Eyebrow rape and other stories

My eyebrows were raped at the hands of a terrible, terrible salon personnel today. They are still recovering from their psychological wounds.

You see, I have very simple requirements when it comes to my eyebrows - to have two instead of one.  Nothing fancy, just enough to undo the Helga from 'Hey Arnold' look. The problem is, when these salon people see my eyebrows, they get all excited and want to take it all off (the eyebrows I mean). Some want to turn them into 'V's (I honestly don't understand what this is all about. Who'd want to have two circumflexes above their eyes anyway?) while some are convinced that they'd look super as super thin rainbows. Just get this straight; yes, I understand that my eyebrows are super bushy and yes, they might present themselves to you as the perfect playground to practice your craft. Whipping them into whatever you want them to be might seem all too exciting (cue whiplash), but the point is to shape them into what "I" want. I want them thick and there will be no compromising on that. After all, they are on MY face not anyone else's.

Same happens with my hair. 'OMG, SO much hair! Why do you want to cut this??','Such big curls! Let's straighten this!', 'You know what you should do??? Perm it!' are the usual reactions while some have other bizarre suggestions like 'let's dye it blue with green highlights. With your wavy curls, that would look so groovy!'. Honest to God, I'm not even kidding.

I'm not someone who frequents beauty salons, simply because the whole concept, the stench of bleeching and burnt hair somewhat depresses and nauseates me. So just like my eyebrows, I have simple needs when it comes to my hair. Just make it manageable. And without the straightening/rebonding/perming/colouring and the entire synthetic jingbang please. I'm not perfect but I somewhat like myself exactly as I am. And I will never get used to the high pitched gushing and screeching of beauty consultants, instructing the female creatures who walk through those doors about what is beautiful and what is not. I find it a tad patronising.  

That is not to say that all beauty consultants are the same. You come across some really awesome ones too once in a while, true artists who understand and work with all the natural flaws, inconsistencies and features of humans and accentuate their beauty, their uniqueness, interpreting them into something remarkable. Those, however rare, I cherish.

Thank God I have found such a hair person now who doesn't go bananas and mangoes at the sight of my hair. I am keeping her. Unfortunately, I am yet to find the luxury of such an eyebrow person as yet.

All this because my parents are celebrating their birthday tomorrow and I had to get them both gifts. Yes, yes they were both born on the same day, but years apart. And no, it's not cool cz every year right around this time I go shamefully broke from buying gifts for both of them at the same time. Plus all this wandering from one place to another in that impossible quest to find the perfect gift! Being a perfectionist does not help when you are out gift hunting...

Was out and about in Kiribathgoda after a long, long time. Couldn't help but wonder at how much things have changed. There was a time when the only bookshops in town were Samanala and the Gamage Bookshop. I used to get all excited when I was small when it was that time of the year when parents go out with their little ones with the list of books for school (this list has everything that the child would need for the term including pens and pencils, erasers, bottles of glue and etc). The smell of new books have always excited me and sometimes, if my parents were feeling generous, they would let me choose my own pencils and erasers instead of getting the boring, standard ones they usually give for the list. Fruity scented strawberry shaped erasers were all the rage those days and I'd always go for the most colourful pencils available. They were the most expensive. That is, if my parents let me.

Times have changed now and the children nowadays have much fancier things that I doubt if they really know the meaning of appreciation of what they get. The ability to get thrilled and be besides oneself over something so small like a fancy eraser was such a beautiful, innocent thing. I am grateful for those moments, I am grateful for those times. I feel sorry for the children of nowadays. I'd doubt if they would get impressed if even handed an iMac.

These bookshops have become forgotten holes in the wall, dark and gloomy inside, barely visible. It breaks my heart to see them now. Bigger and more luxurious looking bookshops like Sarasavi and Gunasena are looming over them now in their multi-storeyed glory while the others are shrinking under their gaze. It's sad. Just like everything else is in these changing times. Suddenly, I am left nostalgic for my childhood.

