Murphy's Law phenomena

Murphy's law is such that when you are late, even something as innocent and unsuspecting as a measly piece of curried chicken can charge at you, ruining your entire day. Happened this morning when a very unassuming and a very dead looking piece of chicken that was on my breakfast plate suddenly flew at me in a vengeful fury (obviously not very pleased at the mishandling it was getting as I hurriedly fumbled through the plate) and attacked me, making me bleed curry all over my crisp white shirt. Funny how much damage such a tiny piece of chicken can do. This incident forced me to change into another piece of garb and this time, I made sure I stayed WELL away from chicken or other such dangerous things.

When you know you are late and rush out of the house half-dressed, almost out of your wits that your transport has arrived (the driver is quite short in patience. If you're not there, he's gone), it takes its own sweet time, not giving a rat's tick's a** to the fact that you have rushed out in a demonic flurry, not even bothering to take a second look at yourself in the mirror just to make sure that you don't petrify little children and scar their young and tender minds for life on your way to work. While you stand waiting, total strangers pass by stare at a flustered, disheveled looking you with hair that beats the angry wig of Rumpelstiltskin single handedly (or should I say, single hair-dly) and you really start wondering whether the planets have plotted together and lined up for the sole noble cause of embarrassing you. How lovely....

And finally when you get home to collapse on the bed in the comfort of your own cosy room after a loooooooong day at work, there is a pile of fine dust waiting for you in there, stuff that the person who had been polishing the windows for the last two days had left behind. Perfect... What is more perfect is that you are allergic to dust! (and that's also about the only thing in this whole wide world that you are allergic to too) So you run out of the room sneezing up a lurid storm while your skin breaks out in nasty hives, only to return later on dressed like an astronaut at war with acid-spitting Martians to clean things up. By this time you are boiling at the highest point that a human being can possibly boil at because everyone knows very well of your near-fatal allergy to fine dust but no one had bothered to clean things up before you got home. Sigh......perfect ending to a perfect day wouldn't you say!

But these I suppose, are the everyday woes of the ordinary working woman. And me being an ordinary working woman with an extraordinary talent for getting into embarrassing situations, have more than the usual share of everyday woes I suppose. But overall, life is good. Feeling more than the usual amount of tired what with the book launch coming up and what not, but after this Sunday, everything is going to go back to normal. 

The launch is on the 09th, the coming Sunday at 5.30 PM at the Barefoot Garden Cafe if anyone's interested. Me never having been very fond of speaking, particularly about myself out in the public have always preferred to listen rather than speak is wondering whether this is the right time to freak out. Well, like I said, a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do! And I am off to do justice to this long awaited collection that finally saw the light. Wish me luck! 

Scattered - A launching on 09.09

So.....the book is out and the Lady is impatient for feedback. But the launch is yet to come. 09th September is the date, 5.30 pm is the time and Barefoot Garden Cafe is the place. Those of who are interested in what I've got to say are most definitely welcome. But please do RSVP at the link below :)

https://www.facebook.com/events/461770107196727/

A little jittery about the launch actually, being the not-so-social and sometimes, prefer-the-solitude kind of person that I am. Oh well, I suppose a girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.

It will be a small gathering of people who are genuinely interested in poetry and literature in general. It will not be one of those mass scale, flashy things that leaves you wondering what the heck its all about. At least, I want to keep it like that. Because that's what my poems are about. They are intimate, they are personal and they are very much close to home. And I would simply not forgive myself for a launch that is any different.

Speaking about the book, I would like to view this book as a collection of memories. Little snippets of memory actually, little ends of memory threads along which I can travel, once I caught an end. Every poem has a story of its own and a very intimate significance which makes it extremely special to me. However, I do not know how special it will be to others who will be reading my work, but then again, fingers crossed, you will like this debut collection :)

A little fun fact about the book. It starts on the page 9 and ends in page 99. And its launched on the 09.09 (not planned, I swear. Circumstances led to it). A strange but wonderful coincidence! Specially since my lucky number just happens to be 9 too!

