Just one of those days I guess. Things upset me very easily me thinks and I wish that it ain't so sometimes. But they say you've got to feel to be human and yet, being human sucks sometimes.
Not really sure what I'm doing, although there is a hell of a lot that needs to be done. One moment you can be so up high and the next, your are crawling on the ground, clutching at dear life. Words have a way of becoming splinters of glass sometimes.
Ever felt the weight of the world on your shoulders? Its like the sadness of the world is plotting on drowning me sometimes. The sadness of the dog, tied up next door, a whole day without food, the sadness of my parents aging, the sicknesses, the pain, the sadness of the boy at the supermarket counter who stacks bags and smiles innocently, the sadness of the pale girl with a shaved head on the bus smiling at me in between her pills that her mother forces down her throat , the sadness of the puppy who I HAD to watch dying because of the stupid, money-minded Vet who refused to treat him, the sadness of the girl at the KFC counter, watching a family, wondering what life is like for them, wondering about a life that she never had and never will have, sadness of past hurts, moments when I could have been more attentive but I wasn't, times that I could have been nicer to people but I wasn't all coming back in one big, black, cold mollycoddle and engulfing me, quite uninvited. Why is there so much sadness in the world? And more importantly, why does it all come back to haunt ME of all people?
I am not Mother Theresa, I'm not noble enough to dedicate my life for the betterment of the human or the animal kind, I'm way too selfish for that. I am not Virgin Mary either, I make horrible mistakes and regret them later on. But I do feel. I do feel the sadness, the suffering and I do wish that I don't feel them sometimes. Because nobody seems to understand. Nobody understands the intensity of these emotions and the helpless feeling that comes along with it. Nobody really cares enough to understand.
I'm being weird, according to most social conventions and I'd probably be gaslighted as being ''crazy'' or "dramatic" too. And NO, I'm not PMS'ing either. I feel lost. And vulnerable too sometimes. And I don't like to admit it either most of the time. Am I being arrogant, too proud and snobby in not admitting the vulnerability, the helplessness, the loss? Probably, yes. Because maybe I know no other way.
4 comments:
i know how you feel. been feeling like that for years. but at least we care enough to feel right? that prolly counts for something.
best get rid of that feeling now, just saying. embrace the golden rule ,ignorance is bliss, else you'll end up like me :(
Go smoke some with Franky Poops-alot and forget the sadness. we are after all young & wild & free ;-)
\x/
Yes, that is true. One cannot revel in sadness forever. And Franky boy does do wonders. He's the bundle of joy that gets me up and going during times like this :)
mm ur really sweet to feel for these things. but i guess sadness is the way of the world. in a way, we can be happy that the kfc girl has a job and the training to help her get another soon...and maybe the little girl is lucky to have a mom and the right pills to make her feel better. im just thinking that it could be worse? and about the pup..u cud always join groups like adopt a dog, do something to change the lives of some amazing animals...and feel good about it too? :) big hug
Yes, you're right. Deciding whether the glass is half full or half empty is one's own choice of looking at things, isn't it? I agree with you in doing all within my grasp. But you know, it feels as if the things that I could do at my own level are not enough sometimes.And big hug right back. Needed that badly :)
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