Sunny climes are back again! Sweat trickling down the back, crazy frizzy hair and burning, scorching sun, oh how I've missed these!
Christmas came and went but the celebrations still continue. It is the season of burnt, cut and blistered fingers, aching joints and painfully broken nails but radiant smiles on faces. With the habitual Christmas dinner on the 25th at my place and the multitude of parties that precede and follow, the atmosphere itself is still charged with a certain restlessness, reminiscent of so many happy childhood memories. One day, I want to create such wonderful memories for my children, for them to feel the beauty that surrounds, to teach them to share what they have, just as my parents had done for me. I feel grateful, for being able to feel how I feel, to be able to conjure up beauty in the ugliest of situations and I hope one day, that I will succeed as a parent, to do the same for my own offspring.
I want to raise my children on tasteful music, hardcore literature and stark reality, none of that High School Musical crap for them. I want my children to know how to love and to live their lives in a way that makes sense. I want them to know the difference between the good and the bad. I want to teach them how to feel, how to reach out and help and most importantly, how to empathise. I want to create in them all that is grossly lacking in this world right now.
I have so many plans and expectations of my unborn kids that I almost feel sorry for them.
It's been a great year, one of my favourite years so far. It was a year of new beginnings, revelations, eye openers and disillusionment. I believe I emerged out of it all, a little bit wisened than I was before. I took some of the most important decisions I've taken in my life during the last few months and many more await in the horizon. Breaking away from what weighed me down professionally as well as personally has been a liberating experience that words cannot even begin to explain. I've always been fond of letting go. I am addicted to that sense of complete freedom and euphoria that follows, that infinite world of possibilities that open up immediately afterwards. I'm a letting go junkie.
The plan was to do one thing but when fate intervenes, one has to obey. But in order to do so, one has to look for the signs. Travel plans had to be cancelled, but hell, Europe can wait, South Africa and Indonesia can wait, universe had grander plans for me that simply could not wait. Today I am happy that I seized the moment when it barged right into me, yelling right at my face to grab it and grab it tight. Rather, the opportunity seized me and shook me till I came to my senses. And I am happy that I, like the obedient girl that I am (ahem) indulged. As a result, I am doing what I love today, spending more time with people and animals that I care about like I've always wanted to. This is proof that fate has never let me down, not even once.
But then, there are some decisions that fate dictates which depend on outside factors. For those, having done all that I can, it is up to the concerning parties to interpret the universe's hints and take relevant action. I am glad that I've achieved the maturity to understand that and simply, wait. I've also learnt to move on, having given such things a fair enough amount of time. After all, life only gives chances and grabbing or not grabbing them is entirely a matter of choice. And one cannot simply, wait forever.
I follow my heart wherever it would go. That is excepting cases which involve people that I care about who in turn care about me. There had been instances where I've doubted my decisions and regretted that the circumstances had not been so, and my heart had wept for the decisions I could not make. But the reward for the sacrifices I've made compromising my own happiness had truly been worth it. Today, I regret nothing as I rejoice in the happiness of those I care about. However, I waste no time on those who do not care about me. All the more love to go around for those who give a damn!
Whatever said and done, I've also learnt that it is not wise to place your happiness in the hands of others, whatever bonds that may prevail, whatever promises that may have been made. The past has taught me abundantly to prepare to be hurt, but give all of myself, do all that I can but with a certain sense of detachment which does not allow me to expect anything in return. Others will not be as careful of your feelings as you yourself will be, however close they may be, however you may have given yourself to them. It's not something they can help, humans are not made to read other people's thoughts and to know what hurts them and what does not. One must understand that and empathize. As Lord Buddha himself had preached, in the end all that matters is how much you loved, how gently you've lived and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. And I try. It is not easy, mind. Whatever said and done, you do tend to expect just that little bit of extra love and care in return. After all, you are only very much human. But I believe I can get there, step by tiny step.
2015 is a year of promise. It is a year of new beginnings and the continuation of old ones, all very positive. One goal is to finish the novel by the end of 2015, how this is to be done, I still have not figured. I am aware that while making a living for myself is important, it is also important to create something for myself, something that belongs only to me and no one else. That is how I balance this universal predicament of having to work towards someone else's dream. I make the time to work on my own. The ego is appeased that way, dignity is intact.
I want to read all the books in the world, all at the same time! Sometimes, I want to just shut myself in a room and just read and write. Is there something wrong with me? I do wonder sometimes.
I do not make resolutions for the new year. Because for me, every day is a chance to start anew. One needs not wait 365 days to turn their lives around. So no resolutions for 2015 as well. Instead I shall ride with my heart, just as I've always done.
Not even funny how fast the time flew by! 2014 ends in a few hours and 2015 dawns. And here comes the throttling hugs, the snotty kisses and awkward boob rubs from perfect strangers that seems to be something that you simply cannot avoid no matter what year it is. I shall stick to my guns as usual this year as well. Hugs are for those who mean something to me, people I care about. Others will have to make do with a handshake.