There will be music for sure as I am quite the music buff and also because I wouldn't want to bore anyone out of their minds with only my boring voice droning on and on. So yes, it will just be myself reading out some pieces from the book and some wonderful tunes. And I have given Mrs Vijita Fernando to read my book and she will be commenting on that as well. I'm just waiting to hear what she has to say about it :S

So all this will be happening on the 9th September. If you can spare a Sunday evening, do drop by. And buy my book!! :D

Dreams do come true :)

Yeeeeeeeey!!! Its finally IN PRINT!!! The hard part is done, now we wait!

My poetry collection, the long awaited one is finally coming out. Woke up one morning and made a decision to take matters in to my own hands and publish it by myself. Well, the publisher of course is Sooriya Publishers who was very helpful, very gracious in an age when all other publishers out there seem to have lost their faith in the poet kind. Point is, I did it, something that I never thought I would do and something that I had absolutely no idea how to do. You learn by doing they say. And I learnt, a whole truck load.

I learnt that there will be plenty of lip service but never enough work. I learnt that there will be people who will readily give you bucket loads of false hopes and just leave you in the lurch waiting for something to happen when in reality, you would just be wasting your time. I learnt that while many may claim to be your friends, friends in reality are very few. I learnt that unless I move my butt and get things moving, nobody else will move it for me (things I mean, not my butt). I learnt that nothing comes easy, that I will have to work hard to achieve anything worth the while. I learnt not to rely on others and not to trust too much. I also learnt that I should not delay anything in life no matter what and no matter how many promises are made.

I also learnt that I have got an awesome, AWESOME, awesome family and a boyfriend who will accompany me to hell and back. I also learnt that I've got awesome friends! I love you guys sooooo much!

The lovely ladies of the EWC, specially Mrs Vijita Fernando was there for me at the very beginning. I really wouldn't have known which end was up if it was not for her. Mrs Sybil Wettasinghe was being her usual darling self and was as excited as I was about my book! It was one nerve wracking ride but hey, I am now well versed in the fine art of publishing, which is pretty great.

Hoping to have the launch on the 8th September at Barefoot. Not because I am posh like that, but because out of all the places I checked, Barefoot proves to be very co-operative, affordable and the staff is super-duper helpful which is pretty awesome. Do drop by if you have the time, there will be plenty of poetry and music to go around.Will post when the time is confirmed as first I will have to get the books in hand which is due in two more days. Can't wait!

Tired, bed awaits. Novel also coming together nicely, but tonight it shall have to wait. I shall catch up on my long suffering sleep tonight instead of tap-tapping away. Nightey night everyone! Happy Friday tomorrow!

Poking & Publishing pains

Fallen victim to one of those 'poking' fits that go around FB from time to time. I feel like a corpse that people have poked time and time again to see if I was alive. It feels.....oddly disgusting.

Once upon a time the 'Poke' function on FB used to be fun. Those golden days of Poke, you 'poked' your friends from time to time, just to let them know that you have not forgotten them.  You "poked" people that you have met somewhere and would like to get to know better but didn't quite know how to approach them. You 'poked' people as a means of expressing friendship, to see how they would accept it, to save oneself from the humiliation of rejection, as a means of preserving one's pride or dignity even. The Poke button had a delightfully innocent function those days. Or is it that the Poke button had always had a dirty, flirty connotation and I, in my blissful oblivion had been blissfully oblivious to its slightly disturbing function until up to now?

Whatever the case may be, how gross is it that complete strangers, ones you have never even seen or have heard of in your entire life come and 'poke' you, and repeatedly so, on FB? Let's say that one poke, just to test the water, is perfectly ok, but noooooooooooooo, they don't stop at just one, they will do it, again and again and again, specially when after you have removed their poke and thus knowing full well that you have absolutely no intention of responding to them, ever. What happened to the good ol' ways of sending a message or a friend request if you REALLY wanted to get to know someone? I find Poking offensive and repulsive, when done by complete strangers that is.

If one goes around poking random people in real life, they will only be answered by one or several thundering slaps or a blazing kick to where it really hurts. And I SWEAR to God if I get poked again and repeatedly so, I shall seek the culprit out and poke both his eyes out. And I'm DEAD serious.