Back to the topic of shopping. Kiribathgoda is a fascinating place to shop if you've got a bit of time on your hands. While it isn't the best place to shop for the party that is tonight, once in a while you strike gold in the form of a gorgeous dress or a pair of shoes at unbelievably low prices if only you bother to dig far enough.

It always cracks me up whenever I walk into a shoe or a clothing store and a shop assistant asks me "Miss   මොනාද බැලුවේ". I always stop myself just in time from answering that I'm looking to buy some potatoes and coconuts for dinner. at the shoe store.

Well, I had no time for any of those today, what with dealing with an unending assignment and my perennial procrastination. And here I am watching videos of chipmunks doing stretching exercises on youtube and yapping crazy lady rants on blogger.

Back to my raped eyebrows. Tragedy is not even the word. So I walked home today in the rain with my scandalously thin eyebrows, letting the raindrops wash away my eyebrows' tears. And despite the heart wrenching tragedy, dare I say I enjoyed the walk? 

A Lady's thoughts on food blogs & procrastination

Lady Grouchalot finally has her own food blog! All my food rants, food adventures and whatnot will be posted on peckishme.com from now on and I cannot be more thrilled!

This food blog was years in coming and if it wasn't for our sweet web developer friend (who very graciously fit in this instantaneous request of mine in the midst of his extremely busy life, accommodated my wackiest whims and put up with my incessant nagging) this whole thing would not even have been possible. What I've been dreaming of for years, he pulled off in just two weeks! And just like I wanted it too. Kavidu, you are awesome!

On another note, foodsterous.blogspot.com/ will be no more as peckishme will take its place. Bye bye old blogger food blog! I shall miss thee nevertheless.

These days, by day I am a hardworking professional and by night, a somewhat reluctant student, bent under the weight of challenging assignments. On top of all that there are the other things that I must deal with like food blogs, poetry and a little bit of reading on the side. Life is constantly, shamelessly and unforgivingly demanding these days. I am on an adrenaline run. Juggling a highly demanding job role and a semi-secret scholarly life is somewhat complicated. I am, simply exhausted.

I have never been a fan of assignments. And these assignments are no exception. Isn't it amazing how everything else, even clipping your toenails become oh-so-engaging when faced with the task of writing an assignment? I have coined a whole lot of terms for my condition - academic lethargy, scholarly procrastination, students' block, study hunger being some of my frequently used terms. In fact, this very post is a result of my academic lethargy and scholarly procrastination.

Nothing has changed from undergrad days. NOTHING. So much for wishful thinking. Maybe, even with age and experience, some things never really improve.

Juggling life is what I do at this moment. Extreme stress period and it shows on my face. If I was to sleep 2 whole weeks, I will. Just to get a breather. Oh I am so tired.

But ah, the food blog! I still can't believe that I have one. Life was getting dull and one day I sat down and decided that I must have something that is mine and mine alone, something that makes me happy. I have realized that maintaining my own identity and having something to call my own is what it requires to be happy and content while working my socks (rather heels) off to make someone else's dreams come true. (Not that it is necessarily a bad thing, but some of us have a conscience that asks us strange questions sometimes) Having a child was not an option and neither is the novel I am writing coming out anytime soon. Hence Peckishme. com. My online baby :)

Right now, life is a mixture of the good and bad, the challenging, the unbearable and the sweet moments that make it all worthwhile. I am grateful for my support system, the handful of loved ones who have always been and will always be there for me. Right now, the rest of the world is one big, blurry haze and I don't really care. And the heat isn't helping either! Oh well, here's to cooler climes, friendlier, more humane colleagues and lesser assignments in the future. Here's to a more chilled out future. God knows I badly need one.

On love - an afterthought

I think love is based on action and reaction. I think it has very little to do with the appearance of an individual, one's personality or any other trait in the long run of things. While the above mentioned factors are applicable to short trice, I think long lasting affection is based on one's reaction to the other human being, the kindness and the attention shown, the amount of respect and regard that one has for another.

