns today. Guess she contracted the cooking virus from me. Home made fish buns! I knowwwwwwwwwwww!! At last, SOMETHING to look forward to! Yeeeyy!! :D

In search of happiness and other ramblings

What is happiness? The feeling that you get when all your needs and wants fulfilled is it? For most of us yes, that is pretty much what happiness means. But over the course of time, it has occurred to me that the above mentioned kind of happiness is only just short lived. The real secret of being happy is finding inner peace, in being the best that one can be, that warm glow that you get in making your life useful to someone else. But inner peace, is it really all that durable in a life that is constantly in the process of letting you down so horribly? One will never know.

My life is by no means perfect. It just has its perfect moments that makes me realize that life is indeed worth living a thousand times and more. There are moments too that I question the value of life, if all this pain, the suffering, the effort that we take just to barely survive is worth it. And each time I think things over and come to a conclusion whether life is indeed worth living or not, it just turns around and proves me wrong, every bloody time.

And I ask myself, when will I ever get a proper answer to my question? Every time a disappointment occurs and I am resolved to let things go and let life follow its course, something good happens and make me want to try harder at it, be the best that I can be, knowing that I am accepted, understood and loved. And when I'm convinced that life is one big carnival and I'm ready to really try my best, it turns around and proves to me that nothing is really worth it and all that it will ever do is hurt me anyway, slowly leading me down towards my emotional and physical doom. When does this god-damned vicious circle end? Will we ever get the answers that we seek? Is there no knowing where this bloody vacillation meter of misery and joy will stop at? Life would be a lot easier if we knew whether our lives are going to be happy or miserable before hand.

I know I do not have grouching rights to life, I know that worse things happen to people and all some people encounter in their lives are hardships and nothing more. But I suppose in a way that is better. Because you get used to all the shit that you keep trodding on and you learn to toughen up. You learn to never let your guards down and you learn never to let anyone or anything in under your skin because you know for certain that they will only crush you to a pulp in the end. You never get hurt or disappointed because there are no nasty surprises waiting for you in the end because you are prepared for the worse anyway. And if you are really convinced that life doesn't deserve the likes of you to grace its puny existence, there's always the choice of leaving it, although some consider it a cowardly act.

As macabre and depressing as it sounds, I've always thought of death as an almost euphoric occurrence. It has always been for me the ultimate means of liberating oneself, the ultimate synonym for freedom and new beginnings and I've often wondered how it would feel like to feel nothing, to know nothing and to fade away in to nothingness. Must be really something to experience after a whole life time of feeling way too much than you ever wanted or intended to, of suffering as much mentally and physically, a life time of expectations and disappointments, trying to please others and suffering through a life time of hate and misunderstanding at the slightest mistake. I've never been afraid of death. Its a wonderful ending to a life time of pain, shocks and starters, excitement, those moments of relief that you call as 'happiness' when suffering ceases to be. Happiness is when you get all excited about an illusion that you trick yourself in to forgetting the suffering that still exists in the world. It ends when this beautiful illusion ceases to be and the truth hits you with full force in your face.

Whereas settling in to happiness and being vulnerable does not work at all if it all ends in misery. You let your guards down, shed all your priced turtle shells and just lie there as if telling the world to come prick pins in your exposed body, to make you bleed and suffer, having no cover nor any sort of layer to protect you. Being overtly sensitive is two fold, I did not ask for it, it was given to me, by force. While it is an incredible blessing, it is also an inescapable curse. But in order to gain something you have to lose something I've heard. But I never imagined that I would have to barter my soul for a sensitivity that can either make or break me in the end.

But one should not be afraid to dream. Because there is living proof that they do come true if you dream hard enough. I just wish that one could dream of complete and utter happiness that could never be tarnished by a mortal or immortal hand, so that it could come true, if not in this life, perhaps in another life. Dreaming gives us that happy feeling that we so crave for even if it is just for a little while. But really, is it really worthwhile to waste our precious dreams over this illusion of a happiness that takes flight at the slightest chance it gets? Is it really worth our time, our precious emotions and feelings if something is just waiting for a chance, an excuse, a bout of self-pity perhaps to make us feel bad, flee and seek someone else's comfort and company? Happiness is fickle. Yet dreams are faithful. Happiness promises you the world, the moon, the stars and the entire universe but you know deep down, and it has been proven to you so many times too, that all those situations, conditions and promises are subject to change. Whereas dreams, you know they are not real. They promise you nothing, is honest and tells you that they are changeable and yet, it turns out, they give you more than you ever expected out of them. And dreams keeps you happy while you are dreaming. But, MY dreams have this wonderful way of coming true for me somehow. That is why I consider myself blessed. And I am hoping that my luck will last, not abandon me in the lurch like that fickle happiness takes pleasure in doing so most of the time. Yet, I am blessed. And I take pleasure in that. Not most people are as lucky as I am. And I am grateful, for everything in my life :)