Speaking of FB, that dreaded Timeline is going to be applied to each and every profile from 7th August onward. However much I hate the thing, decided to embrace change and converted the profile. Now I find the thing highly messy. It hurts my eyes to figure out which is which. Honestly, I don't think that I will be signing in to FB all that much now. It annoys me.

Publishing. Its hard work. One may wonder, what's the big deal. But what I have figured out is, what I will be putting out is my most vulnerable self, the innermost me and I will then let myself be judged by people who know nothing of me nor care about what I've got to say. Some wise person had once said that writing is like being naked in public. Well, lets just say that I really enjoy being naked all for myself. Getting second thoughts about being publicly naked now, despite the practical publishing difficulties of running against a deadline and all. I am beginning to look at books, lying around forgotten in bookshelves in stores with a new found veneration now. The amount of work that had gone into them, overcoming personal boundaries to get it published, not to mention the brain numbing procedures, legalities, its all too much. Of course, some had gotten it easy. Others like us, well, we have to work our bones off for it.

The worst of it all - having to to do it all by yourself. The lack of proper editors for poetry, the blatant disregard for it in this country, no "professional" publishing help - my publisher asks me why I chose poetry and assures me that I'm better off publishing a scholarship guide because that's the shit that sells. I know I should have gotten shocked by this kind of speech but honestly, it just brushes my ear and falls to the ground - I guess I'm used to this kind of negativity by now. I've been tricked, stolen from, given false promises to and left high and dry all of which contributed to delaying this endeavor. If they thought that they dissuaded me from this, they have another thought coming.  

I did not choose poetry - poetry chose me. And here's me, a lone girl with little to no help from anyone else trying to make this thing happen. With little over 1 month to go, I am content with how far I've come, despite the many things that have held me back.

I am well aware that I am jumping into the deep end of the pool without really knowing how to swim. Here's me hoping that instincts would kick in and I wouldn't be floating belly up in the pool at the end of it all.

Poya day, and a well deserved holiday. I just think that every week there should be a holiday in the middle of each week. Its very refreshing. Gonna make the best use of the day and get myself organized a bit. In saying so, I hear my inner self rolling on the floor laughing. And guffaws ensue. Alright, off to work and silence the inner guffaws! :)

Weekend!

Ah the bliss of curling up in your PJ's, listlessly sipping your morning tea, aimlessly flipping through TV channels, having absolutely no clue as to how the day is to be spent or what should be done next. That absolute wonderful feeling when your day hasn't even begun at 9.30 AM and neither are you thinking of beginning it any time soon. This is only to be experienced on weekends of course when the rest of the week just whizzes past in a constant vicious cycle.

But come to think of it, the lazy, drawling mornings stretched on forever with my cup of tea is just about the only thing I really miss since I started going out to work. This maybe because I enjoy the work I do, for writing has always been my one true passion. Oh and I also miss those spontaneous cooking and baking adventures of mine from time to time too. Oh well, all in good time.

Speaking of baking, felt like baking last evening and was in an intense debate with myself, trying to decide between brownies or  pumpkin pie. Finally decided on baking brownies, but very, very predictably, as is always the case, we were out of butter. Sigh..... Why oh why is it that the exact thing that we need is the exact thing that is missing when you need it??? Sigh........... So *poof!* went the dreams of warm chocolate brownies with melting vanilla ice cream for tea in the afternoon, disappeared into thin, invisible air, gone down the gutter, gurgled down the drain and flushed down the toilet, so very heartlessly  :(


After a week of being terribly sick, Lady Grouchalot is finally back in the scene. Although throwing up everything, including water that dared pass beyond the throat and then feeling all dizzy and light headed 24 hrs a day was more than what I had bargained for, being pushed around the hospital in a wheel chair by a total hunk (I'm serious, hospitals should follow the example of this particular hospital and hire good looking dudes to push you around in wheelchairs.....Sigh), I found myself thinking to myself, hmmm....I could get used to this! :P

Still feeling the remnants of the flu singing within though. Its this bug I've heard. It leaves you feeling haggard for weeks afterwards apparently.