As someone who's had her fair share of long term relationships, I think I am entitled to these opinions.

It was while playing with my dog yesterday that this thought first struck me. It was after 3 whole days that he had seen me and his enthusiasm, his affection in general was overflowing; snuggling up to me and then toppling me over to lick and bite and poke at with his nose, not quite knowing what to do with himself in a fluster of excitement. This show of affection was and will always be, contagious. He is, as all the other dogs who have been in my life, one of those very few things I cherish in life, maybe even more so. But why do I love him so? Would I love him the same if he ignored me? Would I love him the same if he acted vicious towards me? I don't think so. I would be patient for a limited period of time, trying my best to love him, but I would have soon sunk into indifference. Such is the nature of a human being. 

People have different priorities, but speaking from a personal angle, appearance had never been a priority for me. It had not even been secondary or tertiary. Of course personality is what had always attracted me but it is how one reacts to me which becomes the crucial, retaining factor. Experience has confirmed that all the charisma in the world would not do if one does not respect, treat with attentive kindness and allow me to be myself with him without inhibition. This, I think is the secret to any lasting relationship. 

A younger me - a stubborn idealist, used to believe in 'unconditional love'. But an older, more exposed me wonders if there really exists an 'unconditional love' in this modern day and age. As per my notion, if not anything else, there will always be one condition; love and respect in return. Without these, how long can one's affections last? How much disrespect and indifference will one put up with before deciding to move away? We are all human after all. 

Whether one acknowledges it or not, the universe does revolve around oneself. Human beings are innately selfish and one tends to only invest in things if one gets a similar return. This goes against all romantic notions of love, but this is the stark reality as I see it. Where does romantic love end and practical relationships begin? One often tends to confuse one with the other and get lost among the two as a result.

People get into relationships for various reasons; loneliness - all your friends have settled down and you are feeling left out, Financial security, the glitz and the glamour, social pressure & biological clock issues, Super Hero/Heroine complex- the need to 'rescue' someone (a younger me is plenty guilty of this but an older and hopefully wiser me have decided to only stick to rescuing stray puppies. Those who want to be saved will save themselves. It is not up to me to save the world). But how many of us have gotten into a relationship because the other person really clicks or truly resonates with you? That kind of relationship is rare and will be the ONLY relationship that will truly make one happy right through one's life.

Which takes me back to my very first point - the reaction. While like-minded individuals who just 'click' are a rarity, those who will give you the respect, the kindness, love and attention that you deserve are even rarer. Whatever said and done, love and relationships are two very different things. The two do meet on very rare occasions and when they do, one is wise to hold on to it. Love does not always end in relationships and relationships are not always based on love. And god knows we rarely marry the ones we love. But where does this vicious circle end or begin?

They do say that the best kind of love is love unrequited, pure and untainted by reality. But I think real love, as raw and crude as it comes, is the best and lasting kind.

Oh I dunno. Just my tuppence on love post-Valentine's Day.   

   

Cadence of your Tears (Freedom's Chains)

25th January 2015, we ventured out to give a newly released original track a listen . A casual gathering of a few friends and media, the event said, a collaboration of two artists; a rather formidable personality in the metal music scene and a promising musician trained in classical music. An unlikely combo and to be quite frank, we did not know what to expect. Although we went expecting the unexpected in the first place, what was belted out at that hearing blew us away anyway.

Cadence of your tears (Freedom's chains) is simply put, breathtaking. It is unlike anything we have ever heard of in the local music scene and is therefore, quite refreshing. I am pretty sure I forgot to shed the sharp intake of breath that occurred as the first few notes of these wonderful voices merging, distancing and then entwining once again touched our ears. And for a great while afterwards, I was left speechless.

Let me deliberate.

Composed by Sanjeev Niles & Suresh De Silva of Stigmata, produced by Raveen Ratnam  of Paragon Productions, the vocals of the track comprise of the deep classical baritone of Sanjeev Niles and the wacky, varied and vivacious vocals of Suresh De Silva . Together, these three make a remarkable trio and the song Cadence of your Tears stands testament to this fruitful union.  

