Just realized that its been a while since I last looked up at the sky. Was walking home yesterday evening and remembered how so very beautiful the evening sky looks. I remembered how much I used to love these evening walks. When I was a fresher at the university, coming home, escaping from those filthy claws of the inferiority complex-ridden seniors, the harsh ragging, the insults, the harassment, and the vulgar, cruel treatment, its almost always so late in the evening and they still kept us, sneering, insulting, wringing our young innocent minds between their wicked iron holds. Every time it got a little too hard to bear, I would look up at the skies and let my mind wander among the red, blue, pink clouds that floated above. It comforted and made me forget of the evil that I was confronting. The harsh words that pricked my ears seemed so far away then.
Walking home yesterday evening, the clouds just stood there frozen, flaunting their soft rosy, tangy hues and all I wanted was to be there up there in the sky, touching their oozing softness, the creaminess of their texture. I've always imagined clouds to feel like whipped cream. Like whipped cream is good with almost everything, clouds too are the perfect balsam for anything on this earth. Be it illness, stress, heartache, grief or just plain boredom, looking up at these majestic creatures of the sky (I like to think that they are alive) and letting the mind soar, rise up and fly away among the cotton candy softness is just an exhilarating experience.
Its so easy to imagine yourself taking off and flying amognst these clouds. They look so near, its as if if you stretch your hand enough, you could almost touch them. It looks like a whole different world up there, the clouds looking like plush, cushiony sofas on which one could recline and sleep and sleep forever. Greeks believed that if you were good enough, the Gods took you up and placed you amongst the stars when you died. I hope that someday, I too would be placed among the stars. Not that I wanted fame, glory and the whole lot, its just for the pure joy of being able to walk on the clouds.
Its just that happiness and love are like butterflies. The more you chase it, the further they fly away. If only you sit down and be complacent with your life, what you have, they will come to you, perch on your arm, sing seraphic melodies and complicate your life. For me, it was like that. Love and happiness happened to me at a point in my life where I was completely satisfied with my life, lived for the moment and I had stopped believing in that elusive love that people are often on the hunt for. I laughed at it, made fun and smiled sarcastically as men and women supposed to be "In love" flirted and ogled other men and women with desire.
That's the thing about love and happiness I suppose. Once you have it, you are so afraid that you are going to lose it that you tend to protect them with all you've got, sometimes even forgetting yourself, the yourself that you are fighting to protect. You complicate your own life, trying to save things that have no desire of being saved. You lose sight of your own happiness, worrying about its sustainability rather than enjoying it while you still can and in the process, you forget who YOU really are and start transforming in to something you are not. What happens is we forget to live in the moment when we are so worried about what's going to happen tomorrow. Lesson learnt- Do not try to protect what does not want to be protected. It will only make things more miserable. If it wants to go, let it, you can't hold back things that wants to flee and expect to be happy. Happiness and love are at its best when its free. In the meantime, you can only lay back and be yourself, be the best you can and enjoy the sunshine :)
According to some people, I'm still way too innocent. I don't drink, I don't smoke, never tried an intoxicating drug in my entire life. Never cheated at a test, on a lover, never taken revenge and I don't want to either. I forgive and forget quickly ( too quickly at times) put others' needs before mine (which goes unappreciated most of the time) and I still believe that I do not want anything unless I get it the just and fair way. Too naive and innocent for this world? Yes, I used to be called like that.
The point is, I like being me. I like being the naive type that usually gets made fun of amongst a more mature society. I like being able to look somebody in the eye and be taken seriously as to when I say no, I mean no, I stick to my principles, I honor my values. A person without their values might as well be a savage, a disgrace to the very parents that brought them up. A sort of a puritanical attitude if you must, but I never fit in to that group either. I believe myself to be an outcast. Neither here nor there.
That being said, there are no clouds in the sky at this time of the day. The skies are blue and vast and its empty, so very empty. The sun is too harsh on us romantic beings :(
No comments:
Post a Comment