All in all, a good weekend. Took the Parents out for lunch. Mother Dearest had been craving for Indian food for quite sometime so took her and a sour-faced Father Dearest (he doesn't like Indian food much) over to Agra for some fine Indian lovin'. Ambiance was lovely, all cozy and intimate, food was ok, not exceptional though. In short, I've had better and for cheaper too.

Amrith's used to be good. And then they came to suck and finally closed down. Pity though, I used to enjoy the food there.

Exhibitions at BMICH always holds the most curious of all tit bits on offer. Had mehendi applied all over my left hand for 200 bucks and now the lines have emerged out in this beautiful deep red that I have always loved. The smell of mehendi brought back many memories. Its strange how smells, much more than sights or sounds bring back the most intense of sensations. Or maybe its one of my very own endemic idiosyncrasies.

Speaking of smells, finally managed to get my hands on Rock and Dreams by Valentino, a perfume that I had been eyeing (or nosing) for a while ever since I received one of those tiny vials as a complimentary gift when I bought my last Hugo - Woman (which is now discontinued, sob sob :'( ) about a year ago. (Yes, perfumes ARE my Vice :S)

Rock n Dreams is, well....different. Its dreamy, its fragile and feminine and somehow very personal. Is it "Rock" you ask? Yes, I suppose it is. Not in the gritty, hardcore, leathery way as one would imagine, but in a more profound, intimate way that the music tends to grab hold of you by your most vulnerable depths. Yes, vulnerable would be the word to describe the scent and its so damn sexy in its vulnerability. However, it reminds me of those rare childhood mornings spent rolling out pastries with my mother. The scent from the sprawling, flowering vine that hung over the roof of the open indoor garden (which btw no longer exists) adjoining the pantry wafted indoors generously in the mornings. My mother was a working woman and her staying home was a very happy day for me and she would usually do so when somebody was coming over and she would always wear this light, frilly floral dress that I used to so love on those days. On such rare occasions, I would usually get to skip school or preschool (under the pretext of a tummy ache of course) and sit on a tall stool in the kitchen, my feet not even reaching the floor, and watch her hustling and bustling around the kitchen while the smell of stewing pineapples, baking smells and the like would mingle together and fill the entire house. This perfume somewhat reminds me of this entire experience. I suppose it is this factor that makes the fragrance so beautiful.

Guess I've always had an uber sensitive nose. Which can be quite annoying, specially when travelling by bus :S

Finally managed to get some brownies in the oven and that comfy baking smell is wafting up the stairs little by little. Father Dearest had been hovering around me while I chopped, melted, sifted and mixed and now he's hovering around the oven waiting for them to bake. He does not have much of a sweet tooth but he does have a whole set of teeth for anything that I may cook or bake. Must shoo him off the kitchen or else him constantly opening the oven will further delay the baking process. He's sort of our own personal cookie (cake, brownie or etc) monster. Chweet :)

Looking forward to a warm and cozy Sunday evening followed by a good night's sleep and a whole week of activity. Life's quite good these days, except for my still not back to normal physical strength and The Darling's new found obsession for planting trees and not having time for meeeeeeeeeeeeeee!! *sob sob* I'm worried that he may give up his job altogether and become a good ol farmer, loin cloth and all. Oh well...... never mind. However, a plan of revenge is called forth - Baking brownies (super chocolaty mind you) and not letting him have ANY! Mua ha ha ha!! *Evil, sinister laughter ensues* Let him plant and toil all he wants, he's missing out on brownies, conversation, random tickling, lubly, bubbly hugs and other very, very important things :/

Dealing with Death

It took me quite a while to put this post together. The emotional numbness finally gave way to a more confused state me thinks. Loku amma passed away. And I thought blogging would help me grasp the situation after all this time.

Was floating around in a dream-like state, partly aware that this is not a dream and partly feeling as if I'l wake up from this horrible dream soon. Who laid there in that coffin was not her. It was some random old lady that I did not know. My loku amma was elegant. She never drenched her hair in oil and she never combed it back. Her hair was always a joyful mess and she was so full of life. Neither did she dress in tacky old sarees. She had good taste, was graceful and majestic. Unlike the strange, serious-looking person who lay there surrounded by flowers, looking all limp and dead.