Having been introduced to Stigmata at a very young age in the form of an accidental hearing of "Voices" followed by a frantic scramble for their "other" work many , many years ago, I think it's fair to say that I actually grew up with their music. Even at that age, there was something that drew me to their work and kept me there all these years; the lyrics, the tunes, the insane guitar riffs, the unconventional compositions, I have formed a very personal, almost emotional attachment to all these over the years. Hence, Suresh's voice is no stranger to us. The growling, the screeching, the occasional and unexpected mellowness, the effortless falsettos, all too familiar. But this track came as quite a shock. A shock as to how different this song is to what I am used to and yet how similar in ways that I can't explain. (Dying Winter Sleeps anyone?)

The difference lies in the fact that in this piece, his voice is lifted beyond the usual plains into a sphere yet to be explored by the music of Stigmata (Hint, hint). However, it brings out a unique side to his vocals that we have never heard. His voice plunges into bottomless depths only to soar oh-so-high the next, dropping into a gentle whisper the following second leaving a lingering echo behind (that rolling of the "r" in the first verse. Italian ravioli-delicious). Makes one wonder what else these promising vocals are capable of indeed.  

I've only just gotten to know the music of Sanjeev Niles.  He has definitely captured my attention with this beautiful composition, his deep reverberating vocals and also his interest in the creation of music that transcends boundaries and demolishes set norms. And that voice! His is the solid, earthy foundation upon which Suresh's notes bloom (for some reason, I am reminded of Wuthering Heights' Catherine Earnshaw's comment about the "eternal rocks beneath" but never mind). Goes without saying that he will be featured at the top of my "to watch out for" artists in the coming years.

Raveen David Ratnam is of course, a familiar face. Having emerged as a TNL Onstage winner sometime back as a member of FuzMechanx, he has come a long way since, having been performing, composing, producing and also, headbanging at a metal gig once in a while. A multifaceted individual as rumours would rightly have it, and a talented one at that.

So how do these three fit in with one another? Rather well I'd say.

Just one complaint though. I felt that the track is not long enough and is abrupt in ending. Some nagging voice inside my head wants more and says that this has the potential to be a longer, much complex piece had it been given more playing time and milked to its fullest capacity. In that, it feels incomplete. Maybe that's just me annoyed that the song ended too soon. Oh well....  

In any case, here is a song that has managed to grab my attention and keep me captive within its varied nuances.  Here is a piece that moved me speechless and left me hitting the replay button over and over. A smooth, dark lullaby which has that surreal, almost fairy tale-ish, melancholic vibe that you immediately get hooked on to. It's enchanting, transporting, it's haunting; so much so that "My cantata, my cantata, my cantata...for your sin" has been playing in my head all week long.

Not that I'm complaining.  

In plain simple terms, this piece is badass. But as Suresh rightly said, there is nothing metal about it, BUT it is very much metal "in spirit".

And as usual, the lyrics of the song baffle, beguile and fascinate me all at the same time, true Stigmata style. I suspect that the infamous Stigmata vocalist/lyricist had a hand in this.  

Okay enough ranting. The song was finally launched online just a few hours ago, so feast your ears. The link below should do the needful. Click away. Happy listening!

https://soundcloud.com/sanjeevniles/cadence-of-your-tears-freedoms-chains

Did I mention that this is just the first track of an entire album? Well it is! Need I even say that the rest of this album is very much anticipated?

Flu Blues & weekends

Friday nights. Oh how I love them!

I love them for their silence, their infinite patience, the soft, drawling limbs dragging, dragging, taking their time, taking their time. I am happy curling up with a book or just sitting by myself, my thoughts and I, far from the maddening crowds.

You see, I am not the clubbing, partying kind. Never have been, never will be. Of course I am a bit of a dance freak but as far as I understand, that has nothing to do with the partying vibe. I am more of an intimate gathering kind, with people that I am comfortable with, people that I like.

