Sri Lankan aunties. Sigh.
It does not matter that you have accomplished much more than they had ever achieved in their 50+ years or what their married with kids daughter/son ever will in their entire lifetime, it does not matter what educational qualifications you have in your bag, it does not matter that you are an internationally published writer whose presence is occasionally required at writing festivals worldwide, it does not matter that you are a sought after professional in your particular field of work, it does not matter that you are earning enough to maintain their family and yours. Hell, I don't think it would even matter if you'd won the friggin' Nobel Peace Prize at some point in your life. None of it matters unless you've gotten married. And had kids.
Yes, I am writing fresh out of a "oh so you aren't still married *condescending look*" experience. Ugh.
I come from that segment of the society when just as you turned 20, your parents start looking for a 'suitable partner in life' (Ah the sheer number of these 'proposed' fellows that I've scared away puts a smile on my face) If you are a girl, you are practically home schooled for the fear of you getting involved with someone 'inappropriate'. I have been a (relatively) good girl all my life. I don't drink, I don't smoke or do drugs. I have a near-perfect academic record and I did not even have a boyfriend till I finished school (not because I was virtuous like that but because I had snobbishly categorized all the boys my age those days as immature and shallow. Which was quite true). Its absurd how good I've been really. But still, I am considered a rebel, the black sheep, the rotten fruit and etc in this particular community. Why? Because at 27 years of age, I am still refusing to get married and play happy families.
I am of the opinion that these aunties should worship me. I've practically been a saint (Ahem. Well, they don't know anything. They don't have to)
I am not a feminist by any degree. I am more of a person who values individual freedom rooting for the freedom of choice, whether you are a man or a woman. Therefore I simply fail to understand why an independent woman (financial and otherwise) cannot choose her own life. It's not that I am boycotting marriage altogether. It's just that now is not the time.
I thoroughly believe that everything depends on the timing. If the timing is wrong, even the most perfect thing can fall to pieces. Marriage in particular is all about the right timing. It's not even about the right person. I have, so far, been lucky (or wise) in love. I have a beautiful relationship going for me right now with a beautiful human being and I have every intention of solidifying this wonderful thing with marriage. But marriage means change and it is quite a huge change at that. And as all change goes, it requires exact timing. So there is no way in hell that I am ruining this beautiful thing with anything less.
I also believe that if it is the right time, if you are in that "I must now settle down and start a family" frame of mind, you can just about marry/settle down with anyone and live with your choice, even if it is the completely wrong choice for you. Which is what most people, if not all, do these days. Sure you will have these occasional qualms and moments of screaming conscience, but you will learn to drown that out by other means - drinking, drugs, other men/women, work, etc being the most popular choices. People are driven to 'just' settling down because they are afraid that they are growing old/lonely/all the others around you are married/settled etc. Which are completely the wrong reasons to get married and settle down btw. With all that as it is, this choice usually ends up leading the people to their own wreck and ruin rather than salvaging them as it should. This is based on observation, purely.
True happiness lies in finding that one person who understands you, all your quirks and anomalies and is happy to be weird, quirky and abnormal with you. At the considerably ripe age of 27, I have come to understand that.
In fact, here is the big, fat giant clue that you are with the right person - you simply want to become a better person. Why? Because the other person inspires you to do so. Because you want to do this right. If this happens inverse, then you've got yourself a problem.
Ok so back to the topic again.
Looking back, I am quite happy and content with what I've accomplished in life so far. It's a rare thing indeed for a human being to be thus satisfied and I am glad that I am. And throughout all these years, if I've understood anything at all about life, it is that EVERYTHING happens for a very good reason. Even the most crappiest of all experiences, the most burning of all disappointments, even if I felt that I won't survive those incidents at that time. All these have led me to the point that I am today. And I am in a pretty fine place right now. I dare say that I am proud of myself, despite what the aunties say. *A well earned pat on the back*
At the doorstep of another new chapter in my life. I get to conjoin two of my favorite things from tomorrow onward - Writing and food. Quite looking forward to this. So far, I've been blessed. As they say, if you do what you love, you will never work a day in your life.
Not that any of that will matter to the aunties. Not that I care either. After all, it's my conscience that I have to live with, not these aunties that become my bane at funerals, weddings, alms givings and etc.
I swear, they seem to just smell unmarried women!
