Females are not your lunch time joke - dealing with sexism

Something that has always struck me and has begun striking me even more as of late – a woman may never be seen completely as a human being, an intellectual creature with the vices and virtues that exist in every human being. It would take an extraordinary human being, the kind that I haven't met yet to acknowledge a female in this manner.

Being a woman makes you invisible. Being attractive makes you invisible. Because it is only your body they will see, who you truly are will always remain unseen.

The unfairness of it just kills me – the incredibility that something so atrocious can happen in polite society simply astounds me. I feel insulted. I feel disrespected every f****** day of my life. Not just by men but by women as well. But this is something that we as women go through in our lives so much so that we have gotten de-sentized to it, that we just brush it off, laugh it off as if it is merely the dust of everyday life. We are displayed as objects before we are even acknowledged as human beings, we are sexualized at such a tender age when our minds are still innocent.

I admit, females are attractive creatures. As a woman, I myself think that the female physique is much more alluring than the male physique. It is more aesthetic, it is mysterious in its functions and levels of pleasure and lovely in all its curves and contours and it is okay to admire it. It truly is a functional work of miraculous art. But it is not okay to sabotage that beauty. It is not okay to penalize the female for their naturally bestowed artistry.  

I am not a feminist. I don’t think I have ever been one. I like looking good and indulge in shaving, waxing, plucking my eyebrows and whatever that is frowned upon by the “Feminists” of our generation, I want to have a family – to create life within myself regardless of those “why should the woman sacrifice her body shape to carry a man’s child” arguments, I admire gentleness and good manners in both men and women alike, I adore cooking and I have my food blog to prove that and I love my bras because I know that sudden movements fucking hurt without one. I have always believed that men and women each have their strong points – men are better at certain things that women aren’t and women are better at certain things that men aren’t. There is no contest, there shouldn’t be. There is a reason why we are made that way and I respect, acknowledge and embrace those differences. Nobody can contest with nature – no matter how hip, modern and revolutionary you are.

People often mistake politeness and courteousness as signs of weakness. This is the biggest mistake that one can make.

I think this is a conflict, a sort of a dilemma that any woman with a sense of self-worth and self-awareness goes through. True that most of the time we just numb ourselves to the sexism around us and smile through gritted teeth simply not to create a scene – at work, in the streets, even among your closest circles and we don’t even realize that we are doing that. It has become a mechanism. Most women go through their lives having fully converted to this twisted religion of submissiveness and self-debasing – a sort of a fetish that the majority of Sri Lankan men and women seem to revel in. We as girls are taught from a young age by our own mothers no less, that our brothers by virtue of having been born male are the more important family members. In such a context when even women deny each other their rightful status as equals, how can one even speak of equality and fairness?

And then there are the lot of us who do know our worth, who have been trained from a young age to make our own space in the world and are proud of our achievements. Nobody handed us anything on silver platters and as a result we have every right to stand our ground and not take any shit from anyone. But does it matter? Does any of it matter at all if all you get is disrespect and sexism from the society in return? I do wonder sometimes.   

What makes men overlook your stature, your status as a human being, as a person and simply stare at your chest or beneath the hemline as if no other part of you exists? What makes them make crude comments and rude jokes about the females that they encounter in life? “Can’t you take a joke?” they ask and tell you to take it easy. I really don’t see what’s so funny when they comment on how your dress makes them feel or what they have to say about your body. I don’t know how easy they would take it if a woman happens to point out that the sleazy smile on their faces makes them look like warthog bottoms.

What gives them the right? It is as if ‘women’ jokes are the coolest jokes in town. It is as if female colleagues in a workplace are simply pornography that they can masturbate to in their heads. What gives them so much power? Is it the advantage of physical strength that makes them so flippant about their masculinity? But living in a world where most menfolk simply sit in front of a television all day forcing fast food down their throats, I must say that women will be able to trump this in no time at all as well if they cared to stay in shape.

It is even worse when you find out that the people who you regarded as intelligent, sensitive and frankly ‘above that’ have stooped to doing the same. Makes you lose faith in humanity altogether.  

The point I am trying to make is this. All your education, all your intelligence and capabilities are eclipsed by the fact that you are a woman. And God forbid if you are an attractive one! People will create the illusion of giving you respect just to be in your good graces, but catch them when they are a little drunk or out of their best judgment and you will catch a glance of the ugly, desperate animal within – an insult to humanity as it were.

These are the problems that escalate, that get ugly and end up hurting people. One only takes notice of these things when someone is raped, or worse yet – raped AND murdered. They will say ‘oh poor thing’, probably put up some sympathetic FB post, rally around the town square demanding justice and after a few weeks, everyone will forget. But who will rally for the everyday sexism, who will speak for the belittling, disrespect and the insults of everyday life? If someone has to get raped or murdered for an issue to get some attention, then there is something so clearly wrong in this twisted murk of a society that we live in.  

As a woman, I refuse to take shit, I never have – not from anyone. I refuse to take part in this twisted little mind f*** that is this society. I thrive on being a woman, I think it’s a fabulous thing to be. And I hope anyone reading this, man or woman would think twice about disrespecting anyone around them – whether it be at home, at work or on the streets. Females are not there for entertainment purposes. They are not your lunch time jokes. My greatest wish is to see us treated if not as equals, as persons with brain, heart and soul. Females are not that crude anecdote you related that made everyone in your office laugh, or components of your dick humor which makes you ‘the dude’ amongst your colleagues. Females are not your blow up dolls, not physically and neither in your mind. It is not 'fun' or 'rad' to make fun of women. It just proves one to be an ignorant and bitter failure of a being, the 'human' part being somewhat doubtful. Your attitude is the big, bright beacon of your personality, the one that tells the world 'here's who I am!'. Would you like to be naked in the public with all your ugliness exposed, you must decide.