Ah weekends. I love them for the morning cup of tea still in my pajamas at 9 am in the morning, sprawled across the couch in front of the TV, watching TLC and travelling in my head. I love them for the listless flops upon the balcony hammock, cup of tea in hand swinging to and fro in the mid-morning breeze, traces of sleep still not gone from eyes starring into the distance, mind far, far away.

I love them for the golden morning sunshine, filtered through the lace curtains, sneaking their way across the floor climbing all over the furniture. I love them for the drowsy honeyed sunlight in the afternoons when the sun could not bother anymore and we have caught it in its mellow moments with tea, other homemade goodies and frivolous chitterchatter in the garden.

Weekends. I love them for the random trips, foodie discoveries, personal indulgences and the occasional book binge once in a while. I love them for the infinity of horizons that open up, the excitement of possibilities and rare encounters here and there. I love them for walks walked hand in hand, sweet secret smiles and stolen kisses. And I would not have it any other way.

But all in all, I love weekends for the listless empty hours and the knowledge of having no obligations. Bliss :)

Now to curl up with a many paged friend and later on, cuddle up to a cup of tea and maybe a latenight snack. I am fickle in my books and flirtatious in reading. But alas, I cannot help it, I am just that, a lustful fiend yearning for stories, never satisfied. I have a harem that I've not yet fully explored but what I continue to grow with new additions each passing day.

On a side note, I have decided to get married. As they say, it's not even the right person, it is the right time. And I think that the right time approacheth.

Smooth sailing, satisfying, life has been quite placid lately. A short spell of flu, a few books, movies, a few hectic days at work and a few unforgettable moments with loved ones - life has been good.Travel bug has awakened once again, the postponed Europe plans are nagging in my head. One of these days I will just..........travel. The plan is to retire by 35. Let's hope I earn enough by then.

The book is underway and I am a bit under the weather. Throat scratcheth and I, sniffleth still. Must get sleep. Or else! The book can wait. But stories wait for no one somebody once said. But this story has waited a long time before it started trickling down my fingertips onto a computer keyboard. It can wait down a flu I am sure.    

Bye bye 2014! You've been a good sport :)

Sunny climes are back again! Sweat trickling down the back, crazy frizzy hair and burning, scorching sun, oh how I've missed these!

Christmas came and went but the celebrations still continue. It is the season of burnt, cut and blistered fingers, aching joints and painfully broken nails but radiant smiles on faces. With the habitual Christmas dinner on the 25th at my place and the multitude of parties that precede and follow, the atmosphere itself is still charged with a certain restlessness, reminiscent of so many happy childhood memories. One day, I want to create such wonderful memories for my children, for them to feel the beauty that surrounds, to teach them to share what they have, just as my parents had done for me. I feel grateful, for being able to feel how I feel, to be able to conjure up beauty in the ugliest of situations and I hope one day, that I will succeed as a parent, to do the same for my own offspring.

I want to raise my children on tasteful music, hardcore literature and stark reality, none of that High School Musical crap for them. I want my children to know how to love and to live their lives in a way that makes sense. I want them to know the difference between the good and the bad. I want to teach them how to feel, how to reach out and help and most importantly, how to empathise. I want to create in them all that is grossly lacking in this world right now.

I have so many plans and expectations of my unborn kids that I almost feel sorry for them.

It's been a great year, one of my favourite years so far. It was a year of new beginnings, revelations, eye openers and disillusionment. I believe I emerged out of it all, a little bit wisened than I was before. I took some of the most important decisions I've taken in my life during the last few months and many more await in the horizon. Breaking away from what weighed me down professionally as well as personally has been a liberating experience that words cannot even begin to explain. I've always been fond of letting go. I am addicted to that sense of complete freedom and euphoria that follows, that infinite world of possibilities that open up immediately afterwards. I'm a letting go junkie.