It does not matter that you have accomplished much more than they had ever achieved in their 50+ years or what their married with kids daughter/son ever will in their entire lifetime, it does not matter what educational qualifications you have in your bag, it does not matter that you are an internationally published writer whose presence is occasionally required at writing festivals worldwide, it does not matter that you are a sought after professional in your particular field of work, it does not matter that you are earning enough to maintain their family and yours. Hell, I don't think it would even matter if you'd won the friggin' Nobel Peace Prize at some point in your life. None of it matters unless you've gotten married. And had kids.
Yes, I am writing fresh out of a "oh so you aren't still married *condescending look*" experience. Ugh.
I come from that segment of the society when just as you turned 20, your parents start looking for a 'suitable partner in life' (Ah the sheer number of these 'proposed' fellows that I've scared away puts a smile on my face) If you are a girl, you are practically home schooled for the fear of you getting involved with someone 'inappropriate'. I have been a (relatively) good girl all my life. I don't drink, I don't smoke or do drugs. I have a near-perfect academic record and I did not even have a boyfriend till I finished school (not because I was virtuous like that but because I had snobbishly categorized all the boys my age those days as immature and shallow. Which was quite true). Its absurd how good I've been really. But still, I am considered a rebel, the black sheep, the rotten fruit and etc in this particular community. Why? Because at 27 years of age, I am still refusing to get married and play happy families.
I am of the opinion that these aunties should worship me. I've practically been a saint (Ahem. Well, they don't know anything. They don't have to)
I am not a feminist by any degree. I am more of a person who values individual freedom rooting for the freedom of choice, whether you are a man or a woman. Therefore I simply fail to understand why an independent woman (financial and otherwise) cannot choose her own life. It's not that I am boycotting marriage altogether. It's just that now is not the time.
I thoroughly believe that everything depends on the timing. If the timing is wrong, even the most perfect thing can fall to pieces. Marriage in particular is all about the right timing. It's not even about the right person. I have, so far, been lucky (or wise) in love. I have a beautiful relationship going for me right now with a beautiful human being and I have every intention of solidifying this wonderful thing with marriage. But marriage means change and it is quite a huge change at that. And as all change goes, it requires exact timing. So there is no way in hell that I am ruining this beautiful thing with anything less.
I also believe that if it is the right time, if you are in that "I must now settle down and start a family" frame of mind, you can just about marry/settle down with anyone and live with your choice, even if it is the completely wrong choice for you. Which is what most people, if not all, do these days. Sure you will have these occasional qualms and moments of screaming conscience, but you will learn to drown that out by other means - drinking, drugs, other men/women, work, etc being the most popular choices. People are driven to 'just' settling down because they are afraid that they are growing old/lonely/all the others around you are married/settled etc. Which are completely the wrong reasons to get married and settle down btw. With all that as it is, this choice usually ends up leading the people to their own wreck and ruin rather than salvaging them as it should. This is based on observation, purely.
True happiness lies in finding that one person who understands you, all your quirks and anomalies and is happy to be weird, quirky and abnormal with you. At the considerably ripe age of 27, I have come to understand that.
In fact, here is the big, fat giant clue that you are with the right person - you simply want to become a better person. Why? Because the other person inspires you to do so. Because you want to do this right. If this happens inverse, then you've got yourself a problem.
Ok so back to the topic again.
Looking back, I am quite happy and content with what I've accomplished in life so far. It's a rare thing indeed for a human being to be thus satisfied and I am glad that I am. And throughout all these years, if I've understood anything at all about life, it is that EVERYTHING happens for a very good reason. Even the most crappiest of all experiences, the most burning of all disappointments, even if I felt that I won't survive those incidents at that time. All these have led me to the point that I am today. And I am in a pretty fine place right now. I dare say that I am proud of myself, despite what the aunties say. *A well earned pat on the back*
At the doorstep of another new chapter in my life. I get to conjoin two of my favorite things from tomorrow onward - Writing and food. Quite looking forward to this. So far, I've been blessed. As they say, if you do what you love, you will never work a day in your life.
Not that any of that will matter to the aunties. Not that I care either. After all, it's my conscience that I have to live with, not these aunties that become my bane at funerals, weddings, alms givings and etc.
I swear, they seem to just smell unmarried women!
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