Tuesday, May 31, 2016

Writing theses & making enemies

CHOCOLATE!! I NEED CHO CO LATE!!! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!

Such is my eternal mood these days.

I lay brooding in my thesis induced state in a nest of chocolate wrappers, surrounded by crumbs of Twix, KitKat and Ritzbury Chocolate fingers (I kid you not, that stuff is GOOD!), starring spaced out at a computer screen, so much so that the screen is imprinted on my cornea. I feel slightly hungover although not a drop of alcohol has passed my lips since, oh the wedding. Note to self - after this grand nuisance of a thesis is done, I swear I will open a bottle of 1989 Cabernet Sauvignon all by myself (well maybe with a little help from the hubby boy. Remember that time when I popped a bottle of Champagne and the cork ended up landing on my head? Ya. So no) and finish it all by myself! (Maybe hubby boy can have a sip since he helped open the bottle and all).

When all this is over I am also taking a looooong, shamefully indulgent spa treatment. I will combine two spa treatments if I have to because well, my aching body, limbs and mind demands it! And then I'm going to go shopping. And I mean SHOPPING. Like real hardcore, drop-dead, can't carry anymore, there's literally a hole in my wallet kind of shopping. And it's going to be totally awesome.

Which has also got me thinking, what do I really do with all this time once this wretched thing is over! Hmmm...now that's a thought.

On other news, I think I have an enemy! This is exciting news in my otherwise greatly drab life!

I don't know when or where I started noticing it. There I was being my usual spaced-out self getting into the staff transport after a long and tiring day at work and flopping down on my favourite seat minding my own business/reading/listening to music and etc and suddenly I notice this little waif of a woman, looking more like a fruit fly than a woman (I swear I could almost see the antennas on her head) with large spectacles covering almost her entire face, actively giving me these God-Awful withering looks that would have wilted a coconut tree as she passed my seat every day. I noticed this once or twice and while fleetingly wondered what that was all about, forgot all about it afterwards. That was until she pushed me. And butted me with her oversized handbag. And stamped my feet. And purposefully sat next to me and while still giving me the evil eye, started pushing me to the corner complaining how she doesn't have enough space.

And this is not accidental pushing or shoving mind you. It would have been all negligible and I would have quickly dismissed it with an indifferent wave of hand if it hadn't been for the "I will eat your first born and pick my teeth with its bones" kind of look on her bug face every time each of these things happened *shudders*  

Now this is the staff transport route that I take since I partially moved to Yakkla (this is my cue to break into howls of despair and snotty nosed sobs) after marriage while when I am in Kiribathgoda, I have this awesome staff transport with awesome people who are full of smiles and kind and tender words. The Yakkala transport has always been troublesome for me. It's literally like the transport from hell. Being the new girl isn't easy there with everybody bulling me but I braved them all and just when I thought that I've seen the last of my troubles, along comes bug lady (honestly I can't seem to get over how bug-like she really is) and hovers about like that annoying fly (making that annoying wheeeeeeeeeee sound) that you just can't seem to get rid of.

And then I realized what her problem might be. Having sat at my seat once or twice while I was in Kiribathgoda, she seems to have developed a liking for where I usually sit. I like that seat, it's where I always sit. I like it because it gives me the secluded space that I need at the end of a tiring day surrounded by people and I like it because, well, I simply like it. And this fawn of Satan (it's quite easy to picture her doing the devil dance naked around a blazing fire and sacrificing virgins and drinking their blood), has developed a liking for it too. And she absolutely loathes me for having claimed it back, takes every chance she can to be nasty. I don't get it. I really don't get it.

So these days I find myself being usurped of my seat. Even when I come right at 4.30 on the dot (I managed several days just to test my theory), there she is, smugly seated, watching me from the corner of her eye, watching to see what I would do. I, of course, do not betray my feelings and not willing to admit defeat and I cooly go claim another seat without so much of a glance in that direction, calmly take out my book/music and continue doing what I do, all the time of course, muttering curses under my breath. Still I could feel her eyes boring right into the back of my head. The little Rumpelstiltskin clearly has a problem.