The plan was to do one thing but when fate intervenes, one has to obey. But in order to do so, one has to look for the signs. Travel plans had to be cancelled, but hell, Europe can wait, South Africa and Indonesia can wait, universe had grander plans for me that simply could not wait. Today I am happy that I seized the moment when it barged right into me, yelling right at my face to grab it and grab it tight. Rather, the opportunity seized me and shook me till I came to my senses. And I am happy that I, like the obedient girl that I am (ahem) indulged. As a result, I am doing what I love today, spending more time with people and animals that I care about like I've always wanted to. This is proof that fate has never let me down, not even once.

But then, there are some decisions that fate dictates which depend on outside factors. For those, having done all that I can, it is up to the concerning parties to interpret the universe's hints and take relevant action. I am glad that I've achieved the maturity to understand that and simply, wait. I've also learnt to move on, having given such things a fair enough amount of time. After all, life only gives chances and grabbing or not grabbing them is entirely a matter of choice. And one cannot simply, wait forever.

I follow my heart wherever it would go. That is excepting cases which involve people that I care about who in turn care about me. There had been instances where I've doubted my decisions and regretted that the circumstances had not been so, and my heart had wept for the decisions I could not make. But the reward for the sacrifices I've made compromising my own happiness had truly been worth it. Today, I regret nothing as I rejoice in the happiness of those I care about. However, I waste no time on those who do not care about me. All the more love to go around for those who give a damn!

Whatever said and done, I've also learnt that it is not wise to place your happiness in the hands of others, whatever bonds that may prevail, whatever promises that may have been made. The past has taught me abundantly to prepare to be hurt, but give all of myself, do all that I can but with a certain sense of detachment which does not allow me to expect anything in return. Others will not be as careful of your feelings as you yourself will be, however close they may be, however you may have given yourself to them. It's not something they can help, humans are not made to read other people's thoughts and to know what hurts them and what does not. One must understand that and empathize. As Lord Buddha himself had preached, in the end all that matters is how much you loved, how gently you've lived and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you. And I try. It is not easy, mind. Whatever said and done, you do tend to expect just that little bit of extra love and care in return. After all, you are only very much human. But I believe I can get there, step by tiny step.

2015 is a year of promise. It is a year of new beginnings and the continuation of old ones, all very positive. One goal is to finish the novel by the end of 2015, how this is to be done, I still have not figured. I am aware that while making a living for myself is important, it is also important to create something for myself, something that belongs only to me and no one else. That is how I balance this universal predicament of having to work towards someone else's dream. I make the time to work on my own. The ego is appeased that way, dignity is intact.

I want to read all the books in the world, all at the same time! Sometimes, I want to just shut myself in a room and just read and write. Is there something wrong with me? I do wonder sometimes.

I do not make resolutions for the new year. Because for me, every day is a chance to start anew. One needs not wait 365 days to turn their lives around. So no resolutions for 2015 as well. Instead I shall ride with my heart, just as I've always done.

Not even funny how fast the time flew by! 2014 ends in a few hours and 2015 dawns. And here comes the throttling hugs, the snotty kisses and awkward boob rubs from perfect strangers that seems to be something that you simply cannot avoid no matter what year it is. I shall stick to my guns as usual this year as well. Hugs are for those who mean something to me, people I care about. Others will have to make do with a handshake.

The Horror Movie Survival Guide

I'm a huge fan of horror movies, but that does not mean that I am not affected by the stupid decisions that their characters make. Rather, the directors. I do not sympathize with people who die in horror movies. As I am continuously flabbergasted by how horrendously stupid these people are, I consider them to be an insult to humanity and therefore believe that they deserve to die. Yes, I know that people do the most idiotic things imaginable when they panic, but this is just a whole new level of idiocy. So if you ever find yourself in a horror movie, here's a little horror movie survival guide for dummies.

1. When a car is chasing you, the middle of the road is probably not the best place to run along. Run into a building or a narrow alleyway where the car cannot follow you. If there are no buildings, run into the friggin' jungle, climb an effing tree, ANYTHING other than running in the middle of the road for God's sake!