She was a healthy person, had she been sick, we would all have understood. Of course she had the usual pains and aches of the old age, but other than that, she was a bundle of life, doing this, that and everything, bustling about the place with a purpose. Even the morning she passed away, she had been gardening in the morning with loku thaththa after which she had gone to take a bath. It was after the bath that she had been taken on by the wheeze. After trying two inhalers, she herself had walked to the car to go to the hospital and on the way, she had passed away. All this had happened within 10 minutes. A measly ten minutes and ALL the life that this frame contained for all this time had just evaporated in to thin air. And I do not understand how. Because there was SUCH a lot of life in there.

She had even prepared to cook lunch for the two of them that morning. We found a half scraped coconut, peeled and washed onions, chilly and tomatoes on the kitchen counters and two boiled potatoes, all prepped for lunch. Some washed and prepped Dambala from the garden (she rarely buys vegetables from the market, they grow their own, even tomatoes, cabbage, radish and etc in their own garden) alongside a chopping board all set with a hopeful looking knife. Some dry fish too has been washed and was kept separate in another pot, ready to cook. It was as if she walked out of the kitchen for a moment and would resume cooking any moment now.

We would usually go to her place looking forward to a scrumptious meal and being showered with lots and lots of love, attention, laughter and good, happy times. Going there for her funeral was a strange experience, at least for me for I had always associated Loku amma's place with joy, festivity and heaps and heaps of activity, all presided of course, by her. The place bustling with people, as we sat there in a group, I kept expecting her to come smiling towards us in her usual way, her lively voice resonating through the house. But she never came. But I kept expecting her to do so. It was all very strange. It felt like some stranger had died and we were all there to help out. Nothing more.

Not many people would understand the feeling if they had not been there, if they had not experienced it first hand. I have had close people react to me with aggression just because they are sad, yes, you are sad but you should also understand that aggression does not serve a purpose and that nobody is responsible for your grief, it is yours and yours alone. And just because you are sad, the whole world does not have to walk around you on tip toe because they do not know about our loss and neither do they have to know. Neither do they feel what you are going through and they are not to blame either. It took me the death of a close one to understand that death alone has no meaning and while the parting of a loved one is sad, it is the ones who are alive who must be taken care of. Because it is them who suffer more.

Death remains a puzzle but it is evident that death occurs when life leaves the body. Death in itself is not an entity. Death is a state of being. It should only be an adjective, it should not be a noun. You FEEL that once life leaves the body, what remains is just a worthless shell, empty, like a rambutan deprived of its seed or an empty pack of Pringles. The corpse is no longer the person that you used to know. The spirit that this body contained gets liberated. I think we should all be happy that this person is finally free. But as all lay persons do, we have our attachments, our own selfish motives. Isn't it for selfish reasons we weep when a person is dead? Isn't it because we shall miss the physical presence of that person, isn't it because we shall miss what that person used to be for us, used to do for us that we weep? Isn't it because you fear your own loneliness that you weep? If it isn't for selfish reasons that we weep, in this case we should not be sad because it was a relatively painless death. But still I am sad. And that is only because there were things that I wanted to do for her and yet could not manage to do so while she was alive. That is all. While her death did shock me in to numbness sprouting from pure disbelief, I did weep a little out of sheer selfishness because of all the ways in which I would miss her now that she is gone. But then I decided not to be so selfish. While grief remains, Life presents itself to me in a new light now. Take care of the ones who are alive, because once they are gone, there is absolutely nothing that you could do about it. Spend as much time as you can with them, do everything you can for those you care about. Hold no grudges, take no offense, do no wrong to anyone or any living thing. It is these things that matter, not how much you earn or who you hold grudges against, defeating an opponent or proving yourself right everytime. Life is precious and one should savour every moment of it, whether happy or painful. You feel all these things, whether it is grief, happiness, pain or loss because you are alive.

And it took me the death of a loved one to realize all that.

Ponderings

The Lady Grouch has not grouched in quite a long time, now has she?