One often does wonder how one is snugly seated in the staff transport sharp at 4.30 when one only gets off duty at 4.30. I of course having actual work to do, cannot even comprehend how one is seated in the staff transport at 4.30 on the dot. Either she does not have any work to do, she does not work but loafs around till 4.30 or she has brilliant teleportation powers. I honestly doubt that it is the latter. Needless to say, it is because of people like this that companies go bankrupt and empires fall.

And when I make an enemy, I find out everything about them. And I mean EVERYTHING. And people who know me know that I am frighteningly good at it too.

But this case is an exception.

Despite the best of my attempts, I only found out the following information - she wears a ring on her left ring finger, which indicates that she may or may not be married, has an appearance of about 48 - 50 years old, which also may or may not be the case, a constipated look on her face and that she has a terrible dress sense. She works for the same organization that I do and may or may not live in Gampaha. That's it. Not even a name or a department. And this is despite my best efforts.

Which further goes to show that she may not be human.

This malicious little imp always finds a way to be close to me, even when I'm not sitting in her favourite seat(which is, technically speaking MINE!). Yesterday I found her breathing down my neck (which is quite hard to do since I am a good head or so taller than her) and this morning, without me even being aware of her presence, pushes me. I of course did not take this assault lying down. I pushed back. And answered the glowering and the swearing that followed with a sweet smile and a sorry.

That felt good.

All jokes aside, the situation is seriously sinister. If I am stabbed (cue 'Psycho' music) or mysteriously disappears, let this blog post be witness that it is the bug lady who probably has me skinned alive and is beaming from ear to ear, having covered herself with a blanket made off my skin.

*Shudders*. My fascination with the macabre even scares me sometimes.

On other matters, the prospect of becoming a stay-at-home person (I have an inherent abhorrence to the the term "housewife". It sounds like a synonym for domestic slave. Or slave wife.) is seeming more and more attractive in my eyes. Getting up early morning is taking away the good part of my youth I feel and for the best part of the day I am elsewhere getting harassed by Satan's imps and waging other people's wars. I am very happy about my current workplace. Nonetheless, I love my home (MY home. Not where I currently am) even more. But as people would say, I was born awesome but not rich, so getting up in the morning and going to work has to be worked in to the schedule somehow for now.

Unless I found a way to make a living from home. Hmm.....

And while I thus so shamelessly indulge in procrastination in the multifaceted forms of, inspirational posts, cat videos (I don't even like cats), celebrity gossip (I don't know who half these people are), serial killers (Yes, those are fascinating) and oh, pretty much anything that distracts me (it's amazing how everything starts seeming oh-so-interesting when you have something else to do, isn't it?), it bothers my mind that there sits, like a giant venomous, ugly frog, a monolithic (and torturous) thesis demanding my attention, blowing raspberries at me, making my very existence a source of woe and worry.  And then there's my food blog that I have sold my soul to. There also awaits a very exciting book that I've read 3/4 (Isabel Allende is awesome) and it's funny how I find myself sneaking off with it all the time to the washroom/hidden away in my room and etc. I don't know who I am hiding from! It's hilarious really. And a little sad :(

Anyhoo, it will all be over soon, I promise. (gives myself a hug).

I shall now go back to hatching a plan on getting back at that evil little staff transport Satan worshiper. Life just got a wee bit interesting with this malicious little imp of mine *rubs hands together as evil laughter ensues*


  

2 comments:

srilankanescapader said...

The enemy thingy sounds very interesting, and I presume you are referring to the UL transport from Katu. Yep, they do possess a mafia type of an attitude and their region of dominance is that Bus… I think it’s called “thug life” at UL…. If I’m to be assuming you are talking of it….happy travelling!

lady grouch-a-lot said...

You presume correct! Although I am curious, how did you guess?
Ah...the mafia. These days, the demon lady is starring daggers at me while I blissfully ignore her altogether, having found myself yet another cosy corner of the bus where I can happily curl up with my book without being disturbed. So all is well :)