2. One simply does not hide under the bed or between some scanty shelves when a psychopath is chasing you with an axe/machete/chainsaw, etc. One finds a legitimate hiding place or runs for dear life, screeching like a bat out of hell, as fast as your skinny legs in the tightest imaginable skirt can carry you, towards a public place where there are people. If you can't run in the skirt (and the heels), take them off! Being worried about flashing the killer should be the last thing on your mind. Besides, has it ever occurred to you that under the bed just might be the first place that the killer might look? No? It should have.

3. When one hears a sound when one is home alone, one does NOT go and investigate. Run to your room, lock the door and call the police. If it is the Sri Lankan police you might as well call your least favourite neighbour (because by the time the police finds you, you will be very dead and your body will probably be crawling with maggots) Neighbour option works. If your neighbour does not want to come, lure him/her with promises of food/sex or whatever else that rocks his world. At least if they don't manage to chase off the killer, they can still provide as a distraction by getting killed while you make your getaway. (Yes, faced with such dire circumstances, you are allowed to be evil like that)

4. One does not simply run upstairs when one is being chased by a killer where there is no escape route available. One runs out the door and onto the street where there are people. Relatively normal, non-psychopathic people.

5. One does not simply make sounds when one is in hiding. Bite your tongue if you have to but one does not sob out loud when one is inside a closet and there is a crazy killer outside.

6. One does not simply pickup shady looking hitchhikers along lonely roads. If you do, you are just stupid.

7. One does not simply sell one's soul to the devil. Unless you have a soul that not even a Mudalali in Pettah would buy. In which case the devil wouldn't accept yours either (Yes, be sad. Nobody wants you)

8. One does not simply walk into creepy looking abandoned houses. Especially if there are urban legends attached to it. Even if there are no legends attached, you simply do not walk into creepy, abandoned houses at night. Or burned down mental institutions. Or graveyards. Or abandoned hospitals. If you do, that does not mean that you are brave, you are just stupid. But if you are someone like me who does exactly what they are told not to do, try and go exploring during the day when the sun is shining.

9. Do not piss off old ladies. They are evil.

10. Stay away from dolls. Dolls are evil.

11. One does not accommodate static calls. One does not answer, especially if the telephone wire is found to be cut. And one does not hello-fy the phone if all you hear at the other end of the line is heavy breathing.

12. One does not pick up the receiver if a payphone on the road rings just as you pass by. Just don't.

13. Don't go chasing dogs, wayward maidens or even your friends who've suddenly gone crazy into the wilderness. Especially when there is a killer outside, Stay close to shelter and chances are, you will live.

14. If you are with a group of friends, don't split up. Really, why would you? Want to find a missing friend? Go together. Want to hunt or gather firewood? Go together. Want to go to the loo? Even then, go together.

15. You are at the steering wheel of your car, you have the keys, you have your foot on the gas pedal and suddenly, the killer appears at your side door. Why the eff would you just squeal like a girl and cower (as if that's gonna help) instead of flooring it and driving away? (To psychokillers - Do you really have to break the glass? Why the eff won't you try the door first? Cz dumb blondes like that never lock their doors)    

16. You are inside your car parked in the woods doing the naughty with your girl (or someone else's girl) Suddenly you hear a sound outside the vehicle. Why the eff do you want to play the hero, get off the vehicle and examine the source of the sound? You ain't Nancy Drew. Or Hardy Boys (Pun very consciously intended). None of your business. Just continue with the naughty. Or just drive away and get a room. Sheesh.