And I'm wondering why that is. I suppose the Lady is quite happy with the way things are right now. The past couple of weeks have not been so good (not so good as in not wanting to even blog about it not-good) with regards to certain very necessary things but right now, after a weekend well spent and some long conversations, things are pretty much sparkly. The universe is in its rightful place again :)

Another reason for the upsy-perkiness must be because there are also a lot of new things in the Lady's life. I suppose the old Grouch is quite happy as long as there's always something new to keep her on her toes. Work is exciting and I believe that I'm quite blessed to run in to like-minded wackjobs wherever I set foot in, be it a workplace or a class I decide to take. Anyhooooooo, I've realized of late that life's pretty darn awesome when you learn to savor every moment as if it is your last whether it be good or bad.

I find travelling time relaxing. Although people find it irritating and end up getting frustrated when spending hour upon hour in traffic jams, I find it an enjoyable exercise. Everyday to work and from work, it is my thinking time and I do NOT appreciate being disturbed during that time. Even if the roads are crowded and vehicles are jam packed on the streets, I always go prepared. With a book and my music, I'm fully loaded and quite content to spend those cherished moments escaping in to my own mind where I take refuge.

Life has proved itself to be one adrenalin evoking adventure, I am quite excited to test my surfing skills on those intimidating tidal waves that life bashes against the shores from time to time. I suppose I define myself as well geared up to take up anything lanced at me and quite enthusiastic about it too. I'm not particularly fussy about things and go with the flow has always been my motto. It has worked very well so far *shrug*

I am learning everyday and I lap it all up with more eagerness than a hungry dog would lap up spilt milk. Its amazing though how quickly the mind and body gets used to routine and procedure. Well what do you know, we are highly obedient, program-able robots after all!

Planning to head for the Richmond Castle over the weekend. This is a long overdue trip that was intended to be made about one year ago when I first heard of the place. Suddenly remembered of it just yesterday. Stumbling across a few pictures of it on the web about a year ago aroused my curiosity and prompted me to find out more after which I came across fascinating stories, more pictures and many other tidbits that only added kerosene to the fire. I have a fetish for old places anyway, they have this aura bout them, this air of secrets concealed and lives spent between those slowly decaying walls. There is a beauty in decay that many people tend to overlook but which I find ever so fascinating. What with my trusty ol camera eagerly awaiting a snap or two at those grandiose colonial arcs, I have already spoken to a reluctant Darling about dragging his lazy behind down there. He better agree or it'l be a solitary ramble down there, which now that I think about it, doesn't sound so bad after all.

Apparently, the master bedroom of the Richmond Castle has a sound proofing device. The Mudaliyar old fellow must have seen some tree-wrenching action back in his days *eye brow wiggle* :D    

All the positivism aside, I do have certain things to grouch about too. First and foremost there's this issue about messiness that Mother Dearest finds very irritating but which I find to be completely normal. I've always been a messy kid, its a part of my nature I suppose. So every now and then when I come home in the evening I find my room swept and organized and I find it really odd. I like my mess. Its my mess. I do not want anybody messing up my mess :/

Same applies to when I cook. I am a messy cook and Mother Dearest never ceases complaining. But then again, they say that a messy cook is a good cook, a clean house is a sign of wasted life and a messy room is a sign of a genius at work!!! My mother never understands any of my logic though. Sigh...................

And my poetry collection is quite passive these days too. Sigh...........Hoping that the pace would pick up and I would see some action soon. Been writing some new stuff too as inspiration comes in gasps and starts these days and spills on like a damaged oil vessel in the middle of the ocean, contaminating the clear blue waters of the mind. Searching for a publisher was done in a moment of such monolithic inspiration and I was at the point that if no one would accept it, I would publish it myself (I still would, oh I still SO would). I was really, REALLY excited about it when it started, but at the pace that things are going, I feel my enthusiasm laxing too. Sigh.....creativity has never been easy. Either you labor to invoke the muses or you labor to get published. I'm not the only one. Throughout history, it has always been a struggle for the artistically cursed. But, I do not intend on embracing the destiny of work being discovered only after death, no sir.

Note to self- Must bug publisher :P

Yes, yes I be rambling for quite sometime now. Sleep calleth and I shalt to my chambers. Nitey nite you beautiful people! Keep smiling and be happy always :)