Sunday, November 2, 2014

Ramblings on a Sunday morning

The Lady is a happy creature these days. She walks with a spring in her step and a smile on her face.

A dogged determination to live healthy drives me these days. Well, healthy-er. Growing up with a health freak of a mother I've always learnt to eat healthy. Yoga is as usual and part of life as eating, drinking, brushing my teeth and the regular routine of life and I am fond of dancing. Being a bit of a creature of the night, sleeping was the only part that was lacking. I disciplined myself into getting into a routine and I now get 7.30 - 8+ hours regularly. The effect is remarkable.

I feel so much younger! I have so much of energy and so much of enthusiasm about life in general that it is crazy. No more feeling tired even before the day has begun, no more bouts of lethargy. There's just so much energy! Comments on how much younger and more fresher looking I am these days don't hurt either. All in all, it's evident that the early to bed regiment is working.

Sometimes I worry that I will outlive everyone. People have such unhealthy lifestyles these days. But I am working on keeping the people that I care about just a bit longer by inspiring them (which varies from bribing, coaxing to death threats) to live healthier too.

The behavior of  the male animal is truly fascinating. At the presence of a female of his species, the male animal will make sure that the female animal makes a note of his presence and will not leave until his mission has been accomplished. Especially ones with that much of extra ego who simply cannot stand being ignored. Next comes the demonstration of his assets. The male animal will usually puff out the chest, straighten his shoulders to make himself appear taller and broader. He will make constant displays of strength and power, all the time making sure that he appears prominent in the background. In simple terms, he will strut his stuff. At the apparent disinterest of the female, the male animal will often keep trying or lose interest whilst the most ego-ridden of the lot will take offence at the disinterest and will purposely and very blatantly ignore the female. It's all very interesting. That primal instinct of the male animal to showcase his strength and the capability to protect and maintain a family I suppose? It's kind of like a mating call. Simply enthralling. I like observing people.

Me and SLT have a complicated relationship. Sometimes it's love and most times its seething, boiling rage. I exceed my 40GB limit for the month fairly quickly (yes, it's SLT's most ancient unlimited package) and the internet becomes excruciatingly slow. Like I can have a good sleep and wake up while it loads kind of slow. When that happens, banshee mode is so on! Sparks and random objects fly with the tantrum session usually ending with a well spiced phone call seeped in chili to the 'Sri Lanka Telecom' with a suffering telephone operator at the other end, not knowing what hit em (I know it's unfair to unleash the whole width, breadth and the height of my fury at them but most of the time these operators are so obnoxious that you simply cannot help yourself. I dare say, you even derive a secret pleasure out of it) The connection just reset and I am somewhat appeased. For the moment.

To help people, to make a difference in this world has always been something that I've always strived for. Naive as I was in my younger days, I had always assumed that dedicating myself to a humanitarian organization would suit this purpose just perfectly. But older and (hopefully) wiser now, having observed organizational behavior and the nature of the human kind in general, I have eventually come to terms with the fact that if I wanted to help, I would have to do it in my own time. And I am at peace with that.

I have realized that happiness lies within me. Yes, this is a common quote that you see plastered across social media, FB timelines and yes, even bumper stickers. Cliched as it is, no matter how many times you see this, the moment the truth of this statement hits you, it's a form of enlightenment in itself. I have realized that no matter how selflessly you give yourself to those who you've considered to be your own, if you place your happiness upon them, you will always be unhappy. Because it is human nature to be selfish, even if they don't intend to be. Your happiness will never be as important to another person as it is to you. But it is okay, that is how it will always be. As difficult as this was to accept, I have come to terms with this. And I am at peace with that.

During the past couple of months, I have also realized that I relish, enjoy and revel in my alone time. I have learned to appreciate the precious time I get to spend with myself, my thoughts and I, and I've come to cherish solitude. It's a wonderful state of being where your happiness is entirely yours and you please no one but yourself. Alone time gives you the opportunity to look inside and ask yourself what you really want. Having a life companion who understands you and cares about you is all very well, but the understanding of oneself and what you want from life is quite something else altogether. I've realized that I am completely at peace with solitude. It is indeed, a blessing.

I have also somewhat figured out what I want from life primarily. But I have not yet figured everything out just yet. I may never will. But that's okay, you don't need to know everything at once. Normally I'd be perturbed that I am not sure about what I want but now, I am at peace with that.

The world is a vast place and I have come to realize that I have not even traveled a modicum of what it has got to offer. So the aim is to try and cover as much of it as possible. This year, I will not be travelling Europe as planned as it very well seems like the universe has way too many plans for me this year. And I am happy. Because life has a way of giving me what I need which may not always coincide with what I want. Although I do feel sad when things do not happen as I want, in the long run so far, things have turned out pretty darn great.

I've also learnt that if you lead your life fairly, justly and generously, helping those you can, when you can, however which way you can, not causing pain or harm to anyone, life always has a way of having your back, one way or the other. You see, universe has patterns. Everything in the universe happens according to a pattern and while the larger design may never be clear to us, it is up to us to recognize those little hints and nuances. It's a remarkable thing, this turn of events - if fate dictates (and you can see the signs well in advance in how facts and figures are almost incredibly interconnected, how certain opportunities have a way of getting missed by split seconds only to get reunited in the future and etc), things will happen in that specific order. I believe that the universe weaves the net of fate as we go or as they say, we write our own destiny in the choices and decisions we make. And living justly, generously and fairly is a choice we make every single day.

Besides, when you live in this manner, you feel that your life is lived and happiness becomes an everyday thing. And I wouldn't have it any other way :)  



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