17. Don't play with Ouija boards. Just don't.

18. Don't summon up demons. Unless you can control them *grin*

19. Be the funny black guy in the movie. He never gets killed.

20. Or be the hero. Gets the girl, grows a sexy stubble also at the end of the movie (mamma mia!) and survives the attack (with sexy psychological wounds that can only be healed with plenty of kisses and lots of hanky panky *grin*)

21. Why does the dorkiest guy turn into the sexiest hunk once they turn werewolf? Or vampire. Why???

22. If you are attracted to a shady pale dude with sharp teeth and you have this overwhelming desire for him to suck all your blood, he is probably a vampire. Stay away. Or get turned a vampire and spend eternity with him *swoon* (Btw, place him in sunlight and do the sparkly test first. If he glistens like diamonds, just drop his sparkling ass. He ain't a vampire, he's just a disco ball)

 23. If your friend turns into a demon and tries to kill you, he ain't your friend anymore. All the whimpering and puppy dog eyes in the world shouldn't fool you.

24. You don't just shoot a psycho killer once and lay your gun down. Considering the fact that he just murdered your entire family and all those you love. You empty the whole barrel into the bastard, stab him a few times and cut off his head too for good measure. Then you rest, but keep the gun with you please.

25. When a killer is trying to strangle you, you don't resist. Pretend to just die. And lie very, very still till he turns to the next victim.

26. One simply must not bother running away from ghosts. They are ghosts. They will simply appear around the other corner of the road without batting an eyelid whereas you would be sweating bullets with your tongue rolling out the red carpet for them to come right in. Stupid.

27. House moving should always be preceded by a ghost or demon check. Or when hooking up with a new dude/girl. Oh and don't forget the psycho killer check.

28. Taking the path less traveled may not be such a good idea when you are in a horror movie.

29. Always lock the door when in the bathtub. And install a shower stall and make it transparent. Shower curtains are hazardous especially with serial killers around.

30. Be the boring girl/guy without a sense of humour, wearing the sensible clothes. They are usually the ones who survive.

31. Don't piss off women in general. Hell hath no fury than a woman scorned is true. I'm a woman and even I'm creeped out by my clan.

32. Just be nice to everyone at school. You never know who's gonna turn up at your reunion 20 years later and kill everyone who hadn't been nice to them.

33. If you are a descendant of some obscure bloodline with a shady history, don't ever go to the place of origin of your ancestors. Chances are, you will be pulled up for things your great great great (insert as many 'great's here) did thousands of years ago.

34. Don't go camping in remote, obscure places that you've never heard of. Especially if your friends are stupid. If you do, don't piss off the locals. And always listen to the local cop when they tell you not to go somewhere. But never trust the local cop.

35. Think twice before opening up locked doors or boxes that are chained to the teeth. They are kept closed for a reason.

36. If suddenly your phone starts ringing in an unfamiliar ringing tone, do not answer it. Phones are not supposed to do that.

37. Find an unfamiliar VHS tape or a badly edited video of random images? Don't watch it. Why watch it anyway? And if you do happen to watch it and you know you can't stop it, don't run around like a stupid cow and a half trying to stop what is happening, go bungee jumping, sky diving, etc etc. You're gonna die anyway. It's more fun being eaten by sharks than being petrified to death by a foul smelling, girl-like creature with a bad haircut crawling her way out of some obscure well.

38. And why oh why don't y'all lock your doors and windows?? It's like you want to be killed. Take it from the Sri Lankans. Put 5 different types of locks on the doors and windows, put a grill AND an alarm system. That way, if a door opens by itself, you can simply run for the hills qualms-free.

39. If the doorbell rings and you look through the peephole and there is nobody there, do NOT open the door! Do not go out leaving the door open to examine who rang the bell either. Really, how stupid can you get?

Because all this is a little too obvious. I've been on a horror movie marathon recently and idiots exasperate me. Anyways, just needed to rant. It's been a crazy two weeks and I can legitimately state that I am entitled to 10 years of sleep. It was a busy two weeks but an exciting two weeks nevertheless. Still quite pumped up and revved up to go, work can be fun when you are doing what you love best. Bit jittery on the personal front but I'm sure that should mend itself soon enough. It always does. I'm optimistic. Life excites me in general but at times, it gets me down. Ups and downs, all in a day's work I guess.