I think it would do me well to do something totally and inconceivably outrageous,rebel against the system,the cultural norms,the beautifully forged lie that we consider as our proud non-existent cultural and non-cultural values and whatever it is that are supposed to be the "accepted" standards of a hypocritical society,shock the parents,possibly go to jail and write a book,a couple of memoires about the experience from within the iron railings of a cold,hard prison cell.People love a bit of drama,a bit of scandal and an unabashedly rebellious soul that will spin out the unbelievable and tell them bizarre stories.Just a thought.
My desire for my life-long dream tattoo has raised its magnificently sexy head once again and stares at me seductively, provocative, beckoning me in the most tempting of all manners.I shall make sure I get it done this time around at the least.All my life I have longed for it,I have dreamt of it and now,the time is ripe to put aside all possible inhibitions,shrug away all the quizzical looks,the critical hmm's,the exaggerated gasps,intimidating judgmental looks of the society,the shrieks,parental fits and starters(which I always get victimized by so not much of a difference there) the shocked looks of relations and pursue what I want for once.All my life I had always done what they wanted me to do.I have become who they wanted me to become,ever so obediently like a good little girl.Time to let it rip and let out that side of me that the world had dreaded seeing.Lady Grouchalot is determined this time.I just hope there won't be much of an objection to handle.
Putting aside my thesis work for a while,the study of Baudelaire brings me the utmost,almost a sort of a sinful pleasure.It's like reading the amplified, scandalized version of my own thought process and fantasies in his work,it's almost like we read each other's minds.His imagery,his themes are almost so provocatively tangible that you end up nodding your head in agreement as if the dude had been talking to you all this while.That's what his words do,they speak to you,they lure you in this dark,suggestive,sensual manner that you find hard to resist.His imagery is unique,dark and sinfully sensual that you find yourself looking around guiltily like a child caught stealing candy.If he was alive today he would have indeed become a rather singular prodigy of a metal artist.
Baudelaire had been overcome with boredom all his life.Therefore he was on a constant look out for ways to overcome this monotony,the depression and the disappointments that life threw at him.Women,alcohol and drugs(Drugs,sex and rock and roll.Sounds familiar?) had only been mere pass-times for him.Baudelaire used them for the sole purpose of counting away the long and dragging minutes of his rather irksome,tiresome existence.Women were objects to be admired from far off.Once he came close to them,he lost interest.In fact,he grew to hate them,loath their very existence and believed them to be an absolutely repulsive object that drains you of your energy and finances alike(the state of unattainability,in my opinion is wayyyyyy kinkier than any fetish known to the man kind which I think is why Adam and Eve committed the original sin in the first place.Which is also why even today,we are STILL attracted to forbidden fruit,the fact that its "forbidden" giving you that much sought-after adrenalin rush,bestowing upon the object,an unreal alluring quality and an absolutely irresistible casing) It is when you get close to the object of your desire(that you previously thought to be perfect) that you notice it's many flaws,faults and deficiencies and grow quite repulsed(a repulsion evoked by sheer disappointment) by the imperfections that you later on discovered.But our imperfections are what makes us human which is why it is wise to reveal ourselves,our faults and inconsistencies to an outside world which in turn helps us build sustainable human relationships(avoiding disappointments).That is of course if you do not wish to live in your own fantasy world of perfect human beings.So the choice is ours whether or not to have healthy,thriving,not-so-perfect yet satisfying relationships with human beings that you know to be imperfect which are in every sense of the word,real and nurturing or live in your own little perfect world all by yourself not really letting anybody in,which makes it is in effect, a far cry from the reality.
Hashish,opium and absinthe had been Baudelaire's companions of boredom as he describes in his work,portraying them as an artificial paradise that can only be achieved through the use of these material.Baudelaire with his brooding,shifty,heavy,deeply set eyes,the set jaw,a pair of lips that weep downwards from the corners and that intense sourly expression that always remains the same.I wonder if he ever smiled.And if he DID smile,I wonder how he looked.Oh well,what does it matter,he's dead anyway.And some people lose their charm when they smile.So let em frown their souls away for their appearance's and personal charm's sake.
Anyways,the point is,it seems that one has to be disappointed one way or the other,regarding one aspect or the other in his or her life to become a good or a bearable artist.The lives of all phenomenal artists I know are just monolithically disastrous,it's almost like they do not have a personal life what-so-ever and they draw the courage to live and to create masterpieces of art from the very depths of these ultra sucky situations(not EVERY ONE if I may stress so).Or maybe it is the insatiability of their nature,their restless souls that evoke this kind of mastery and cook up some really humongous disasters for themselves and others too who dare to get involved in these roller coaster rides of their lives.For any peace loving individual,that would certainly be way too much drama to handle.Oh well......
All rebelliousness aside,I better get back to my work now,enough blabbering,at least for now.I guess there's no real harm in getting out of my comfort zone and doing something different for a change.Further thinking in order regarding the issue.Tata everyone.Have a good day :)
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