Christmas came and went but the celebrations still continue. It is the season of burnt, cut and blistered fingers, aching joints and painfully broken nails but radiant smiles on faces. With the habitual Christmas dinner on the 25th at my place and the multitude of parties that precede and follow, the atmosphere itself is still charged with a certain restlessness, reminiscent of so many happy childhood memories. One day, I want to create such wonderful memories for my children, for them to feel the beauty that surrounds, to teach them to share what they have, just as my parents had done for me. I feel grateful, for being able to feel how I feel, to be able to conjure up beauty in the ugliest of situations and I hope one day, that I will succeed as a parent, to do the same for my own offspring.
I want to raise my children on tasteful music, hardcore literature and stark reality, none of that High School Musical crap for them. I want my children to know how to love and to live their lives in a way that makes sense. I want them to know the difference between the good and the bad. I want to teach them how to feel, how to reach out and help and most importantly, how to empathise. I want to create in them all that is grossly lacking in this world right now.
I have so many plans and expectations of my unborn kids that I almost feel sorry for them.
It's been a great year, one of my favourite years so far. It was a year of new beginnings, revelations, eye openers and disillusionment. I believe I emerged out of it all, a little bit wisened than I was before. I took some of the most important decisions I've taken in my life during the last few months and many more await in the horizon. Breaking away from what weighed me down professionally as well as personally has been a liberating experience that words cannot even begin to explain. I've always been fond of letting go. I am addicted to that sense of complete freedom and euphoria that follows, that infinite world of possibilities that open up immediately afterwards. I'm a letting go junkie.
The plan was to do one thing but when fate intervenes, one has to obey. But in order to do so, one has to look for the signs. Travel plans had to be cancelled, but hell, Europe can wait, South Africa and Indonesia can wait, universe had grander plans for me that simply could not wait. Today I am happy that I seized the moment when it barged right into me, yelling right at my face to grab it and grab it tight. Rather, the opportunity seized me and shook me till I came to my senses. And I am happy that I, like the obedient girl that I am (ahem) indulged. As a result, I am doing what I love today, spending more time with people and animals that I care about like I've always wanted to. This is proof that fate has never let me down, not even once.
But then, there are some decisions that fate dictates which depend on outside factors. For those, having done all that I can, it is up to the concerning parties to interpret the universe's hints and take relevant action. I am glad that I've achieved the maturity to understand that and simply, wait. I've also learnt to move on, having given such things a fair enough amount of time. After all, life only gives chances and grabbing or not grabbing them is entirely a matter of choice. And one cannot simply, wait forever.
I follow my heart wherever it would go. That is excepting cases which involve people that I care about who in turn care about me. There had been instances where I've doubted my decisions and regretted that the circumstances had not been so, and my heart had wept for the decisions I could not make. But the reward for the sacrifices I've made compromising my own happiness had truly been worth it. Today, I regret nothing as I rejoice in the happiness of those I care about. However, I waste no time on those who do not care about me. All the more love to go around for those who give a damn!
Whatever said and done, I've also learnt that it is not wise to place your happiness in the hands of others, whatever bonds that may prevail, whatever promises that may have been made. The past has taught me abundantly to prepare to be hurt, but give all of myself, do all that I can but with a certain sense of detachment which does not allow me to expect anything in return. Others will not be as careful of your feelings as you yourself will be, however close they may be, however you may have given yourself to them. It's not something they can help, humans are not made to read other people's thoughts and to know what hurts them and what does not. One must understand that and empathize. As Lord Buddha himself had preached, in the end all that matters is how much you loved, how gently you've lived and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. And I try. It is not easy, mind. Whatever said and done, you do tend to expect just that little bit of extra love and care in return. After all, you are only very much human. But I believe I can get there, step by tiny step.
2015 is a year of promise. It is a year of new beginnings and the continuation of old ones, all very positive. One goal is to finish the novel by the end of 2015, how this is to be done, I still have not figured. I am aware that while making a living for myself is important, it is also important to create something for myself, something that belongs only to me and no one else. That is how I balance this universal predicament of having to work towards someone else's dream. I make the time to work on my own. The ego is appeased that way, dignity is intact.
I want to read all the books in the world, all at the same time! Sometimes, I want to just shut myself in a room and just read and write. Is there something wrong with me? I do wonder sometimes.
I do not make resolutions for the new year. Because for me, every day is a chance to start anew. One needs not wait 365 days to turn their lives around. So no resolutions for 2015 as well. Instead I shall ride with my heart, just as I've always done.
Not even funny how fast the time flew by! 2014 ends in a few hours and 2015 dawns. And here comes the throttling hugs, the snotty kisses and awkward boob rubs from perfect strangers that seems to be something that you simply cannot avoid no matter what year it is. I shall stick to my guns as usual this year as well. Hugs are for those who mean something to me, people I care about. Others will have to make do with a handshake.
2 comments:
"letting go junkie" - love that term :D letting go seems to be the only sure thing that works!
Happy New Year!
Letting go is the best drug that one could be addicted to ;)
A very happy new year to you too! May you have the happiest year ahead yet :)
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